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However painful it is to watch ones child being picked on at school, the greatest gift you can give them are the tools to ignore it, or fight back. For those who say this does not exist in adult life, I'd love to know what nirvana you live in, because everywhere that I have lived, even here on this site, there are bullies galore.
My point is that a child, 6, 10, even teenagers who are dealing with puberty, growing up and all the issues that go along with that time in their life, don't need some kid at school picking on them, taunting them, or physically assaulting them. My first post to the OP was about focusing on building her daughter's self-esteem, that's what I believe works. You can't tell a child who is the 'nice kid' to all of a sudden turn around and start bullying the bully back. It is usually not in their nature to become a bully from one day to the next.
This is a serious problem that cause kids to take their lives, kids in elementary school,even. It's really, really sad. It's not as simple as 'tell your child to toughen up'.
Real life is not nirvana. Yes, there are jerks in the workplace, etc. But when you're an adult, you have enough knowledge and life experience to recognize the 'bullies' for what they are. But IN REAL LIFE, if someone is stalking you or tries to physically assault you, what do you do? You call the police to PROTECT you. Unless you're a black belt in karate and are brave enough to take matters into your own hands.
If anything, I think it sends the wrong message that it is OK to run from your problems and there is no need to learn how to handle conflict.
I think it would send the message that at least one adult in their lives has their back, and cares enough to not send them to a place where they're harassed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT
You know what name calling, gossip and rumors are called in the real world? Life. Learn to deal with it.
In school, a child is trapped at that school, in those classrooms, with NO power to leave. That is NOT true in life outside of school. I temped in an office where the other employees were gossipy and cliquish. I didn't take the job. I have every right to control my environment as an adult; kids don't experience that same right. An adult in power needs to do it for them - not insist the child change to fit into harmful surroundings.
I am sickened at the "toughen 'em up" rhetoric being thrown around in this thread. Real life is nothing like school. If it is for you, that might tell you more about your own maturity level than anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by larachris
My point is that a child, 6, 10, even teenagers who are dealing with puberty, growing up and all the issues that go along with that time in their life, don't need some kid at school picking on them, taunting them, or physically assaulting them. My first post to the OP was about focusing on building her daughter's self-esteem, that's what I believe works. You can't tell a child who is the 'nice kid' to all of a sudden turn around and start bullying the bully back. It is usually not in their nature to become a bully from one day to the next.
This is a serious problem that cause kids to take their lives, kids in elementary school,even. It's really, really sad. It's not as simple as 'tell your child to toughen up'.
Real life is not nirvana. Yes, there are jerks in the workplace, etc. But when you're an adult, you have enough knowledge and life experience to recognize the 'bullies' for what they are. But IN REAL LIFE, if someone is stalking you or tries to physically assault you, what do you do? You call the police to PROTECT you. Unless you're a black belt in karate and are brave enough to take matters into your own hands.
I just wanted to quote this because it was quite excellent. Great points.
Bullying is bullying no matter what age you are. The best thing a person can do is to remove oneself or a child from the bully situation because it will never get better. Most child bullies become adult bullies. To make a child tough it out is down right cruel and stupid. It won't supposively make the child tougher. It's stupid to think that there is a lesson for that person who is being bullied can learn out of this....there is no lesson. People need to realize that these kids turn out to be abusive adult bullies.
My DD12 is in middle school. She's a very sweet girl and very sensitive. She likes to be peaceful, does not like conflict of any kind at all.
Of course, the "mean girls" have picked up on this and are picking on her ---- either by talking about her (so she can hear it) or saying things to her or teasing her. She was crying last weekend about it and told me she doesn't want to go to school on Monday. It happened again today (the crying about going back to school on Monday).
I told her she has to go to school and to ignore the "mean girls" and just hang around the good friends she has. Easier said than done. I mean, seriously, how can you ignore someone talking about you and intentionallyl saying it loud enough for you to hear???
I also told her that, sometimes, if you confront the "mean girls", they will stop. For example, "MaryJane, why do you talk about me and say things that aren't true. Are you trying to make me look bad?" Of course, my DD won't do that since she doesn't like confrontation or conflict.
I'm just so sad for her and feel horrible that she has to go through this (to the point where I want to cry about it).
We've watched the movie "Mean Girls" so many times, we've discussed bullying, etc but nothing is getting through to her and she's allowing these girls to make her life miserale.
Any advice or ideas would be great.
Thanks!!!!!
You should arrange a conference with her principal and guidance counselor.
The result should be the principal and/or counselors informing the parents of the bullies what their nasty kids are doing.
Do not allow your daughter to be taken advantage of by those girls.
A child does need to learn how to deal with these things or they won't be prepared for later in life.
There are no laws against name calling, gossip and rumors in the adult world.
High School is NOT the real word. It's an artificial bubble where you throw hundreds of teen-agers, hormones raging, and expect them all to get along.
An adult is better able to handle the situation at the office; on the street, whatever. A teenage girls might not yet have those skills.
I disagree that turning your head and letting your daughter 'fend for herself' or 'tough it out' is the correct way to go in this instance.
Yes, help her work on her self esteem and coping skills ~ by all means. But do not ignore other avenues of help such as calling the schools attention to their own 'zero tolerance' policy. Nah, they are not miracle workers ~ but I'll bet they know exactly what is going on and what girls are involved.
As a parent, I would never ignore this situation ~ not for any length of time anyway; if it did not work itself out.
Is your daughter involved with a 'group' in school? Such as sports teams, band, whatever? It seems to be helpful if your child is surrounded with friends (or at least acquaintences) and makes them less attractive to the bullies.
My point is that a child, 6, 10, even teenagers who are dealing with puberty, growing up and all the issues that go along with that time in their life, don't need some kid at school picking on them, taunting them, or physically assaulting them. My first post to the OP was about focusing on building her daughter's self-esteem, that's what I believe works. You can't tell a child who is the 'nice kid' to all of a sudden turn around and start bullying the bully back. It is usually not in their nature to become a bully from one day to the next.
This is a serious problem that cause kids to take their lives, kids in elementary school,even. It's really, really sad. It's not as simple as 'tell your child to toughen up'.
Real life is not nirvana. Yes, there are jerks in the workplace, etc. But when you're an adult, you have enough knowledge and life experience to recognize the 'bullies' for what they are. But IN REAL LIFE, if someone is stalking you or tries to physically assault you, what do you do? You call the police to PROTECT you. Unless you're a black belt in karate and are brave enough to take matters into your own hands.
You are so right on all points --- especially the fact that, in REAL LIFE, if someone were harassing you like this in the workplace or elsewhere, they would either be fired or arrested for harassment/assault.
Adults can't do this crap to other adults without serious repercussions. Why is it that some people here think it's OK for kids to do it to one another (kids who are of an age to know better!)
Is your daughter involved with a 'group' in school? Such as sports teams, band, whatever? It seems to be helpful if your child is surrounded with friends (or at least acquaintences) and makes them less attractive to the bullies.
Yes, she's involved in 2 extracurricular activities in school as well as an out of school activity that consists of girls from her school.
I told her it's important for her to stay with her friends. However, these girls are in her classes and, unfortunately, her activity friends aren't.
To all of you who want your children "protected", I understand the pain you feel when you see your children going through this. But your goal is to have your child eventually become a fully-functioning, mature, independent adult, right? You really cannot shield them from all the ugliness of the world. It will make their transition to adulthood that much more difficult.
However, I do think we need to clarify. Bullying in 2nd grade isn't the same as bullying in high school. Maybe SOME intervention is needed in younger grades, but older teens really should know how to handle themselves by that time.
If people at your JOB was intentionally bullying you or talking ABOUT you to others but loud enough for you to hear or just generally being nasty to you for no real reason and harassing you EVERY DAY YOU'RE THERE, what would you do??? Do you really think you walking up to the bullies and saying "stop talking about me" or "I don't appreciate you talking about me" is going to stop them? It's not.
Any bullying --- regardless of the grade level --- IS the same. The only problem is, the older they get the worse and more cutting it is. If you think any different, you haven't a clue what you're talking about.
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