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........ But what do you think? If I shouldn't go, how can I convince them without them getting upset over it and feeling so rejected?
I think you don't provide enough information about your full circumstances for people to be able to offer you adequate advice.
Just say no, you don't want to go visit relatives this year, you want some time for yourself to just relax at home by yourself and do your own thing while they go away.
If they get upset about it ask them if they don't trust you enough to be independent and stay alone by yourself in the house while they are away on vacation.
I suspect that lack of trust to leave you alone because of your autism is at the heart of them insisting that you accompany them. If this is the case then you need to be able to convince them that you're capable of fending for yourself and won't trash or burn the house down or starve yourself to death while they are away.
Do you fend for yourself at home? Do you do any of your own shopping, cooking and laundry and housework and chores and odd jobs around the house, or do your mom and dad do everything for you? If your parents are accustomed to having to do everything for you at home then there is no way they're going to go on vacation and leave you alone in their house. So be prepared to DEMONSTRATE that you are fully capable of being responsible for yourself and for their house. If you can't do that then you better resign yourself to going on holiday with them for the rest of their lives.
From a different perspective.... of an aging paremt....
1. How do you get to the family vacation destination? Do they drive or are they wanting you to come to do most of the driving now that they are in their late 50s. 60s or older or because they do not like to drive on interstates and city traffic? My parents used to pay my brother to drive them places when they were in their 70s and starting to have health problems.
2. Exactly how many days of your 2 weeks of vacations are you talking about? If it is just 3 or 4 days, plan some side trips away from the family to do things you like to do.
3. Is there a family reunion that they want you to get to know family members at? Are you an only child? I know I worry about my sons who are single....What will they do if I am gone? Will they even know their Northern aunts and uncles if they don't go up there with us. Oldest son does and enjoys it-even though most of the family are not people he would be friends with. Youngest one is always working and does not know anyone in the family unless they use him to get into a Disney Park using one of his benefits.
4. Are they paying your expenses?
5. Could you not give them these days and plan more exotic vacations during the other days of your vacation ? Your parents love you and will not be here forever. I am sure they did things for you that were not the most fun thing in the world for them to do. Mine were bad about making mom come out of her comfort zone. I also went on a lot of boring field trips, band trips, and sports trips with them....I mean I even went to boring Nascar Races and I have always hated it.
6. If you are sullen about going chaances are it is not fun anymore for them either; so tell them the truth if you really don't want to spend the 1 on 1 time with your parents on parts of the trips and just can't endure another moment with the cousins. They may say Thank God and they might be relieved because they may have endured the trips just thinking it was something they were doing for you.
7. Get out there with your friends and plan some trips to better places. You are too young to be spending all your time with your parents.
Go and get wasted, make a complete fool of yourself, hell, take a liberal friend (and we all know who i'm talking about) that would be even better! That would teach all those stuffed shirts a lesson. Bet you'd never be invited again, maybe they would disown you.
I don't know. Lots of people don't really enjoy getting together with their relatives on holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. But most still do it because it's a family tradition. It sounds to me like this yearly vacation is also considered a family tradition.
I understand that at age 33 you want to feel more independent and be able to stand up to your parents. I completely get that. But also realize that being an adult doesn't mean it's ok to be selfish.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoliz
This is ludicrous. Not wanting to spend time with unpleasant family members doesn't make one selfish.
I didn't say it did. This really isn't about the unpleasant family members. This is about his parents.
He has made it clear that it's very important to his parents that he participate in this long-standing family tradition.
The definition of selfish is: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
By choosing not to go, he would be showing no regard for his parents' wishes.
I didn't say it did. This really isn't about the unpleasant family members. This is about his parents.
He has made it clear that it's very important to his parents that he participate in this long-standing family tradition.
The definition of selfish is: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
By choosing not to go, he would be showing no regard for his parents' wishes.
Like it or not, chicagoliz, that's selfish.
No one should live their life for other people. If that's selfish, so be it.
Holy, a lot of responses came in fast, thanks everyone for the advice
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
This sounds like a good plan. I think it might be best to start with skipping one year, then extend to two, etc. Once they get used to you not going every year, it will get easier. Do these relatives ever visit your area? If so, can you just see them when they are in town?
In fact, they just came in and saw us last week, which is why double the reason why I don't feel like seeing them again so fast.
I think the main reason why they really want me to go with them is because my brother is going through some mental health problems, which I posted about before in this thread, explaining it better:
Basically they feel that if I go, my brother will go, and if I don't my bro will want to stay home and they feel they cannot leave him home alone with those issues, and I think my parents feel that if I don't want to go, then I am not being supportive of his problems.
All of that is true, but because of the OP's autism he's demonstrated that he doesn't always understand how people will react emotionally to things. It's important to frame not going on this trip kindly and logically so that his parents don't see it as, "I would rather sit on the couch and do nothing than go on this trip with you."
Or he could just say, “I’m not going this year.”
Parents might try to argue or persuade, but if he does not want to go, he does not have to go.
Well if I don't go, I am 96% sure, they won't go, cause they keep saying they will not enjoy it without me, and I think they may be embarrassed if I don't come along.
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