If people are abrupt, do you think it is maybe your fault? (personality, neighbors)

[TCMlover]

I'm wondering why you're more upset by your bitchy neighbor than your wifes comment. Your wifes response is classic passive aggressive. As fas as your neighbor people IMHO have gotten a lot ruder and nasty in the last 20 years or so, just look at TV for example. On my block some of the neighbors are extremely friendly while others will look at you like your from Mars if you say hello.

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by mrstewart

Maybe you should go back over there and ask, in the sweetest tone you can muster, ask her if she is ok since she scurried off earlier. Just tell her you were worried about her response as she is usually such a kind neighbor.

Seriously, I would. This opens up the lines of communication, keeps things neighborly and you are letting her know her rudeness did go unnoticed.

I meant to say "and you are letting her know her rudeness did NOTgo unnoticed" Sorry.

Did you talk to your wife about her comment? That was rather snide.

[Oregon Transplant]

Originally Posted by mrstewart

I meant to say "and you are letting her know her rudeness did NOTgo unnoticed" Sorry.

Did you talk to your wife about her comment? That was rather snide.

Yes I asked my wife what she was getting at. She said by approaching the next door neighbor in such a friendly way without knowing how the neighbor would respond, I was opening my self up for rejection. She said that when the neighbor gave a negative toned reply, my body language went into a inferior poise. Then I tried to recover by saying something else and came off even more desparate appearing. By the end of the short interaction, I was that 18 year old boy being shot down for a dance all over again. My wife just saw the whole interaction and noticed the neighbor gained an upper hand by her coldness. My wife meant no harm, she just told me what she saw.

I have seen the neighbor since and ignored her.

[lola8822]

Originally Posted by DaBeez

You ask "If people are abrupt do you think its your fault". I say absolutely not.

I never blame myself for someone else's behavior. You neighbor was just being a bit*h. Dont blame yourself for that.

I totally agre.......I would not feel "put in my place" or responsible at all.....I'd feel sorry for her that she obviously lives a sad, pesimistic life.....but other than that I wouldn't even give it a second though.....

[Hobokenkitchen]

Originally Posted by Oregon Transplant

Yes I asked my wife what she was getting at. She said by approaching the next door neighbor in such a friendly way without knowing how the neighbor would respond, I was opening my self up for rejection. She said that when the neighbor gave a negative toned reply, my body language went into a inferior poise. Then I tried to recover by saying something else and came off even more desparate appearing. By the end of the short interaction, I was that 18 year old boy being shot down for a dance all over again. My wife just saw the whole interaction and noticed the neighbor gained an upper hand by her coldness. My wife meant no harm, she just told me what she saw.

I have seen the neighbor since and ignored her.

I can see why you would feel this way. We lived in a condo building once where the board president would refuse to speak to anyone in the hallways. MY DH would just ignore her too, but I would always say hello, and then when she didn't respond, I would say it again; a bit louder.
Honestly, I felt like it made HER look like the a**h*le.

You should practice how to deal with situations like that. Seriously. I would just straighten your shoulders and say something with a smile like
"and good afternoon to you too!" or something whilst walking away. Be nice, but address it.

Me yelling hello at the woman who wouldn't respond didn't really get me anywhere (except to ensure that she liked me even less ), but it did leave me feeling like she was the one with the problem, not me.

I have had the feeling you had though - the burning rejection! You just need to know how to deal with it so that you don't get that inferior pose going. Stand tall and laugh when someone behaves like that. How rude of her!

[Sundance]

The unfriendly next door neighbor showed she had power. By rejecting me, she showed who was boss. In our strange society, the person who rejects the social engagement or offer seems to have the upper hand. It reminded me of when I was in College and went up to a girl at a bar and asked her to dance and when she said no, my friends said, "Boy, she put you in your place didn't she?" I was shot down by the neighbor just like the girl back at the college bar 25 years ago.

Power? The only power she has is what you give her. And how was she "rejecting" you? It was a simple greeting....not a proposal of marriage.

I wouldn't have given her reaction a second thought....why take it so personally?

I would hate for my self-esteem depend on what some random person said or did....that's scary.

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by Oregon Transplant

Yes I asked my wife what she was getting at. She said by approaching the next door neighbor in such a friendly way without knowing how the neighbor would respond, I was opening my self up for rejection. She said that when the neighbor gave a negative toned reply, my body language went into a inferior poise. Then I tried to recover by saying something else and came off even more desparate appearing. By the end of the short interaction, I was that 18 year old boy being shot down for a dance all over again. My wife just saw the whole interaction and noticed the neighbor gained an upper hand by her coldness. My wife meant no harm, she just told me what she saw.

I have seen the neighbor since and ignored her.

This is sad. That is your neighborhood and you have the right to live there comfortably. I would wave, smile, say hello everytime you see her! Hell, even give her a kiss if need be, but do not shrivel up.

What can she say ?"I really hate that Oregon Transplant...he always meets meets me with a warm welcome and a smile. That really ticks me off".

Do not give her a reason to think you are rude. Let that be her burden to bear.

[*Danielle*]

I say hello to all my neighbors...some are kind and friendly and others are very unfriendly...I definitly don't take their unfriendliness or negativity as rejection. Their loss...not mine.

[artsyguy]

I'm a hot guy and I've been rejected at bars or dance clubs before, I've seen both ugly and cute people be anti-social and rude, nothing new.

Your neighbor is rude. Don't let your wife's comment get to you. She clearly rubbed it in.

[cpg35223]

I'd set off a car bomb in front of her house. That would teach her to not be rude.