My parents insist that I go on vacation with them every year, but I do not want to. (husband, member)
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He can find other ways to be close to his parents that don't involve sacrificing hard earned money and vacation time to take an unenjoyable trip to see people that he has little in common with.
I'm basing my view on the limited info in the OP. There was no mention of a wife, children or any other obligation that would make this once-a-year trip a burden. Visiting relatives is usually pretty economical...at least in my family, because we generally don't pay for lodging and food. I have accepted that most of the people here have vastly different family values than me. I'm just glad I'm not married to any of you (and I'm sure the feeling is mutual ).
Frankly you should have put your foot down 11 years ago and said HELL no. Let them whine about it all they want. Your PTO and your cash, your rules. End of discussion.
Agreed. The longer you put this off, the harder it will be. Just tell them you have limited time off, and have made other plans about how to use it. No need to be unpleasant about it, just be firm.
It's a few days a year. If attending this event seriously impacts the OP's life, he has big problems.
Actually it seems the parents are the ones with the problems. Family values doesn’t include emotionally manipulating your adult children into going on a trip.
Keep in mind that your parents aren't going to be around much longer.
"Shoulda, coulda, wish I woulda" makes for a poor lifestyle.
Will you regret the fact that you could have gone with them and pretended to enjoy yourself, just to please them?
Once they are gone, you can ignore those awful relatives.
Think about it.
I don't know. Lots of people don't really enjoy getting together with their relatives on holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. But most still do it because it's a family tradition. It sounds to me like this yearly vacation is also considered a family tradition.
I understand that at age 33 you want to feel more independent and be able to stand up to your parents. I completely get that. But also realize that being an adult doesn't mean it's ok to be selfish.
I'm basing my view on the limited info in the OP. There was no mention of a wife, children or any other obligation that would make this once-a-year trip a burden. Visiting relatives is usually pretty economical...at least in my family, because we generally don't pay for lodging and food. I have accepted that most of the people here have vastly different family values than me. I'm just glad I'm not married to any of you (and I'm sure the feeling is mutual ).
Since you know nothing about the posters here and their family lives you are not in a position to judge their family values. I would think family values includes mutual respect ,yes? .
You can’t convince them, and they will try and guilt you.
How you handle it is by saying you aren’t doing that this year, and stick to your guns. Arguing is pointless, so don’t argue. Just do not go with them.
You are an adult, and you get to decide how to spend your vacation.
I'm basing my view on the limited info in the OP. There was no mention of a wife, children or any other obligation that would make this once-a-year trip a burden. Visiting relatives is usually pretty economical...at least in my family, because we generally don't pay for lodging and food. I have accepted that most of the people here have vastly different family values than me. I'm just glad I'm not married to any of you (and I'm sure the feeling is mutual ).
Just because he may not have a wife or children doesn't mean the trip isn't a burden. It's money spent and vacation time wasted on some place he doesn't enjoy going. Visiting relatives isn't always economical. Frequestly there isn't room in their home for free lodging. Or perhaps the visitors find staying in the home very unpleasant, so they need to stay in a hotel for everyone's sanity. So between airfare, lodging, possibly rental car, and food isn't always free ... that's a lot of money for some people.
All of that is true, but because of the OP's autism he's demonstrated that he doesn't always understand how people will react emotionally to things. It's important to frame not going on this trip kindly and logically so that his parents don't see it as, "I would rather sit on the couch and do nothing than go on this trip with you."
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