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They keep saying how they are "brothers" and have a deeper bond
Anyone who tells my sister they have a deeper bond with her... than I do as her flesh and blood, will get a talking to. Firm but gentle
Now add my sister adds she feels she is being pushed out of my lifeby my friends who feel they are the true sisters/brothers. Um....no. This is not how we treat people. And if my sister felt they were showing off, well it does warrant a talking to to my so called "brothers from another mother"As the groom, this is how I would handle it. Then encourage my brother to remain as best man yet honor his decision if he chooses to bow out.
No one should be pushed into being a best man bytheir brother who claims his co-workers are brothers similarly..., and doesn't care when his friends/co-workers claim to be more important than his real blood brother. Something is quite amiss here though it is VERY nice he assisted the OP, his real brother, allowing him to live with them for a while after the accident
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
I know my family wouldn't do that. Just not how they roll. If it was the case where I need assistance like that, I have several friends who'd help. Your "test" fails in this instance.
Why don't you just admit that you're in that camp with the mentality that Blood "makes" the family and just accept that there are others that don't think like you. There are many instances where friends are in fact the "family" for others. The OP made it clear he's of the same mentality about Blood-- but his brother already indicated he's not of the same thought. Sheesh, what's with you and the OP being so dismissive about this?
That may be. But I know some firefighters. After some of them left, they'd sort of stay in touch.
But it's not like family. When you're old and an invalid in bed and need assistance, they won't be there. But your family probably will.
A phone call and a meet-together for lunch is great fun. But that's not family. They're buds. They're a gang. Family substitutes temporarily. Not family.
Do this test: Ask each of them if he'll come over and burst a boil on your butt because you can't go to a dr. (Think of a good reason you can't go to a dr.) Whoever comes to do that....that's family. I guarantee you none of those firefighting or army buds are gonna do that. But a member of your family might, as distasteful as it might be. There's family...and then there's everyone else.
Too bad you don't have the kind of friends I know. A friend of thirty years recently passed away after a couple of years of being bedridden. For those two years he had home aides part of the time, he had a niece who helped enormously and he had about eight friends who were with him constantly doing everything he needed - some quite distasteful.
People here tend to put everything in terms of how they live when understanding that everyone has different types of relationships might help them realize there is not just one standard.
You added this "STRONGER BOND" thing after you got a bunch of replies.
Not in your OP.
And yeah, it IS possible your brother doesn't have a strong bond with you. Nobody knows.
That's not what you said before.
The WEDDING PARTY includes the BRIDE'S side, too.
Please don't exaggerate to make the story worse. It's perfectly understandable that you're mad at the accident but your brother doesn't have to give up his life for you either (until you're in a fire or need 911)
Oh boy.
This is the icing on the cake.
You haven't accepted a single thing anyone has said here so I really suggest you get counseling or you'll just be miserable indefinitely.
I wasn't talking about my brother's friends. I lived with my parents who helped me financially.
From one Hoosier to another, vanb1181, please get therapy. You are transitioning from one life to another...a different life...and it's hard. You are so PISSED OFF right now and I know those feelings. My son is severely handicapped and when we were going through the acceptance of his different life that his Dad and I had not planned, the rage I felt was like nothing else.....
I think it is safer for you to ***** about your brother, rather than deal with your life now. From your post, you have made strides, you are out of the hospital and are working...that is BIG and as you move through each accomplishment, you will feel better...never the same, but different better.
This comes from my heart and I so hope you can (and I think you will) find peace and acceptance and joy again with someone helping you sort through all the issues. Hugs...
Anyone who tells my sister they have a deeper bond with her... than I do as her flesh and blood, will get a talking to. Firm but gentle
Now add my sister adds she feels she is being pushed out of my lifeby my friends who feel they are the true sisters/brothers. Um....no. This is not how we treat people. And if my sister felt they were showing off, well it does warrant a talking to to my so called "brothers from another mother"As the groom, this is how I would handle it. Then encourage my brother to remain as best man yet honor his decision if he chooses to bow out.
No one should be pushed into being a best man bytheir brother who claims his co-workers are brothers similarly..., and doesn't care when his friends/co-workers claim to be more important than his real blood brother. Something is quite amiss here though it is VERY nice he assisted the OP, his real brother, allowing him to live with them for a while after the accident
No one told OP they were closer to his brother than him, that is what OP is feeling, but no one is saying or doing anything to make him feel that way. OP already stTed nothing will make him feel better around his able-bodied brother and his buddies. He needs counseling. As for the gifts, OP already stated they all know he has no money.
But nowhere is there anything to indicate the guys are saying or doing anything to imply they are more important to his brother than OP.
Anyone who tells my sister they have a deeper bond with her... than I do as her flesh and blood, will get a talking to. Firm but gentle...
Give me a break... your sister may in some time in her life have a deeper bond with someone besides you. May it be her spouse or her children. Even a best friend she may have told things to that she may have not shared with you. And you know what? It is okay because she will always have a bond with you.
There is no contest in life. The more people you have in your life that care about you is a good thing.
No one told OP they were closer to his brother than him, that is what OP is feeling, but no one is saying or doing anything to make him feel that way. OP already stTed nothing will make him feel better around his able-bodied brother and his buddies. He needs counseling. As for the gifts, OP already stated they all know he has no money.
But nowhere is there anything to indicate the guys are saying or doing anything to imply they are more important to his brother than OP.
It was a statement by the OP from the brothers friends. No rebuttal needed, it is fact pertaining to the OP.
Your choice to believe it or not. Sounds as if you want to interject your own feelings more than go off of the OP which is again, your choice
There's a few things you might want to keep in mind about firefighters. Not that this applies to all of them, but I have had family members that were involved in their communities as firefighters. Firefighters often have this type of "brotherhood" type relationshp because they watch each others backs when they do have a dangerous situation to attend to such as of course, a fire, or somewhere where there may be individuals trapped inside. Because of this, there is a different type of relatioship and trust there. As a firefighter, you would want to be able to trust your co-workers to help you in the event something went horribly wrong. A full-time work shift for a firefighter can be about 72 hours per week and those shifts may be 24 hours each. This means leaving the girlfriend, fiancee, wife, or kids at home doing their own thing while putting your life on the line for others and sometimes wondering, "Am I going to make it home tomorrow morning?" Their jobs are full of hazards and you never know when a co-worker could suddenly die and not be there the next shift. This I can imagine might be a frightening thought. Because of the length of the shifts, firefighters may end up sleeping, showering, sitting on the couch and watching television while waiting for the dispatcher to speak over a loud speaker, cooking meals together, and basically living at the firehouse almost as they would at home. The station they are at is often their second home or as I have heard some say their "home away from home". There are many times they may even be spending holidays together like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Ever been into a firehouse for a few hours? Maybe your brother would be allowed to let you in and have you by and you could see into his world a little bit. It's generally pretty chill and feels like a home. They have a lot of time to get to know their co-workers. Perhaps this may help you understand why this type of relationship exists with your brother and his co-workers and why this feels like his "family".
Also, it makes sense that he would have a few police officers as friends because firefighters and law enforcement are often sent to the same locations to perform their own unique duties. It makes sense if some of the same firefighters run into some of the same police officers again and again since they may work similar shifts. In these dangerous situations, they got each other's back.
Although, I do not agree that he should be putting co-workers ahead of his direct family. This is easy for firefighters to get wrapped in some times and can be a tough priority to juggle with this type of job. A good firefighter will also learn how to juggle these priorities. If he can't juggle these priorities when he gets married and doesn't put the Mrs. first before his firefighting friends, he is going to have a marriage in a lot of trouble and she will feel as frustrated as you do. He will have to learn to balance his home life and work life.
It was a factual statement. There is no way else to read it. Nice try though
I never saw that either. I read no post where any of the guys said that to the OP.
You posted links from a few different people - how come?
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Give me a break... your sister may in some time in her life have a deeper bond with someone besides you. May it be her spouse or her children. Even a best friend she may have told things to that she may have not shared with you. And you know what? It is okay because she will always have a bond with you.
