I don't want to be in my brother's wedding anymore due to his friends (deleted, jealous)

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by kokonutty

Absolutely.

Life is not a pity party. This guy is young; he has a whole life ahead of himself. He has challenges that most of us will never have to face but everyone can challenge their own restrictions. On March ninth hundreds of athletes will participate in the Paralympics in Korea just weeks after the Winter Olympics Games. They will be there because they challenge themselves and they challenge each other.

Would you prefer they all just stay in bed? You could help him and others in similar situations by educating yourself rather than choosing to be offended. He has the power within himself to find a new way to live his life to his ultimate fulfillment. There are people and organizations that will help him but he must find a way to help himself get started.

I can't believe what you're saying.

Athletes who compete in wheelchairs are about the most courageous people there are.

Stop trying to put this on me.

It's on you.

The life of a man who has recently been confined to a wheelchair is one enormous challenge after another. That deserves respect. A lot of respect.

I suspect (but don't know) you don't have any experience in this area.

If you do have close experience with young people who suddenly are confined to a wheelchair, I'll ask it again.

Did you just say that?

[vanb1181]

Originally Posted by Lbjen

You can’t change your brother, and pitching a toddler tantrum and skipping his wedding definitely won’t do it. Let his buddies throw him a bachelor party, explain you can’t make it for obvious reasons, and offer to help with inviting all of the other people you would have invited (cousins, school friends etc).

The purpose of being involved in a wedding is to make it the best experience possible for the person getting married. It’s not to make sure you get what you want out of it. Obviously it sucks that circumstances mean you won’t get to join in on all of the celebrations, but being there on the big day is the main thing.

I'm not going to let his friends throw the bachelor party. That's my duty as a best man and I'm going to organize it. I've said a few times before that my brother only wants the bachelor party to be for the wedding party.

[BabyJuly]

Originally Posted by vanb1181

I'm not going to let his friends throw the bachelor party. That's my duty as a best man and I'm going to organize it. I've said a few times before that my brother only wants the bachelor party to be for the wedding party.

There are now 26 pages of you receiving advice, comments (both positive and negative), and encouragement. You have basically said the same thing over and over as is your comment above. You also said repeatedly that you don't like how these "brothers" are treating you.

Are you certain that they will come to a bachelor party if you throw it?

Is there any advice that you have received that you will consider?

[hertfordshire]

Originally Posted by BabyJuly

Is there any advice that you have received that you will consider?

Unlikely. Like many CD posters, he's got his heels dug in. He was just looking to have people validate his outrage. And like many CD posters, he's shocked and indignant when people disagree.

[kokonutty]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I can't believe what you're saying.

Athletes who compete in wheelchairs are about the most courageous people there are.

Stop trying to put this on me.

It's on you.

The life of a man who has recently been confined to a wheelchair is one enormous challenge after another. That deserves respect. A lot of respect.

I suspect (but don't know) you don't have any experience in this area.

If you do have close experience with young people who suddenly are confined to a wheelchair, I'll ask it again.

Did you just say that?

Yes. I said that.

I personally know someone with similar injuries who wheeled himself 5,000 miles across the USA.

What do you suggest Van does with his life?

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by kokonutty

Yes. I said that.

I personally know someone with similar injuries who wheeled himself 5,000 miles across the USA.

What do you suggest Van does with his life?

I don't know him enough to suggest what he should do from this point, nor do I know the extent of his injury.

I guess what I would wish for him, in his life, is that he work through this extreme life changer in the next few years and discover a happy and fulfilling "new normal".

And I wish for him that he learn to completely ignore people who say "challenge yourself!" the way someone who is suffering from severe depression ignore people who say "take a bubble bath" "get a manicure" "take a community college course" or other trite unhelpful advice.

Or Heck, what you're dealing with is nothin'. My friend in a wheelchair rode 5000 miles across the country.

Maybe instead of judging the OP, you might want to get on your bike and do the same?

[ringwise]

Originally Posted by vanb1181

I don't enjoy other people trying to take my place in my brother's life. At the end of the day they should just be like co-workers and not view each other as "family".

I think a little self-reflection is in order here. There might be a reason he feels closer to his friends than his brother. The tighter you cling, and the more demands you make, might be making him less likely to be around you.

I have 2 brothers. One is a police officer, and one is a fireman. The people they work with are far more than co-workers, and have a bond I can't even relate to. They put their lives in each other's hands every single day. In the case of the fireman brother, he lives with these men and women days at a time.

On the other hand, I haven't lived close to them for many years. When I do visit, I love meeting their fellow police and firemen. I don't look at it as someone whose taken my family away from me (that never occurred to me), but rather as more people that have come into my family. I have no doubt that if someone were to happen to me, or my mom, or their wives or children, the brotherhood would step up and do whatever it takes to care for them.

[kokonutty]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I don't know him enough to suggest what he should do from this point, nor do I know the extent of his injury.

I guess what I would wish for him, in his life, is that he work through this extreme life changer in the next few years and discover a happy and fulfilling "new normal".

And I wish for him that he learn to completely ignore people who say "challenge yourself!" the way someone who is suffering from severe depression ignore people who say "take a bubble bath" "get a manicure" "take a community college course" or other trite unhelpful advice.

Or Heck, what you're dealing with is nothin'. My friend in a wheelchair rode 5000 miles across the country.

Maybe instead of judging the OP, you might want to get on your bike and do the same?

Now, you're telling me what to do. Great. I'm not the guy who came here looking for help and I'm not judging anyone. I also see no value in patting him on the head for a few years when he has a life to live.

You asked what experience I had and I told you; this is not about my dog being better than your dog.

I made suggestions to a man neither of us knows based on what he has written here. Nobody is requiring you to agree. Feel free to make your own suggestions but you don't have the information, the insight or the right to denigrate mine.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I don't know him enough to suggest what he should do from this point, nor do I know the extent of his injury.

I guess what I would wish for him, in his life, is that he work through this extreme life changer in the next few years and discover a happy and fulfilling "new normal".

And I wish for him that he learn to completely ignore people who say "challenge yourself!" the way someone who is suffering from severe depression ignore people who say "take a bubble bath" "get a manicure" "take a community college course" or other trite unhelpful advice.

Or Heck, what you're dealing with is nothin'. My friend in a wheelchair rode 5000 miles across the country.

Maybe instead of judging the OP, you might want to get on your bike and do the same?

Do you really believe grown men, fire fighters, who are groomsmen in a wedding, are mistreating their friend's brother who is in a wheelchair from a recent accident???


I do not. I think it's all about OP feeling left out and jealous of the close bond they share, and sad that he doesn't feel that perhaps with his brother to the same extent. I am also wondering if OP had issues with social skills even before the accident.


Maybe OP should back out, because otherwise I think he might ruin it with hurt feelings spilling out. But I still feel it isn't right for OP to go to his brother and complain about his buddies. If he backs out he should say it's too hard for him right now or something. Otherwise it puts brother in a very awkward position.


I think though if OP feels sad because he wants a stronger bond of friendship with his brother, he should talk to him about that, but there is no need to bring up the wedding or the groomsmen in order to have that talk.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

Do you really believe grown men, fire fighters, who are groomsmen in a wedding, are mistreating their friend's brother who is in a wheelchair from a recent accident???


I do not. I think it's all about OP feeling left out and jealous of the close bond they share, and sad that he doesn't feel that perhaps with his brother to the same extent. I am also wondering if OP had issues with social skills even before the accident.


Maybe OP should back out, because otherwise I think he might ruin it with hurt feelings spilling out. But I still feel it isn't right for OP to go to his brother and complain about his buddies. If he backs out he should say it's too hard for him right now or something. Otherwise it puts brother in a very awkward position.


I think though if OP feels sad because he wants a stronger bond of friendship with his brother, he should talk to him about that, but there is no need to bring up the wedding or the groomsmen in order to have that talk.

I think you might be referring to a different poster?