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She's not going to repay what he stole. Now my father is in so much debt that he is not going to receive his pension for at least 3 months. So it is me who is paying for his things. He doesn't have anyone else to help him. My mother thinks I have to pay for all, because he is my father.
If you are legally responsible to do so, report the theft. Covering this up only enables this profligate, selfish behavior.
Be prepared for an emotional response from your mother.
If you are waiting for your mother to finally acknowledge your worth, it is likely you will never receive what you want. To her, your needs are expendable, but baby boy’s are paramount. You need to understand that she will enable, enable, enable, and she will expect you to do same.
If it is feasible, I would seek legal advice about reporting the theft, and about not being ensnared in your mother and brother’s extremely unhealthy relationship.
Cristina I have to ask, are your parents and stepfather afraid of your half-brother? Is your 'father' afraid of his own son? Or do they give in because of pity? Also do you feel threatened by your brother when he wants money?
The reason I ask is if you have no fear of harm maybe you could talk your 'father' into allowing you to be his guardian or however that would work in Brazil. Then you could make sure your brother does not have access to your father's pension or future savings. As for your mother, hopefully her husband's money will last long enough for she and her husband to solve their part of this problem. And as you have said you are ultimately responsible for your mother when she can no longer take care of herself financially so you might as well be prepared to take your mother's financial matters under your wing as well when her husband tires of giving his money away.
I'm very sorry for you and hope you can get your way out of this. First though I think you should convince your 'father' to allow you to have control of his finances if he is willing AND you know for a fact you can keep his money for him so his son doesn't take it. If you go to all this trouble and find out you won't be able to stop your brother's stealing then it will have been for nothing.
Your mother trained her son to be a thief and now she's receiving her reward. The more he steals, the more she makes available to him. No wonder he's the way he is. I don't envy him for the bleak future he will have, when all his sources of money have passed on. I wish I could give some good advice for dealing with him, but I just can't think of anything. You should make sure that he doesn't turn you into his source, when the rest of the family is either gone or broke.
"stealing" from a family member is not stealing unless the person the property is taken from says so.
(this is a general statement).
Bottom line is that there is very little one can do about "unsaid agreements" between other family members...especially the elderly who are often reliant on others.
Amil23: No, they don't feel threatened. They think my brother is a 'poor guy', like a child, who can't think better. I think my parents feel they have to do everything for him, because he is incapable of surviving alone.
He can't steal me, I keep my bank matters very private. I'm also not seeing my brother since we discovered the fraud. I went to his house to confront him that day, but he didn't say much, was ironical and kept a very defiant face. He acted like nothing mattered to him. Now I feel I don't want any contact with him.
I am now the guardian of my father financial life, my brother can't do anything. I'll be responsible for his bank account now so nobody can steal him.
steve mcdonald: I don't envy him either. I feel bad to know that he is capable of so much bad things. I also feel sorry for his son who's only 10. This is the example he is setting for him? But how a person like him could be a good father? It is impossible.
I will talk to my mother again and try to convince her to think before doing something really foolish. I'm willing to take care of her if needed, but we need to think about the reality: even if her husband is well financially now, he is 89 and has 5 kids from previous marriages. They're all in his will. So I just want her to be wise.
I would run from the situation and only worry about it when the time comes. Your family is not allowing you to help. Your wishes are not being addressed. It is as though anything you say does not matter.
Worry about you and your own children if you have them. Anything that you have tried does not seem to work.
The only question I would have is what outcome are you looking for?
Stop supporting these able-bodied adults until they agree to call the police and put a stop to your brother's criminal behaviour.
Or, just spend yourself into the poorhouse. Your call.
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