If people are abrupt, do you think it is maybe your fault? (conversation, college)
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I liked the replies but felt that my intention or question in the post was misunderstood. I was just seeing if other people thought that sometimes when we are rejected we feel like maybe the other person is right, we are boring or weird.
I strongly believe that the reason some people act cold and indifferent to others is that in their mind it gives them some power over the other person. The social person comes off as needy and the aloof and cold person in in a position of power. The aloof person is powerful because she is to important to deal with the silly person who attempts to engage them in conversation.
I dont necessarily feel at fault or like I'm the weird one when that happens. I had a group project in one of my college courses and no one in the group was talking to each other and we only had a few minutes to come up with a group answer. So i made a suggestion to get people talking. They all looked up at me, said nothing, and then expected me to answer for the group. So i didnt. Or I will ask if I seat is taken and they roll their eyes and stay silent. My first impression is that they lack social skills and are just plain rude. So its like "Hey f**k you buddy, I now no longer want to socialize with you either."
The only way that I would see it as your neighbor thinking you were boring, or weird, would be if you was running around naked or drunk or something. Then, I would be like..hhmmmmm that fella` is not all there, but I wouldn`t say what she said. I would throw up my hand, say hey, and then go inside.
I don`t see how you are thinking its a "power trip" or something, because she was rude. She`s probably just a lonely soul, who thinks its "cute" to be rude to other people.
I would say that she is the rude one.. No reason , no excuses not to just say a friendly hello and thats it.. I don't care what kind of a day you are having, why take it out on someone else.
I to have a neighbor the wife is real friendly and her husband does not give you the time of day. Not that I am looking for that. When I first moved here my husband said hello to him and spoke. Then as time went on I would wave to him and nada... One day I was walking my puppy and she went over to lick him he didn't even look at us.. HOW FREAKING RUDE IS THAT...
From that day forwarded I don't acknowledge him at all, I got the message loud and clear that he wants no part of anyone on the block so be it... I would suggest one more time to say hello and if she is rude again, don't bother. You can't make people talk to you. It's a shame how society is becoming.
all sorts of things could be going on with another person in their life, in their head, in their thoughts, that we know nothing about, and that have nothing to do with us. Most of the time it's not about us at all.
nobody is obliged to be courteous or friendly or responsive to anyone else
people can only upset us to the extent we let them. if i'm feeling hurt it is helpful for me to look at my expectations around how people "should" act or respond or behave.
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,695,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oregon Transplant
I strongly believe that the reason some people act cold and indifferent to others is that in their mind it gives them some power over the other person. The social person comes off as needy and the aloof and cold person in in a position of power. The aloof person is powerful because she is to important to deal with the silly person who attempts to engage them in conversation.
I don't know about that. I think most of the time people who act cold and aloof are probably just socially anxious types lacking social skills, or they might have something on their minds, or may be having a bad day. You never know. If it's consistent, maybe they just don't like you. And so what if they don't? The world goes on.
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,695,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erma
I don't think being anti-social is putting you in your place, unless you gave her that attitude. If she is generally unfriendly, she is generally unfriendly. Probably hurt or disappointed from something in her past, not to be friendly with neighbors in general or men/women in particular. Could be you remind her of someone. I would say, that anyone that puts anyone else "in their place," is due to an attitude that the person gave them to put them in their place. Now, what did you do to the girl in college that she put you in your place?
Yeah, somebody saying "no" to wanting to dance isn't putting you in your place. She's just saying she doesn't want to dance with you. I don't see what one has to do with the other.
If all you did was offer a friendly greeting, then her reaction was just plain rude. Regardless of what her history is or how she's feeling at the present time, it's just plain rude to respond in such a manner or, in the case of others' accounts, to not respond at all.
Yeah, somebody saying "no" to wanting to dance isn't putting you in your place. She's just saying she doesn't want to dance with you. I don't see what one has to do with the other.
Wow, no, telling you no to a request is not putting you in your place.
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,695,235 times
Reputation: 1974
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erma
Wow, no, telling you no to a request is not putting you in your place.
I couldn't tell if you were being serious or sarcastic here. I don't think it is... it depends on how she said it, I guess. I mostly think the OP is a little overly sensitive, frankly, judging from some of his statements. There are mean, rude people in the world, and then sometimes people are just having bad days and we read into their behavior things that aren't there. None of us are six anymore. Deal, I say.
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that fella` is not all there, but I wouldn`t say what she said. I would throw up my hand, say hey, and then go inside.
