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Last year I got a small gift, a pretty soap dispenser because I noticed her kitchen had a plain plastic one. This year I have no idea AND I want to include her husband and son who have helped me move furniture.
Her other friends seem to know how to come up with nice gift ideas, and I don't. The pretty soap dispenser and some fun little bottles of vodka in different flavors on another occasion and I am out of ideas.
Oh, and a long time ago before I knew her better I got a small cake and a gift card for a birthday. The gift card went to her son, as she doesn't like Starbucks.
I pressed a higher value gift card later to a place I KNOW she and hubby like to eat but she didn't want to take it at all.
The income disparity is huge and to me that doesn't mean I don't do my share of giving but to her it does. It would pain her if the gift is too expensive.
She might be like me and just hates getting stuff
And the soap dispenser you gave her - does she use it?
She might have a specific way of doing things and hates getting items like kitchen stuff.
My sibling is always doing this. I only buy packs of white flour sack cloth towels. I use those for everything. I do not want colorful dish towels etc. These i can throw them in the wash with hot water and bleach. Can't do that with colorful ones
I’m kind of there too. I tell my kids, if I can’t eat, burn it, or otherwise use it up, I dont need it. A nice bottle of wine or booze, or chocolates or coffee or tea, or fancy soaps, work for me.
i say if i cant eat it or spend it - i don't want it!
And the soap dispenser you gave her - does she use it?
She might have a specific way of doing things and hates getting items like kitchen stuff.
My sibling is always doing this. I only buy packs of white flour sack cloth towels. I use those for everything. I do not want colorful dish towels etc. These i can throw them in the wash with hot water and bleach. Can't do that with colorful ones
Yes, that was a hit. She was using a plastic one and this is stainless steel which matches her kitchen decor.
Another hit was a bark box. With 5 dogs more toys and treats will get used.
Why don't you take her at her word that she doesn't want a gift, and treat her to lunch as planned? At this point you buying her something is more about you than about making your friend happy.
Could be. Normal people don't like to only be takers.
Where is the "common courtesy" of loading someone "who has everything" with more "stuff."
So "settle" is the name for treating someone to your company when that person already, according to the scenario, has stuff, stuff, stuff enough? You make it sound as if honoring the relationship with some personal company at lunch is second rate when compared to buying token items they seemingly don't need and probably don't want.
Why would such a person want a do-dad like a "friendship box" (or whatever) when they could have an hour or so of personal friendship time at lunch? Someone has suggested a donation to a charity, and this has the really significant plus of spending any cash in a beneficial way.
I understand what you are saying, but here is the deal. She has reported gifts in the past that she LIKES. Look! So and so gave me this! Other times she says so and so gave me blah blah and I gave it to my son/a client/etc. so I'm trying to something I obviously cannot: think of something that she would like.
Her saying 'you can treat me to something at the restaurant' was her saying If you must do something, you can do that' when I was at a loss and had to directly ask something she'd enjoy. She knows I take issue with always being on the receiving end.
It's about income to her. She doesn't want me to spend when she can buy anything she wants. She always wants to pay for lunch/dinner. She'll give me a lecture in advance 'I know you want to pay, but it doesn't make sense'.
She doesn't know it, but going to see these lights is sort of a present. I don't want to. I am because she wants to and I could tell she was let down when I didn't go last year.
Almost everyone likes those. My sister and Aunt get them every year but this year I sent those gourmet cookies. I hope they are as good as they look.
Someone said something impersonal about Amazon. My sister thinks it's fun. I sent several small gifts to her when she was helping with my brother and it became a joke to them. Amazon package - must bed something from Jen (they never use it).
Do they like movies? You could buy them a RedBox gift card, some microwave popcorn and a few other snacks and put it in a gift basket to give them a family movie night.
Could be. Normal people don't like to only be takers.
It's possible to show gratitude without trinkets and tchotchkes. This woman knows you're on a budget and she's told you not to buy her anything. A real gift would be listening to her wishes, and just enjoying the time you're spending together.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 12-22-2019 at 08:22 AM..
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