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I've tried talking to him about this and didn't go well because he said that he goes through a lot with these guys due to their jobs which I get. But, I did tell him that I feel like I'm being pushed out of his life by them and that I deserve respect because I'm his actual brother and not a co-worker. He gave that sappy response about how friends can become family.
move on then. Those who are closer to him should be the best man, no excuses. Don't let brother make excuses for bad behavior. Just do what you are comfortable with, and if they try to manipulate you, don't let them. They'll get over not being able to control you. No counselor needed then
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-05-2018 at 04:49 AM..
Since you are self-aware enough to understand that that might be the source of your discontent, it is very possible that discussing your feelings and your reaction to your brother's friends with a counselor might help you gain some perspective and allow you to enjoy the experience of participating in your brother's wedding along with his friends.
There's no a counselor in the world that will help me feel like a full man again or will help me enjoy being around my able bodied brother and his able bodied friends.
There's no a counselor in the world that will help me feel like a full man again or will help me enjoy being around my able bodied brother and his able bodied friends.
You obviously have been through something horrible. The problem is not your brother or his friends, it's your accident and injury.
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I was injured in a skiing accident last year and ended up with a spinal cord injury and I'm stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life so yeah I'm a little pissed about things.
This is terrible to hear OP. I am so sorry. Of course you are pissed...who wouldn't be? It still makes me think your brother was trying to give you something...by including you in his big life event in a unique way that no one else could share. Your very recent accident may be intensifying all this. He can't reverse what has happened to you or replace what you lost, but probably wishes he could. He probably knows why you envy his group of buddies. People often feel helpless and even a bit guilty for not being injured in such a profound way. Whether he's conscious of it or not, by asking you to do this he's reminding both of you that your bond is still important, that you matter.
I truly hope you two enjoy the wedding. The memories will matter more than the day itself. Think about which way they could go. The other buddies will come and go. You won't.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-04-2018 at 02:55 PM..
Since you are self-aware enough to understand that that might be the source of your discontent, it is very possible that discussing your feelings and your reaction to your brother's friends with a counselor might help you gain some perspective and allow you to enjoy the experience of participating in your brother's wedding along with his friends.
I won't speak ill of firefighters, especially since I live in Southern CA and our recent events. We have some very brave men and women.
There is an old joke "why do cops only hang out with other cops?", "because no one else can stand them".
I saw that first hand with someone who became a police officer, they no longer had time for old time friends and friends who attended social events with the "brothers" were not treated the same. In time the old friends were tossed aside.
We don't know the whole story here, and I am kind of surprised that firefighters would treat the OP this way, especially since his very tragic turn of events. But it is possible they are treating him poorly, and it's not just in his head.
The OP wasn't very specific as to what they were doing? Is there a bachelor party planned? Was he asked to help plan that?
Many were quick to gang up on him, and yes it is true this day isn't about him, but if he is the only non-firefighter in wedding party if could have legit reasons for feeling this way.
I would decline and not stress over it one bit. Don't let them guilt you, sounds as if he has very egotistical friends who are quite manipulative. Sorry but he is attracted to them for a reason. Not the best crowd and life is short. Enjoy it. If you feel like passing on the reception, do that too. Attend the wedding for sure though
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaddyLongLeg
move on then. Those who are closer to him should be the best man, no excuses. Don't let brother make excuses for bad behavior. Just do what you are comfortable with, and if they try to manipulate you, don't let them. They'll get over not being able to control you. No counselor needed then
Horrible advice. There is no evidence of bad behavior, just a clear indication of the OP's lack of acceptance of his new reality. And, I'm sorry OP, that's a rough diagnosis. But it's a clearly visible one, so any thought that your brother's friends are doing anything in an attempt to show you up is ridiculous. I won't say you aren't entitled to your self-pity, but that's what it is. Be there for your brother. I'm pretty sure he'll be there for you for many years ahead.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181
There's no a counselor in the world that will help me feel like a full man again or will help me enjoy being around my able bodied brother and his able bodied friends.
You really need to give it a shot. The alternative is a lifetime of being miserable.
Well, they aren't just co-workers. They are literally responsible for each others' lives. They are closer than friends; closer than co-workers. Unfortunately, the English language is very limited, so the closest word they can come up with is brother. Just remind yourself that there is more than one meaning to the word. They can't diminish what you and your bother share ... unless you let them, that is.
Yes...one term might be a military reference "brothers-in-arms" - that I'm sure the OP won't like but may reflect the danger that they share in. Regardless, family is family and you are the best man - don't be a child and bail out because of these other guys.
I won't speak ill of firefighters, especially since I live in Southern CA and our recent events. We have some very brave men and women.
There is an old joke "why do cops only hang out with other cops?", "because no one else can stand them".
I saw that first hand with someone who became a police officer, they no longer had time for old time friends and friends who attended social events with the "brothers" were not treated the same. In time the old friends were tossed aside.
We don't know the whole story here, and I am kind of surprised that firefighters would treat the OP this way, especially since his very tragic turn of events. But it is possible they are treating him poorly, and it's not just in his head.
The OP wasn't very specific as to what they were doing? Is there a bachelor party planned? Was he asked to help plan that?
Many were quick to gang up on him, and yes it is true this day isn't about him, but if he is the only non-firefighter in wedding party if could have legit reasons for feeling this way.
They left me out of the gifts they have given my brother and they also took him to a Colts game a few months back and i wasn't even invited. I probably wouldn't have had the money to go, but it pisses me off that they couldn't even ask or tell me. I had to see it on my brother's Facebook. I'm trying to plan the bachelor party locally, but they keep pushing for events out of state that I can't afford and so yes I think they are doing what they can to make me look bad and like I don't care about my brother. It's also their<bleep> comments about being "brothers" and how they have stronger bond that<bleep> me off.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-05-2018 at 04:53 AM..
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I'm sorry all this happened to you, OP.
Before your accident, did you feel that you should be included in your brother's circle of closest friends? Before the accident, if he and his friends were planning to go to a Colts game, would you have been included, or would you have felt slighted not to be included?
Was the Colts game a wedding party function thing, (seems a little hard to believe since the wedding is so far in the future, but maybe) or was it just this group of guys getting together because that's what they do?
They are not close knit because they are his wedding party, they are his wedding party because they are close knit.
And you are the best man, although you're not part of their social circle.
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