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He used to take piano, guitar and drum lessons. He is very talented and found the lessons boring. He now teaches himself songs by listening to the radio. He was also in a band with his friends and even cut a demo and played a few local shows, but the band keeps losing members.
He sounds like my friends son. It sounds like he needs to find other musicians who are as passionate/as good as he is, ones that don't quit! A lot of times music stores or studios will have a place where musicians can post ads regarding looking for other musicians. He might want to try that. It sounds like he is extremely naturally talented.
I agree that encouraging his talents and interests is a great thing. Help him to see where success in school will help him be successful in the areas that do interest him (scholarships etc). This is sometimes really difficult for teens to see.
He sounds like my friends son. It sounds like he needs to find other musicians who are as passionate/as good as he is, ones that don't quit! A lot of times music stores or studios will have a place where musicians can post ads regarding looking for other musicians. He might want to try that. It sounds like he is extremely naturally talented.
I posted earlier upthread that there are also a lot of colleges geared towards musicians and/or the music business in general.
It may help him become motivated if he has a goal to get into one of these institutions. The chances of having a long term career in a band are very small. But there's nothing wrong with pursuing that while studying/interning somewhere that focuses on other jobs in the business, just in case the rock star thing doesn't work out. (That's not to say it never does. But you can't count on it .)
I think requiring a 16 year old boy be home for 6 o'clock supper is unreasonable. Maybe if it is a special dinner with company but not on a regular basis. let him know when dinner will be served and if he is there he is welcome to join you but if he isn't then his dinner will be covered up in the fridge. So he was at his girl friends house? Big deal. he could have been in a drug den or something.
When my kids were 16 they had all sorts of after school activities which kept them out till about 7 about 3 nights a week. When they got home, they fixed thier own supper and headed to the books.
Give him some latitude. If he can keep his grades up, doesn't get in trouble, let him learn to exercise some discipline in his time management.
So yes,I think you are WAY over reacting. Sounds very controlling to me.
Also the idea to make sure there are no leftovers for him is unreal. Why would you throw away perfectly good food when you have a growing boy in your home.
I think that cooking for 4, and discovering after supper is served, that only 3 will be eating, is unreasonable. There's a thing called "courtesy." The kid should've had enough of that, that he could call his mom and say "mom - I won't be home for supper tonight..could you either keep my stuff warm for when I come home, or just go ahead and plan supper for only three?" was all it takes.
I agree that throwing away the food is pointless, it doesn't teach anyone a lesson and it's wasteful. But the kid should've called. The fact that this is the first time he's forgotten to come home for supper tells me that he is -usually- courteous/thoughtful and that he just made a mistake. Giving him a consequence will help ensure that it remains a mistake, and doesn't turn into a bad habit.
Making him eat his supper cold and instructed that he'll be eating alone, AND since he's the last one away from the supper table therefore he's the one who has to clean the kitchen - is an appropriate consequence.
That's how we did it at our house - mom would have us wait 10 minutes. If we weren't all together within 10 minutes of the time she said supper would be ready, the family would start eating without whoever was missing. And whoever showed up last - had to clean the kitchen after supper.
We were rarely late to supper, as a result, and split the cleanup chores so none of us got stuck doing it all ourselves.
I think grounding him and taken away his ipod is justified. However I would personally never punish a child by not letting him eat dinner. I think it's cruel. I'm not saying you are cruel but I myself find it cruel to deny food. You went overboard with that one.
I think grounding him and taken away his ipod is justified. However I would personally never punish a child by not letting him eat dinner. I think it's cruel. I'm not saying you are cruel but I myself find it cruel to deny food. You went overboard with that one.
He had pizza. She didn't throw him in a dungeon and refuse to give him any food. He did not have the dinner the mom prepared. Throwing it away was wasteful but that was up to her.
This thread just sounds eerily familiar to me, especially with regard to prepaid lunch money.
Last edited by cleasach; 11-16-2010 at 09:26 AM..
Reason: what else? spelling....
He had pizza. She didn't throw him in a dungeon and refuse to give him any food. He did not have the dinner the mom prepared. Throwing it away was wasteful but that was up to her.
This thread just sounds eerily familiar to me, especially with regard to prepaid lunch money.
I too am having a creepy feeling of deja vu ..... something about the whole tone.
Ok. It seems no matter how I try to clarify, things still get misconstrued.
He knew he had to be home for 6. He knows that if he is not home on time, that punishment is grounding. I said until further notice because I was mad and wanted to think about what a reasonable amount would be before I gave out a time. He is usually home on time. This time he decided that he did not want to walk back home and just waited until I went to go find him. He does not have a cell phone, just ipod touch and the gf house doesn't have wifi. I don't know the gf phone number, which I why I drove over there. If he had called and said he was on his way, then that is fine. He has done that before.
The drug and grade issue is why I want him home at a certain time. I can't force him to do his homework. He is 16. I cannot tie him in a chair with a pencil in his hand and make him do it. The consequences of him not doing his work is failing a class and doing summer school or staying back. He knows this.
It sounds like he's waited before for you to come and pick him up. You need to have his gf's phone number. You had no way of contacting him, and he knew that. The drug and grade issue is why I would'nt even let him stay out until 6 p.m.
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