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Maybe it's just me, but I kindof LIKE having familiar friendly stereotypes, and these are in fact friendly stereotypes and so are yours about diapers and cooking. It is NOT oppressive or sexist, IMHO, to assume mothers take care of children or cook most meals. And guess what? I don't do either one! I didn't have kids and I don't enjoy cooking. My hubby does. But we use these stereotypes to give the world a LITTLE tiny bit of predictability... It makes the world navigable and you're not going to eliminate the ones that are often TRUE just by declaring the concept politically incorrect.
It's a good thing to have societal and sub-societal norms and expectations! And it's a good thing even IF you are one who bucks those traditions, because that's ALSO part of what makes life and people interesting.
My two cents.
Believe it or not, I don't disagree with this to a point.
My friend's DIL is raising her grand(son) as gender neutral. For a split second, I thought "good for her"....but then as I was trying to talk about him/her, I was having to say things like "How is he/she doing? Is he/she enjoying kindergarten?" etc etc....or use (his) name in every single sentence to avoid saying him/her, he/she.
I realized what a burden this is on others, as well as the kid, and had to wonder if indeed it had the positive consequence that I am sure the mother was going for?
So asking my black hubby to dance at a party full of mostly white people, while innocent and joking, it comes from the same ingrained place: white = this, black = this, etc.
Yes, as has been explained this is a stereotype. When it is innocent and joking as you acknowledge, it is NOT racism. People have attempted to redefine the word over time, but the fundamental truth remains: a racist thinks they are inherently superior to another race.
Thinking another race is on average better at something: Dancing, sprinting, long distance running....is NOT racism no matter how much the woke scolds pretend it should be.
I posted a while back about how I am very different from my group of friends. As a reminder, here is the condensed version:
I have known them since childhood. When I realized in my late teens that they were not aligned with my path, I tried to gain other friendships, I moved twice also, and only a couple of the other friendships have "stuck". Flash forward 40 years, and here I am, still friends with this group.
They are not "bad" people per se, but fundamentally different than me on almost every single subject: They do not care about health, all they want to do is eat and drink, they have very one-sided and self-centered beliefs, politically different (except 2 of them), on and on and on.
There was a party on Saturday night. It was 5 of the 9 women, and spouses/boyfriends where applicable. We are 6 "white", 2 Latina, 1 Jewish (middle eastern descent). All spouses/boyfriends are white, except mine, who is black. This is pertinent, bare with me.
I don't recall who said what, and who laughed at what, but it matters not because no one spoke up either. They were initially playing some kind of random 1980's () middle-of-the-road music, and then someone put on I believe Run DMC. Someone said "(insert my hubby name) I put this one on for you". At another point in the conversation, dancing was mentioned, and someone said "hey (my hubby) you need to get us started" someone else" I'm not gonna dance next to the black guy as my moves are SO WHITE"....and these comments went on for another couple of minutes. There were a couple more such incidents throughout the evening, as well as in previous interactions. (FWIW, my hubby cannot dance, and listens to a wide variety of music)
I want to be very clear: My husband pays no attention whatsoever. It does not bother him.
I was CRINGING. As I have before, but on this night, I was not drinking, so maybe that brought it into more clarity.
It's not that I am offended, it's that what is truly in their hearts and minds if the first thing they pinpoint is someone's skin color when a certain song comes on, or that skin color = certain abilities? Definition of racism!
So my previous post was "am I stuck with my friends". Now, here I am again, trying to figure out how to get away from them. On the other hand, if I do, I will have no one. And also, how would explain a sudden disappearance, even if I suck it up and decide to be ok without friends?
UGH! Help!
What I really object to is the word "hubby."
Go find some other people based on your interests. Or start a new MeetUp group yourself.
I think you are reading too much into what your friends said. They have known you a long time, you have history, they were trying to be funny. Chalk it up to them feeling comfortable with you and your husband.
Having said that, it does sound like you have outgrown them a bit and may need people that are a little more cultured and educated and worldly? A sophisticated and worldly person would never say things like that. Don't hold that against your friends, they probably don't know any better.
I think you and your hubby should try to join museums or meetups and meet other people that are a little more....cultured.
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) middle-of-the-road music, and then someone put on I believe Run DMC. Someone said "(insert my hubby name) I put this one on for you". At another point in the conversation, dancing was mentioned, and someone said "hey (my hubby) you need to get us started" someone else" I'm not gonna dance next to the black guy as my moves are SO WHITE"....and these comments went on for another couple of minutes. There were a couple more such incidents throughout the evening, as well as in previous interactions. (FWIW, my hubby cannot dance, and listens to a wide variety of music)
