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Then there are people who talk to you about other people that you don't know without explaining who they are. My sister does this. On and on about Ralph or somebody as if I met this person and know his background.
What's even worse, sometimes she's not talking about humans. When she was manager at a riding stable, she kept going on about how difficult Grace was to work with. Grace wouldn't listen or do what she was supposed to do, Grace was always in a bad mood, Grace just wanted to go off into a corner when it was hot...and then she mentioned that she started giving Grace more oats. The whole time she was yammering, I thought Grace was somebody who worked for her. She was one of the horses.
Yup. This has happened to me when people give their pets people names. "I had to scoop up the poop with a paper towel." I thought it was a child.
I mentioned this in another thread along the same lines. Conversations I hate are the ones where somebody is telling me about talking to somebody else and has to give a narrative. "I said hi, how are you? He said I'm doing OK. How are you? I told him I'm fine. He asked how my mama was feeling...and on and on and on and on.
Don't forget the insertion of a dramatic pause here and there, expecting the listener to gasp with surprise, even if they heard that story several times already.
I write How To books. I'm in the middle of working on a manual on how middle aged ppl can get their parents to not complain ALL THE effen TIME.
In my research, it turns out complaining and negative comments is not just a habit ppl can get into. This habit gets even worse.
It turns out neural pathways (or other brain biology - I need to look into this further) change so complaining becomes more and more of a physical pattern of thought that the complainer finds difficult to change / escape.
I think it is similar to muscle memory along the nervous system. If you practice, say, a specific golf swing, your muscle memory creates grooves along that nervous system pathway.
A friend of mine works with people with pain in limbs which have been amputated. Using mirrors and specific exercises, new neural pathways are created in the brain so phantom limb pain is reduced or eliminated. Now this therapy is widely used with stroke victims.
So complaining and negative thinking/talking needs to be nipped in the bud before it starts interfering with healthy brain activity. I'm working on writing manuals, books, and forms for nursing home staff to use in the hope of delaying the brain a firm grip on negative thinking.
Still a work in progress.....
OP - thanks for starting this discussion!
It depends on the context. Sometimes, people just want some validation. If something is seriously bothering me, I carefully select who I want to the person that I wish to tell, hoping for some sympathy or someone who can relate to the experience. It can be healthy to unburden yourself and not bear the stress of carrying something troublesome by yourself. Cultural values also have to be considered. Some people come from environments where it's important to wear a smile or have a stiff upper lip in times of adversity. They apply this value system to others and look down on those who come from family cultures where it's important to communicate issues without holding back, otherwise it's insulting because you avoided intimacy with someone who thought that they were close or you can be accused of being secretive and hurtful.
It's not so much the subject matter, whether it's negative or positive, but the manner in which the information is presented.
I'd wait a few years from writing that book. No one likes a smart-ass nurse putting on a phony smile and asking "And how are WE today?" Please get a graduate degree in neuroscience or psychiatry first and really read the studies with understanding the science. There's a reason for the phantom limb pain and it can actually be helpful.
Honestly, none of these really bother me. If I like the person and enjoy their company I don't mind talking about their life, and if that includes their kids, their vacations,the game last week, their job, home renovations, so what?
People talk about what's going on in their lives. Guess I am not sure what people should talk about? Just the weather?
Right lol Some of the ones posters have mentioned are a bit ridiculous. I mean if I'm good friends with someone, I'd want to know what's going on in their life.
As long as it's mostly positive, I don't care what they talk about. It's okay to have a bad day every now and then. I avoid people who are constantly negative.
One thing I don't like is people complaining about something and then do nothing about it. Solve the problem rather than endlessly complaining about the same issue. It's exhausting listening to it. Or if the problem can't be solved, learn to accept it as what it is. Sometimes, things happen when you're not looking.
I don't care to hear gossip about others especially when I don't even know them. It's a complete waste of my time and usually the story of the person being gossiped about isn't completely true.
1) Kids
2) Spouse
3) Home and garden
4) Vacations
5) Job
6) Romantic relationships
7) Shopping and sales
Those are the 7 (in no particular order) most common boring, banal, vacuous topics of conversation I run into 99% of the time.
I'm not a small-talker anyway and I find that listening to how many homeruns their kid made in the semi-finals or how wonderful Germany is in the fall are ... well ... yawn-inducing.
Of course, I have a reason: Being disabled with limited mobility and chronic pain I don't have 1) kids, 2) a spouse, 3) my own home and garden, 4) I can't go on awesome vacations, 5) I can't work, 6) don't want a romantic relationship and 7) I hate shopping; I go into a store to get what I came there to get and I leave.
So, uh, what does that leave me to talk about?
I tend to only become interested if someone starts talking about deeper, more intellectual topics -- science (especially astronomy/cosmology), history, politics and religion (usually big no-nos), social commentary (what do YOU think about all these cell phones?), and anything that moves the conversation away from the banality and trivia of our daily lives. Because I honestly don't give a damn what you had for dinner last night or what your golf score was last weekend (though if you made some impossible shot by bouncing the ball off the caddy's head, having it richochet off the golf cart, skim across the water trap, and plop into the hole, I'd be like ... wow!)
I find myself avoiding group settings with strangers because I have nothing to add to banal conversations and they have nothing I want to hear -- let alone talk about. If I *have* to put up with one of these agonizing get-togethers, I just (sometimes) patiently wait for someone to rise above the mediocrity and begin talking about something interesting. Then I come alive.
This thread makes me wonder if the whole country is full of irritable and agitated people. Perhaps when folks are in their 80s or older and forgotten by most others they will be happy to hear about someone’s dog, grandchildren or favorite sports team.
Are you serious? First of all, the topic is "boring topics." Not "topics that make you irritable and agitated and want to kill people." I can be bored by your conversation, but still calm and polite.
Secondly, I am one of those who might bore some of those here by talking about my cats or my garden, however, I do make an effort to be sure I'm talking to like-minded people who also enjoy those hobbies.
Someones's favorite sports team? Oh please. Sports nuts can be the most crushing bores going on and on and on and on and on about statistics, the play by play of a game they saw, etc. Nobody gets bored when somebody casually mentions "that was a great Rangers game last night!"
This just reminded me of a story. I'll make it short A few weeks ago I was visiting relatives in NY. An older aunt wanted to see pictures of my house. I had some on my phone mixed in with the farm and goats. I showed her the goats and said "you don't want to see those" and she said "not really", lol. At least she was honest.
Perhaps when folks are in their 80s or older and forgotten by most others they will be happy to hear about someone’s dog, grandchildren or favorite sports team.
I have to say no to that. My fairly extensive experience with people 80+ indicates that they are no more interested in random dogs, unrelated children, or sports teams they have never followed than they were when they were young. Instead, they generally prefer to talk about their OWN pets, grandchildren, and aches and pains.
Don't forget the insertion of a dramatic pause here and there, expecting the listener to gasp with surprise, even if they heard that story several times already.
I'm a smartass and tell people not to keep me in suspense when they do that.
This just reminded me of a story. I'll make it short A few weeks ago I was visiting relatives in NY. An older aunt wanted to see pictures of my house. I had some on my phone mixed in with the farm and goats. I showed her the goats and said "you don't want to see those" and she said "not really", lol. At least she was honest.
I'd love to see the goats, but I like her honesty.
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A few weeks ago I was visiting relatives in NY. An older aunt wanted to see pictures of my house. I had some on my phone mixed in with the farm and goats. I showed her the goats and said "you don't want to see those" and she said "not really", lol. At least she was honest.
