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You don't want to put any effort into a relationship with your mother, but you want her on call when you need advice? That's unfair and pretty selfish.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,635 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50666
Here's the dynamic at work here, OP.
Despite a set of serious health concerns, your mother views you (correctly) as completely capable of running your own life. That's a stake she has in the ground. You're good, despite many challenges, she doesn't have to spend a moment wondering what will become of you.
Your brother is probably a warm, loving guy, and she's close to him in a relationship but knows he will never, ever be capable of anything at all, and when she's gone who knows what will happen to him.
Your sister (is she in prison?) is also unreliable and hasn't turned out well.
When the one person she expects to be capable and fully "launched" needs help, she can't give it. She can't let go of the belief that you're fine and not a concern.
Also, despite her advance age, your mother sounds childlike.
You don't want to put any effort into a relationship with your mother, but you want her on call when you need advice? That's unfair and pretty selfish.
Wasn't trying to be mothered, my mom was an RN. Thus, I asked for her advice. Sorry to bother people by my post. Seemed to rub a lot of people the wrong way. I went to urgent care and sought medical attention.
Wasn't trying to be mothered, my mom was an RN. Thus, I asked for her advice. Sorry to bother people by my post. Seemed to rub a lot of people the wrong way. I went to urgent care and sought medical attention.
We don't have a personal interest in your situation. I doubt it rubbed anyone the wrong way. It's just that you're assuming that THEY (mom and bro) are "wrong" and YOU are "right," when all have contributed to the dysfunction here.
The most glaring point to me is that you can't expect your mom to be there for you only when you want her, on YOUR terms, without also being there for her in some way that she appreciates.
Relationships require give and take from BOTH parties, even family relationships.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,635 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50666
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalThom
Wasn't trying to be mothered, my mom was an RN. Thus, I asked for her advice. Sorry to bother people by my post. Seemed to rub a lot of people the wrong way. I went to urgent care and sought medical attention.
Cal, it's not personal. That's what happens on an internet forum. There are people who are just waiting for ways to attack other people.
I waived any trustee fee so my mom would have money to live. Never asked for a penny, never took a penny. I've lent my parents thousands over the years, most had been paid back. My father was circling near bankruptcy around the recession, and I took ver his account and turned it into a profitable one. I also lent about 20k to him and 10k to my mom to hold them over until the market corrected.
Tried to see if my bro would want to work with me. His response was he will not work for less than 75k a year, plus benefits. Tried to help him start a side business and grow, he told me that I should set it up and manage it for him. So, there you go. I am not the ungrateful nor unhelpful son or brother that some have suggested.
We don't have a personal interest in your situation. I doubt it rubbed anyone the wrong way. It's just that you're assuming that THEY (mom and bro) are "wrong" and YOU are "right," when all have contributed to the dysfunction here.
The most glaring point to me is that you can't expect your mom to be there for you only when you want her, on YOUR terms, without also being there for her in some way that she appreciates.
Relationships require give and take from BOTH parties, even family relationships.
I asked a retired RN on how to lower a fever since OTC meds weren't working. Okay, I see your point.
I asked a retired RN on how to lower a fever since OTC meds weren't working. Okay, I see your point.
I don't really care about the money issues. The emotional issues are the most important to me in this situation, since that is the foundation of your relationship. This wasn't just any "retired RN."
I'm glad you're understanding that you can't box off your relationship with her into separate parts. And I'm also glad you got professional help for the infection or whatever was causing that persistent fever.
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