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Since I wasn't present to hear the tones of the voices, the circumstances of the comments, and I don't know anything about their backgrounds, it's hard to say what they meant.
Were their jokes inappropriate? Definitely. Did they mean them to be hostile or insulting? I doubt it. I'd guess they were uncomfortable or felt awkward, and didn't know how to act. I also guess they were trying to make him feel part of the group, but they went about it in the way that someone who is not used to being around other races would do it.
If it were me (depending on what I think about these people), I'd tell them at our next gathering just what you said in your post. No need to insult them. Say you know they were trying to be inclusive, and no comments bothered your boyfriend, but you were a bit uncomfortable about his race coming into the conversation or jokes repeatedly. So ask them to try not to do that. Emphasize that you know they weren't being mean or insulting. But just as a favor to you, would they mind not doing that?
If you thought they were deep down racists, you wouldn't have brought your bf in the first place, right? So I'd just go at the situation the way I said.
Your bf sounds like a good guy. He's more used to this sort of thing than you are, I guess.
I’m finding it hard to have much sympathy, sorry you have chosen to hang out with these people and then you complain. What is it you want people to say?
Exactly. First off IDK even know anyone from 40 years ago other than relatives. With the exception being one friend, but certainly not a group of people like this.
Second, why does the OP who has posted before continue with these people? JMO, I think she is one of those who enjoys drama.
OP, lighten up and get a sense of humor, not go through life trying to find offense in everything.
America is now the "land of the perpetually offended".
It is exactly racism. It is behavior based upon a person's race.
Now racist acts aren't always born of evil intent. Sometimes they are born of ignorance.
The OP's friends have obviously not hung out much with black people, or they would be past saying those sorts of things. They are seeing him as "the black guy", not as MarshaBrady's boyfriend.
Yes, they should know better, but they don't. They are easing their discomfort at their own racism with trying very hard to show that they aren't racist. I think they mean well but don't understand how ridiculous they really sound.
It isn’t racism, just a sloppy stereotype with no ill intent or feelings of superiority.
Correct--and fueled by alcohol. If people are going to be with people who drink a lot, have to expect that inhibitions will be loosened and people will say stuff they normally wouldn't, just to have something to say which strikes them as funny while high/drunk.
Correct--and fueled by alcohol. If people are going to be with people who drink a lot, have to expect that inhibitions will be loosened and people will say stuff they normally wouldn't, just to have something to say which strikes them as funny while high/drunk.
It is not the SAYING of the words, it is the FEELING that predicated those words to be said. With or without alcohol, those feelings are there. That's the scary part. Same thing that the left has been saying all along about this president (someone else brought this up first, not me). Nothing to do with "boohoo crying like a baby because we lost", has to do with knowing true essence of the person (vomit emoji)
Don't expect new friends to be any better. Different possibly. Better, unlikely.
Aren't you the cheery one! It will probably take some patience on the OP's part, but sooner or later, I dont see why she wouldn't find a kindred spirit. No one said she'll find some perfect human being (in her eyes), but a better friend-match, sure, why not?
I live in Toronto and grew up in a very multi-racial environment. Basically many of us are minorities. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, race joking among friends were very common. It's likely a very common thing growing up in that era, and being comfortable among friends of that time. So you're friends are still stuck in that time and way of communicating with each other. It's like with my childhood friends, we still talk like "yo! That's messed! What? Getta outta here" but would not talk like that month newer acquaintances.
If it was a newer group of people, they'd be alot more cautious about it. Best thing you can do is disassociate with them in a friendly manner. After awhile, they'll get the hint. And at this age, really, people won't care and get accustomed to you not being around but also still friendly when they see you. You're not going to change them and they will see you as the one that's changed, which you have obviously and they haven't.
With or without alcohol, those feelings are there. That's the scary part.
What feelings, exactly?
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you have chosen to hang out with these people and then you complain. What is it you want people to say?
