If people are abrupt, do you think it is maybe your fault? (kiss, house)
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I was walking down the street and saw my next door neighbor (who I do not know to well) standing in her yard with a water hose. I called out her name and said. "hello, how are you doing." Her reply was bored and indifferent. Then she rushed into her home while saying, "I do not have time to talk to you."
Then a few things happened:
My wife, who was standing nearby said, "she really put you in your place didn't she"
The unfriendly next door neighbor showed she had power. By rejecting me, she showed who was boss. In our strange society, the person who rejects the social engagement or offer seems to have the upper hand. It reminded me of when I was in College and went up to a girl at a bar and asked her to dance and when she said no, my friends said, "Boy, she put you in your place didn't she?" I was shot down by the neighbor just like the girl back at the college bar 25 years ago.
And to think I only wanted to be friendly and say hello! No dance was expected!
No. It just tells me that they were probably raised by wolves.
It takes the same amount to say, "I'm sorry. I don't have time to talk right now." But it comes off much more nicely.
I've pretty much found that people who think that it takes too much energy or time to be nice aren't people you want to be around in the first place.
Maybe you should go back over there and ask, in the sweetest tone you can muster, ask her if she is ok since she scurried off earlier. Just tell her you were worried about her response as she is usually such a kind neighbor.
Seriously, I would. This opens up the lines of communication, keeps things neighborly and you are letting her know her rudeness did go unnoticed.
That was a weird comment for your wife to make. It's very passive-agressive. Why would your wife say something like that? It was a very undermining comment to make. The neighbor may have been a little rude but your wife's comment is very odd. She made the encounter a personal putdown of you with that comment. I don't think the neighbor made you feel rejected, I think your wife did that all by herself.
Last edited by laysayfair; 08-17-2008 at 02:03 PM..
Reason: typo
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laysayfair
That was a weird comment for your wife to make. It's very passive-agressive. Why would your wife say something like that? It was a very undermining comment to make. The neighbor may have been a little rude but your wife's comment is very odd. She made the encounter a personal putdown of you with that comment. I don't think the neighbor made you feel rejected, I think your wife did that all by herself.
Ah, that is so. And it's the exact same comment his buddies made about the girl who wouldn't dance with him back during college! Hmm... interesting.
That was a weird comment for your wife to make. It's very passive-agressive. Why would your wife say something like that? It was a very undermining comment to make.
I absolutely agree. I'd worry less about the neighbor and more about your wife's comment. Is your wife normally this rude?
I liked the replies but felt that my intention or question in the post was misunderstood. I was just seeing if other people thought that sometimes when we are rejected we feel like maybe the other person is right, we are boring or weird.
I strongly believe that the reason some people act cold and indifferent to others is that in their mind it gives them some power over the other person. The social person comes off as needy and the aloof and cold person in in a position of power. The aloof person is powerful because she is to important to deal with the silly person who attempts to engage them in conversation.
I am sure that it is possible that some people may act cold or not respond for this reason. However, I think the majority of the time people are simply preoccupied, grumpy or just anti-social!
As far as your neighbor that you said you don't really know...well clearly she is anti-social. Oh well...it has nothing to do with you!
Social, friendly people really don't understand unsocial, unhappy people! Besides why would you want to try!
So why bother, let alone worry about it or try to analyse it! C'est la vie! No worries!
Here's a good rule of thumb. When a person feels that the respectful treatment of others is conditional or optional, then that's a person you really want to avoid. And if you think that way, you should really re-evaluate your approach to life.
Here's a good rule of thumb. When a person feels that the respectful treatment of others is conditional or optional, then that's a person you really want to avoid. And if you think that way, you should really re-evaluate your approach to life.
What do you mean? Of course it's conditional! Do you treat respectfully somebody who doesn't respect you...?
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I am sure that it is possible that some people may act cold or not respond for this reason. However, I think the majority of the time people are simply preoccupied, grumpy or just anti-social! 
