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It doesn't read as if he really wants to give that up, though. He's a financial planner, and it comes across as if he takes significant satisfaction in "knowing better" than his mom and brother.
Great advice.
Ohh, birdie birdie, birdie.. I would hope I know my than my mom and my brother, as this is what I do for a living. Since my parents were near bankrupt and they asked me to help them, that I why I did so. For years I wouldn't get involved as money and family do not mix. However, what would had been even worse is if my parents lost everything because I refused to help. So, yes, I guess I am a bad guy in your eyes.
Wow! It more sounds like he is getting frustrated and sick of their refusal to be responsible for themselves, believe it or not parents who are irresponsible will guilt and hound the most responsible kid to enable them. I don’t believe the op is taking any satisfaction in knowing more then his mother, but more hurt that his mother a RN wasn’t bothered enough to give advice to her son, which I’m sure is hurtful to the op. I would say that they are resentful that he is doing well job wise.
When the spending was out of control, and mom refused to listen, I resigned and said she's on her own. The stipend was automatic and I no longer looked after the account. Two months later she asked for my help and finances improved. During this time, I looked for an independent advisor, but adding the lowest fee I could negotiate would actually hurt my mom, and I do not want to do that. I think distance helps and that is what I need to focus on.
Doesn't this story sound familiar to anyone else? I know I've heard it before, and the OP in that one had spine injuries from a car crash (IIRC). Same worthless mom and lapdog little bro.
No, don't wait until your sister is released. I'm going to suggest you get started on dissolving the trust now, ASAP before sis gets out and sets up that whole new dynamic. As Nov3 mentioned above, as trustee all you get out of this arrangement is you receive a stipend for managing the account - but you can turn that role over thru the courts. The court will assign a new primary trustee to take your place, one who is totally neutral and impartial and can't be swayed or distracted or guilt tripped by the rest of your family's emotional or financial dramas. Though you will lose your trustee's stipend when you turn over trusteeship you will also be shucking off a large burden of responsibility as well as emotional stress that is presently worsening your health. Your health and mental well being is more important than a trustee's stipend and if you don't have the stress of those family responsibilities on your shoulders you may even be able to improve the personal relationship with the family.
I think your post now might have hit a nerve with some people here because your post for some people is like experiencing deja vu which has gotten you off on the wrong foot. The reason why is that a few months ago there was another poster with very, very similar health problems and occupation who had almost identical family and trustee and financial problems going on with his mother and brother. While he got lots of good, sound advice from other sympathetic posters here he ignored all of the good advice he got and it became obvious that all he really wanted to do was snivel, whine and complain. He wasn't really looking for advice and had no intention of trying to improve his situation, he just wanted people to vent at and get snarky at. So some people here felt burned, lost patience and gave up on him since they were clearly wasting their time trying to help him.
I'm assuming it was a coincidence that you and that other poster had such similar parallels in your lives but if you're wise you won't fall into the same habit of chronic complaining and venting on the forum the way he did.
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I do not receive a stipend. It's stated at 1%, but I never took it and it goes to the home expenses. I manage the trust and her funds/taxes/investments at no expense to her nor the trust.
Spoke to a lawyer and I was told I have to find a replacement, however, there fee, which was higher would make the trust negative each month. Therefore, it would be depleted and mom would not have money to live. I also worry about her getting older, so I want to have enough funds in the account to cover a nurse; should she need it. I am trying to find a way out of it though. I am searching and speaking to others. My accountant said she will consider taking it over.
I read some similar posts, so i get what you are saying. I was born with my aliments, so I'm used to modifying my life in order to get what needs to be done, done.
Yes, I can dissolve the trust, but the funds would go to my mother. She'd be broke pretty fast.
She’s going to be broke eventually anyway if she doesn’t change her ways, and it doesn’t sound like she plans to. So let her go broke. Maybe it will give your younger brother a swifter kick up the behind to get himself into work.
Ohh, birdie birdie, birdie.. I would hope I know my than my mom and my brother, as this is what I do for a living. Since my parents were near bankrupt and they asked me to help them, that I why I did so. For years I wouldn't get involved as money and family do not mix. However, what would had been even worse is if my parents lost everything because I refused to help. So, yes, I guess I am a bad guy in your eyes.
You wish I just have a finely tuned BS meter.
Why would I think you're a bad guy? You're trying to help, yes, but you're also contributing to the dysfunction, in your own smug and condescending way, and it obviously gives you great (secret) satisfaction to be the Smart and Successful One in the bunch.
You'd have an actual question here, though, if you could see the real problem. So figure out what YOU really want from this scenario, and work toward that.
Why would I think you're a bad guy? You're trying to help, yes, but you're also contributing to the dysfunction, in your own smug and condescending way, and it obviously gives you great (secret) satisfaction to be the Smart and Successful One in the bunch.
You'd have an actual question here, though, if you could see the real problem. So figure out what YOU really want from this scenario, and work toward that.
Maybe your BS meter is off?
The OP is being emotionally abused by his mother.
It's obvious he cares about her and his brother to continue being the trustee & not let her seep into financial ruin.
He came here seeking advice not judgement.
Maybe your BS meter is off?
The OP is being emotionally abused by his mother.
It's obvious he cares about her and his brother to continue being the trustee & not let her seep into financial ruin.
He came here seeking advice not judgement.
I agree with this
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I just have a finely tuned BS meter.
