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I agree. Pouting and refusing to come to his brother's wedding is not a good thing. His brother will always remember that his own brother wouldn't be his best man. Not a good thing, at all.
No, but of course his brother should understand the situation and be compassionate. I would be. Wouldn't you?
But I'd sit him down and try my best to explain that everything that's going on with the wedding is normal. No one is excluding him. Coworkers are coworkers. That group doesn't include any of the family members, and the family things don't include the coworkers. I named him as Best Man because he IS my Best Man. He's in charge of the stag party. Everything is normal.
I think both of these brothers is young and generally inexperienced with weddings and work relationships and such. So there are misunderstandings. The mother should be helping with this situation.
There's no a counselor in the world that will help me feel like a full man again or will help me enjoy being around my able bodied brother and his able bodied friends.
On the other hand, doesn't it happen sometimes that a man feels very obligated to choose a relative as best man? Usually a brother if the obligation is carried out. (and if the man has a brother) Not saying that's what happened in this case - just that it happens.
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
Not necessarily true. My former brother in law was a cop earlier in life, and he and his partner were like brothers. My FBIL ended up moving about 6 hours away, but they remained close. When his partner retired, FBIL was there. When his partner developed alzheimers, FBIL traveled at least once a month to spend time with him and help his wife with various tasks around the house that the partner could no longer do. When his partner died, FBIL took time off of work to help his wife deal with everything that needed to be done, and eventually helped her move into a new home. FBIL was absolutely there. I don't have much good to say about my FBIL, but I do have to give him credit for how he came through for his old partner. Certainly moreso than his old partner's own family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
Hell, my sister and I are very close, but I can guarantee she's not going to burst a boil on my butt.
I won't speak ill of firefighters, especially since I live in Southern CA and our recent events. We have some very brave men and women.
There is an old joke "why do cops only hang out with other cops?", "because no one else can stand them".
I saw that first hand with someone who became a police officer, they no longer had time for old time friends and friends who attended social events with the "brothers" were not treated the same. In time the old friends were tossed aside.
We don't know the whole story here, and I am kind of surprised that firefighters would treat the OP this way, especially since his very tragic turn of events. But it is possible they are treating him poorly, and it's not just in his head.
The OP wasn't very specific as to what they were doing? Is there a bachelor party planned? Was he asked to help plan that?
Many were quick to gang up on him, and yes it is true this day isn't about him, but if he is the only non-firefighter in wedding party if could have legit reasons for feeling this way.
Treat the OP WHAT way?
You said it yourself He didn't even say anything concrete yet you jumped on the train to denigrate the guys without even knowing anything.
LOL I won't speak ill of firefighters but I will, passive aggressively and speak ill cops while I'm at it?
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
When DH was injured his squadron did everything above and beyond, brought meals, sent gift cards, offered him rides to the doctor.
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They left me out of the gifts they have given my brother and they also took him to a Colts game a few months back and i wasn't even invited. I probably wouldn't have had the money to go, but it pisses me off that they couldn't even ask or tell me. I had to see it on my brother's Facebook. I'm trying to plan the bachelor party locally, but they keep pushing for events out of state that I can't afford and so yes I think they are doing what they can to make me look bad and like I don't care about my brother. It's also their<bleep> comments about being "brothers" and how they have stronger bond that<bleep> me off.
I call BS on this, dude.
You added this "STRONGER BOND" thing after you got a bunch of replies.
Not in your OP.
And yeah, it IS possible your brother doesn't have a strong bond with you. Nobody knows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181
The gifts were done as a wedding party things and I wasn't included.
That's not what you said before.
Quote:
They all pitched in and bought my brother an expensive grill and golf clubs. I wasn't included in that. They are also planning to buy other gifts once the wedding date is closer.
The WEDDING PARTY includes the BRIDE'S side, too.
Please don't exaggerate to make the story worse. It's perfectly understandable that you're mad at the accident but your brother doesn't have to give up his life for you either (until you're in a fire or need 911)
Oh boy.
This is the icing on the cake.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181
They could help me. But, I wouldn't ask them for money to go on an out of state trip because I lived with them for awhile after my accident and they helped me with money for awhile too. So I'm not going to ask them for trip money.
You haven't accepted a single thing anyone has said here so I really suggest you get counseling or you'll just be miserable indefinitely.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 02-06-2018 at 04:57 PM..
God forbid, let your brother be in a burning building and need their help to get out alive you will see how quickly the feelings you have now will be pushed away by nothing short of full entrance to the family.
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
There's no guarantee a family will either. Maybe your family will, but not all.
The OP's brother is the key. Is the brother treating you badly? Are you upset with him? If not, then you need to suck it up and be his best man. You can't ruin your brother's wedding day because you don't click with his friends. That's not fair to your brother.
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