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Hopes, I would go with option two. I wouldn't wait for him to call.
I think you're right that option two is best. I have a gut feeling that he won't answer if I call. If I can't reach him, I'll write him a letter and ask his girlfriend's mother to give it to him.
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Originally Posted by jkcoop
Sorry that happened. It's disappointing for sure. Sometimes people need to just hit the worst rock bottom before making a turn around....
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Sorry that happened Hopes. You are probably the best thing that has happened in that kid's life. But he's responsible for himself and he blew it.
Whenever he does hit rick bottom and wants to make a turn around, I don't think I'll trust him to help him again. How could I truly know he was finally serious? I think some people have imprinted character flaws that can't be changed.
My husband reminded me that his mother complained to us four years ago that he was stealing money from her and her husband at home. He was probably 14 then. I didnt' read too much into that because many children lift a few dollars from their parents wallets at least once. Then again, my children always told me they were taking money, they never just took it without asking.
I also remember he lost a job a year or two ago because the employer accused him of stealing. Of course, he denied it.
I also remember his father telling me this summer that he will do anything to get what he wants----if he can't get it from one person, he'll go to the next person. Now it's clear that he will steal if he can't get what he wants from people.
Just a few weeks ago, his employer quit giving him hours. He wasn't outright fired, they just didn't put him on the schedule. Turns out, they cut his hours because he wasn't shaving. So, I asked him if he could go back and apologize to get more hours and promise to be always well groomed. Guess what he said to me? "I don't think they would trust me."
There's definitely a pattern of a serious character here. Whatever, who cares. His character flaw is his problem, not mine. I'm done and I'm fairly certain I am done forever because I dont' think I would ever trust him.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I'd keep an eye on my stuff and my doors locked.
Yep! The good thing is that someone will always home for the next six months because hubby is home recovering from his surgery I'm going to get copies made of the house key for the family this afternoon. We never lock our doors unless we are sleeping. I think it's certainly time to start locking them during the day when we aren't home.
Hopes, you did a wonderful thing by trying to help him. But, yes, I'd definitely lock the doors and restrict who gets a key.
That kid could have issues (like drugs or just a screw loose) that you know nothing about. Your family is your #1 priority. My guess is he'll wander from place to place trying very hard to not have to work and support himslef.
Update about the 'homeless' teen I was helping earlier and decided he wasn't ready for my help. Remember, he stole from my son last fall and my son refused to even talk to him. That's the reason I wouldn't let him move in and chose to help him in other ways.
Everytime I would see him, he'd go on and on about how terrible he felt about what he did to my son, how he is ashamed he wasn't a good friend, and how much he missed my son. Well, at the beginning of January, my son heard me on the phone with him and said, "Tell him to come over." My son was ready to give him another chance. He was here two or three times at the beginning of the month, only for a few hours each time because I kept taking him 'home' to where he's staying because I didn't want him sleeping over (for fear he might assume he was staying here and never leave).
Yesterday, he came over to visit my son while I was away at class. HE STOLE FROM MY SON AGAIN! He was only here for 1-1/2 hours. My son went to the bathroom. When he came out of the bathroom, this teen darted quickly out of his room to stand in the hallway (there's nothing to do in our hallway) and looked really uncomfortable. He came back into the room, and my son noticed right away that he had stolen some money from him. (My son purposely left some out on his desk and made a mental note of the placement prior to going to the bathroom.)
How stupid can this teen be? Anyways, I'm done with him. The first time, I continued to help him. But to steal again?!?!? Totally unacceptable. His bridge is burned here. I'm just trying to figure out how I want to let him know he burned that bridge. I'm leaning towards waiting until he calls me in a couple of weeks, and then just saying "Nope. You stole again. I'm done with you." But I'm afraid that he might forget what he did by that time.
Maybe it would be best if I just formally informed him that he is no longer welcome at our house and I will call the police if he shows up here. I have a fear that he might come to steal when nobody is home. I have no reason to suspect that, but if he's stealing, he's stealing and his stealing might progress. I could see theifs going where they feel most comfortable to burgler a place when they first start doing that.
You need to change your locks.
And yes, I would call the police. I'd actually call the police to file a complaint against the stolen $$. Does he have a warrant out for anything? He may. A call to the police may be the best thing for him.
If this boy is on drugs or wants $$, he will get into your home.
Not trying to scare you & you probably know, but I would be on high alert.
It's a shame to have to live in fear & sometimes not necessary, but this boy knows your home & you inside & out.
You don't know his mental state.
Not a good situation. Hope it resolves peacefully.
Sorry to hear that Hopes.
I wish I lived near you, you seem like the kind of person I need around.
Just an update for you guys: I hate my life.
For different reasons now,
I feel VERY hopeless. The point of me taking on so much work was to be able to afford moving out of my mom's house with some roommates. I can't even do that, I did a guesstimate budget and I would be scraping by every month and that's not worth it and its stupid to put myself in that situation, I am WAY to young for financial ruin, that's for 50 year old Muffy and Chet who don't know how to budget the inheritance money and end up MC Hammer broke...not for me thank you.
I literally cry at work everyday, l spent like 30 minutes talking to two of my managers and crying in the office because I feel so overwhelmed, and my manager doesn't mind me breaking down on a daily basis, she always like gives me pep talks and tells me I can do it, they know that I feel so ugh right now.
I feel like such a failure and I am running my self into the ground and I am anxious and miserable and just lack the motivation to do anything at all. I feel like I should be able to support myself by now and should have some degree of success and should be better off and I'm not I feel hopeless and miserable.
Even my mom is wondering what the hell is wrong. I come home everyday, my eyes are red from crying, I am just miserable and depressed and she doesn't even know the half of it.
My car is acting up and I'll NEED to rent a car if it needs to be fixed, I am taking it to get looked at today.
I feel overloaded and I just want things to settle down.
I don't need to change my locks. He never had a key. We never locked out doors. Nobody has a key. Not even us! LOL
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Originally Posted by 121804
....but this boy knows your home & you inside & out.
That's a good thing. He knows someone is always home. He also knows that someone is almost always awake too. We don't keep a traditional schedule like most households. I will still get keys made. We will still start locking the door when we aren't home or when everyone is sleeping.
I whip them out quickly and get perfect scores too. When I was taking english, I didn't even read the texts. I simply opened the book and found quotes that fit what I wanted to say. These days I do it differently. I decide what I want to write about. I quickly scan various texts, reports, and articles---at the same time grabbing quotes that fit what I want to say. As I collect the quotes, I type them out in a document (just a page with quotes) perfectly formatted and I immediately add the information to the citation page. In essence, my quotes are formated and my citation page is completed a few weeks before I even start writing. When I sit down to write, I simply pull the quotes in at appropriate areas of the text while I write and I'm done in mere hours.
I foresee having my own computer and the ability to internet research journals and abstracts through my college library system is going to make this a much different way of writing a term paper from when I went to college the first time!
Sorry to hear that Hopes.
I wish I lived near you, you seem like the kind of person I need around.
Just an update for you guys: I hate my life.
For different reasons now,
I feel VERY hopeless. The point of me taking on so much work was to be able to afford moving out of my mom's house with some roommates. I can't even do that, I did a guesstimate budget and I would be scraping by every month and that's not worth it and its stupid to put myself in that situation, I am WAY to young for financial ruin, that's for 50 year old Muffy and Chet who don't know how to budget the inheritance money and end up MC Hammer broke...not for me thank you.
I literally cry at work everyday, l spent like 30 minutes talking to two of my managers and crying in the office because I feel so overwhelmed, and my manager doesn't mind me breaking down on a daily basis, she always like gives me pep talks and tells me I can do it, they know that I feel so ugh right now.
I feel like such a failure and I am running my self into the ground and I am anxious and miserable and just lack the motivation to do anything at all. I feel like I should be able to support myself by now and should have some degree of success and should be better off and I'm not I feel hopeless and miserable.
Even my mom is wondering what the hell is wrong. I come home everyday, my eyes are red from crying, I am just miserable and depressed and she doesn't even know the half of it.
My car is acting up and I'll NEED to rent a car if it needs to be fixed, I am taking it to get looked at today.
I feel overloaded and I just want things to settle down.
Sorry to hear you're feeling down in the dumps.
Thank goodness you will have medical insurance soon. You know, antidepressants aren't very expensive. You could pay for them outright without it being a huge expense.
If you don't think you'll be able to afford being out on your own while you work two jobs, perhaps you should give notice at BB&B and just work the fulltime job.
That way you can focus on school so you can actually get somewhere in life.
Stop crying to your managers. Employers don't like people who bring their personal lives to work. You'll risk your job and be in a worse situation.
Is your boyfriend achieving any success or working towards his financial future? You really should make sure you only date men who are going somewhere in life.
Chin up. Remind yourself that most 21 year olds can't support themselves. And focus on establishing a future for yourself by working hard and studying.
HOPES, I'm sorry about that. It sucks when you do something nice for someone and they stab you in the back.
txt, you sound like you have depression. Seriously. you should see a doctor about it and figure out what you need to do in your life to be happy. Maybe you don't need a 4-year degree right now. Maybe you need to go to trade school for a few months so you can get a decent-paying job and support yourself. Where do you want to be 5 years from now?
Oh and I am back on lexapro, hopefully that works and calms me down.
I am going to see a doctor and see if I can get a prescipt for valium to keep my ass calm because I can't keep have anxiety attacks, I have one once a day or more, my chest gets tight I can't breathe and it just sucks. And yes I rather sedate myself with medication and go through my day like that than on edge and breaking down, at least I can function medicated.
I foresee having my own computer and the ability to internet research journals and abstracts through my college library system is going to make this a much different way of writing a term paper from when I went to college the first time!
You'll love it! It's much easier these days!
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