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This is another example of your arrogance. The young lady will be his better half, hopefully for a long and prosperous life. Maybe they will have and raise children together. Will you resent them as interlopers?
You are only one notch in the cog. Just because you have the same parents and you are right now hurt, green eyed, looking for a fight with everyone, blaming the world - it is their day. Not your day.
You can be part of their life on their terms and they include his fellow firefighters. No, you will never have full access to their relationships and that has nothing to do with your wheelchair. You are not part of them. Even wives come and go but the Engine House will stay.
You may one day be more mobile. Do not even start ranting. Things are happening in medicine at a crazy pace. Not much happens for those who fight wind mills. So get things sorted out.
Right now you are supposed to support your brother instead of trying to drive a wedge between him/you/his buddies. What is it?
I doubt I will ever be able to walk again. It takes years for researchers to get money and government/FDA approval for projects.
I know that once my brother and his future wife have kids that they will be the main focus and I'm ok with that and I'm ready to be an uncle.
Who will pay for your dinner suggestion above? And what is the purpose of a dinner? A dinner is by no means inexpensive.
Do you mean have a dinner instead of the very outmoded antiquated completely unneeded silly bachelor party?
(they already had what could be used as the 'requirement' of the bachelor party when they all gathered together to attend the Colts game; even though OP Van did not attend, that gathering could suffice as a bachelor party)
Who would pay for the dinner? The people who eat it! Who else? The purpose? To gather together with the groom and have an enjoyable evening. Is there something mystical or strange about that? And how many working men in their thirties will be discouraged by the cost of a few pizzas and pitchers of beer? Call me crazy but most people would certainly call that "inexpensive." If they're looking for a more formal dining experience I'm sure at least one would be able to figure out if it will break the bank.
I'm not sure what you had in mind with your quite judgemental "very outmoded antiquated completely unneeded silly bachelor party" comment but I am sure that no one will be wearing a paper plate hat, veil, lightup "BRIDE" pin and sampling penis-shaped lollipops. I've heard of all kinds of bachelor parties - some as simple as dinner out, some involving trips to exotic locales and some "just a night out with the boys." Some are months before the actual wedding and some (ridiculously) planned the night before the nuptials.
While some wedding party members may have gone to a football game, there may have been others along also but the best man is looking to put something together for his brother and I made a few suggestions; I suppose others prefer to just nitpick.
A single dinner won't work for a bachelor party and I said before that my brother only wants it for the wedding party. I can't invite cousins, school friends, or other friends.
I also won't borrow money just so I can attend an expensive out of town party that would include hotel rooms, gas, and other expenses. I did some counseling in rehab and didn't help. I'm not going to try going because I still have to do a lot of appointments with physical and occupational therapists and my general physician and a neurologist.
Look, I don't know what expectations you and the people you know have for a bachelor party but none of you are kids any more. A single dinner can definitely work as well as a night of carousing. I have certainly been to bachelor parties that had only a handful of attendees and some with dozens of guys. Food and entertainment can be whatever you want it to be and everybody pays their own way - I don't think I ever went to one where expenses were not shared. You may consider that your brother might just be looking to make things easier for you by limiting whatever you plan to a few guys but that's not a requirement, especially when you said you'd like to include some others - just do it. Who says you can't?
It is time for you to put all the negativity aside and take some steps to get your life back under your own control. Taking charge of this situation will be appreciated by your brother and just might help you see what you are capable of controlling yourself. Push yourself, test yourself, then do it again. I know, it's easy for me to say this sitting on my couch but you need to be your own best advocate and best friend.
You're seeing a regular doctor for regular medical needs, you're going to a neurologist for your spinal difficulties, you're doing your physical and occupational therapy to help adapt to your new situation, there's no reason you shouldn't also be seeing a therapist to help you deal with what's going on inside your head. Simply because you don't think it was helpful a while ago doesn't mean you had the right one or it was the right time. Even Superman needed help when he was paralyzed. The Christopher Reeve Foundation and the Miami Project are places to look for help if your medical care people aren't pushing you in that direction.
Stop finding reasons why you can't do something and find ways to make them happen. Do something good for yourself every day. Challenge yourself. And put some fun back in your life.
Well, they aren't just co-workers. They are literally responsible for each others' lives. They are closer than friends; closer than co-workers. Unfortunately, the English language is very limited, so the closest word they can come up with is brother. Just remind yourself that there is more than one meaning to the word. They can't diminish what you and your bother share ... unless you let them, that is.
And, the best way to let them is for you to withdraw from his wedding. Hang in there. Your brother will always be your brother. Don't make him choose.
Look, i do appreciate whatever they do for my brother in their jobs and that's it. I just wish my brother would focus more on his blood family and not them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181
It's more about them showing off and trying to make me feel bad and look bad.
This is your perception. You are blowing this way out of perportion
Someone has already told you about the bond beteween fireman. Same is with cops. What other job is there where a group depends so much one each other that they could literally die, if they weren't so bonded.
These guys are in it for life as long as your brother stays a fireman. This will not go away after the wedding.
For your brother, on his most important day. Put on your big boy pants and get over it. You are still his BEST MAN. The best thing you can do for your brother is be a man and deal with it.
Sometimes life hands you a sh^t sandwhich and we all gotta take a bite out of it. Stop sounding like a bridezilla.
You can’t change your brother, and pitching a toddler tantrum and skipping his wedding definitely won’t do it. Let his buddies throw him a bachelor party, explain you can’t make it for obvious reasons, and offer to help with inviting all of the other people you would have invited (cousins, school friends etc).
The purpose of being involved in a wedding is to make it the best experience possible for the person getting married. It’s not to make sure you get what you want out of it. Obviously it sucks that circumstances mean you won’t get to join in on all of the celebrations, but being there on the big day is the main thing.
Stop finding reasons why you can't do something and find ways to make them happen. Do something good for yourself every day. Challenge yourself. And put some fun back in your life.
Did you just say that? To a young active man who is now in a wheelchair?
Did you just say that? To a young active man who is now in a wheelchair?
Did you just say that?
Absolutely.
Life is not a pity party. This guy is young; he has a whole life ahead of himself. He has challenges that most of us will never have to face but everyone can challenge their own restrictions. On March ninth hundreds of athletes will participate in the Paralympics in Korea just weeks after the Winter Olympics Games. They will be there because they challenge themselves and they challenge each other.
Would you prefer they all just stay in bed? You could help him and others in similar situations by educating yourself rather than choosing to be offended. He has the power within himself to find a new way to live his life to his ultimate fulfillment. There are people and organizations that will help him but he must find a way to help himself get started.
When we married, I would never expect to be put on such a pedestal that my sister is uncomfortable around my friends.
My wedding wasn't "MY DAY" to the detriment of ANYONE. We could've just ran off and eloped. A wedding day or reception is not a requirement to being happily married or getting married. And no bachelor party needed. If he wasn't ready to get married and needed a party like that as some last fling, then he shouldn't get married. Luckily we've been happily married for about 3 decades now.
I think if OP's brother and his wife-to-be wants a wedding with all the trimmings, that's their decision. And if OP doesn't want to participate, that's his decision also. I myself did not have a bachelorette party, or a wedding shower; but I wouldn't begrudge someone else doing it.
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