My brother stole money from our parents (divorced, mother, father)

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

IMHO, there is a tremendous difference between helping out an adult child in their 20s , possibly just a few years out of college, who is a "slow starter" and fully supporting and enabling an adult child who is a grown man, married with a child, still living at home and is firmly in adult hood ( at age 38).

I was specifically asking TeacherTerry for a response.

This was not a general comment on this thread, thus quoting TeacherTerry and asking about her situation.

[Teacher Terry]

My son is now 42. We all helped him for years with getting him in treatment programs, letting him live with us, financially until he found a job, etc. The longest he has stayed clean and kept a job has been about a year. He is a hard worker when clean. 3 years ago he got a job and was clean and got into a sober living apartment. We all gave lots of moral support and a little financial. It lasted a year. He is homeless now but called and said he had a job. We helped him through his 20’s and part of his 30’s. It’s depressing.

[jencam]

Does he have a metal illness? Is he a drug addict?

[Teacher Terry]

Drug addiction.

[ClaraC]

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

My son is now 42. We all helped him for years with getting him in treatment programs, letting him live with us, financially until he found a job, etc. The longest he has stayed clean and kept a job has been about a year. He is a hard worker when clean. 3 years ago he got a job and was clean and got into a sober living apartment. We all gave lots of moral support and a little financial. It lasted a year. He is homeless now but called and said he had a job. We helped him through his 20’s and part of his 30’s. It’s depressing.

Sounds like you did what you could. He has a lot of struggles. Sounds like he loves you, and wants to impress you, thus he called and told you he had a job.

So painful - maybe he'll finally somehow, rise. Your story is my very greatest fear about what would happen to my son, that thank God didn't come all the way to fruition, despite others telling me to cut him off.

This must be so hard.

[NJBoy3]

Sounds like mental health issues may be an present. If it were me the police and social services would be contacted. If proper action is not taken more money could be lost. People end up living on the street because of stuff like this. And often when someone gets a good talking to by the police they act differently..

[GotHereQuickAsICould]

Originally Posted by YorktownGal

I would go to a lawyer or the police and ask them how you can protect yourself. You don't have to file a report against your brother. Just talk to them. More information is always good.

I hate to say this, but it is only going to get worse.

There is no reason for you to support your father in this situation.

Sounds good to me.

Talk to a lawyer about what your financial responsibilities are from a legal standpoint and what, if anything, can be done about your brother.

If she is a religious person, talk with her priest or pastor about the situation to get that perspective.

Then have a discussion with your mother.

If she can support your brother, then she can support your stepfather during these lean months when he doesn't have any money due her son stealing from him.

If she is still planning to sell the house your father is living in and give the money to your brother, explain what the long term consequences are of that to her.

For example, should she end up impoverished and needing help, would her spendthrift son be able to provide that help?

[KathrynAragon]

OK maybe I am dense but I need help understanding something. Are there two men involved - your father AND your stepfather?

[cristina_19701]

Yes, there are two men involved. He stole from our father, who has a very small pension, and from our stepfather, who has a very good pension to live. He discovered how much is the pension of our stepfather and is constantly asking for more money. He know he has it and he wants always more. Even always spending money, he don't spend it with his son or wife; my mother pays for everything. I buy clothes and other things my nephew needs. In october my stepfather discovered that my brother was still trying to steal money from his account. He also found out that my brother stole his guns. I went to his house and got the guns back. My mother was very angry with me. "You shouldn't do this to your brother".

So my brother has no regrets and keeps going with his criminal behavior.

My mother is acting as it was normal to steal- she says it is - because our stepfather has more money and because our father "wasn't so good as a father". I think it is wrong to steal! I feel very upset with her behaviour. But I will talk to her and explain everything again.

I don't know anybody who could help me, maybe talk to my stepfather, but normally my mother manipulates him to do everything she wants.

[KathrynAragon]

So you are not responsible legally for care and maintenance of your stepfather if necessary, right? I mean, legally, in your country. Just your dad, right?