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I was walking down the street and saw my next door neighbor (who I do not know to well) standing in her yard with a water hose. I called out her name and said. "hello, how are you doing." Her reply was bored and indifferent. Then she rushed into her home while saying, "I do not have time to talk to you."
Then a few things happened:
My wife, who was standing nearby said, "she really put you in your place didn't she"
The unfriendly next door neighbor showed she had power. By rejecting me, she showed who was boss. In our strange society, the person who rejects the social engagement or offer seems to have the upper hand. It reminded me of when I was in College and went up to a girl at a bar and asked her to dance and when she said no, my friends said, "Boy, she put you in your place didn't she?" I was shot down by the neighbor just like the girl back at the college bar 25 years ago.
And to think I only wanted to be friendly and say hello! No dance was expected!
I don't think being anti-social is putting you in your place, unless you gave her that attitude. If she is generally unfriendly, she is generally unfriendly. Probably hurt or disappointed from something in her past, not to be friendly with neighbors in general or men/women in particular. Could be you remind her of someone. I would say, that anyone that puts anyone else "in their place," is due to an attitude that the person gave them to put them in their place. Now, what did you do to the girl in college that she put you in your place?
Just going by the theme of you posts....You seem to want everyone to jump in your lap full of puppy love.
For god's sake...who cares if you dont know her that well. For all you know she may have had something on the stove or just think you look like a wierdo. Some wives DONT like it when men are friendly with other women. Even if its nothing. Maybe she didnt want to deal with wifey glares and stirred up drama?
Or she has had p.i.t.a. neighbors that start out with a hello and months into they are trying to explain why they broke your weedwacker and havent paid you back the money they borrowed and are really sorry for killing your tree with dog pee etc.
Neighbors that are all up in your face all the time are annoying.
All you can do is control yourself. Other people's reactions are their problems. If I get a rude cashier or something I try to says, "you must be having a bad day, or a busy day" Usually they say they are sorry and tell me it was the last person or something. Sort of sad that people are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they can't enjoy the moment.
I liked the replies but felt that my intention or question in the post was misunderstood. I was just seeing if other people thought that sometimes when we are rejected we feel like maybe the other person is right, we are boring or weird.
I strongly believe that the reason some people act cold and indifferent to others is that in their mind it gives them some power over the other person. The social person comes off as needy and the aloof and cold person in in a position of power. The aloof person is powerful because she is to important to deal with the silly person who attempts to engage them in conversation.
I'm not sure that I would connect this situation with "putting you in your place" and honestly don't understand why your wife saw it that way either unless there is some underlying history there which we are not aware of.
Personally, I think neighbors are just not as friendly as they used to be. In some area's sure you still get lucky and you have that. However, I find that most people are either too busy or not interested enough in getting to know their neighbors. In this case, she may have no interest in getting to know her neighbors and stand there having X amount of chit chat time. She may also have just been really busy that day, trying to get everything she needed to get done, done and didn't want to get sidetracked. Or maybe she simply was going through a bad day and didn't want to be bothered.
Other possibilities is if she is married, who know's how her husband is. Perhaps the jealous type who wouldn't take kindly to her standing around talking to the male neighbor. Or maybe she worried that your wife is the jealous type and wouldn't take kindly to her friendly interaction with you. And if she is single, perhaps she could just be thinking she doesn't need to be striking up a friendly conversation with her married male neighbor.
Anything is possible these days, I just wouldn't take it so personal and I definately wouldn't take it as "being put in your place" unless of course you did something to merit that being the case.
When actively trying to persue a relationship, it is often the person to cares the least that has the most power. The silent treatment can be more powerful than a screaming banshee.
Last edited by ElizaTeal; 08-17-2008 at 08:42 AM..
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