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Ugh!! There's no debate here. While there are educated and uneducated moms in both groups, a higher percentage of educated moms stay in the work force than quit to stay home. That's just the way it is. There is nothing to debate here. And no one said SAHM are bad role models. What was said, by me anyway, was that it makes sense that the daughters of working moms have higher educational and career goals because they have grown up watching their mothers have careers. THAT is what has been modeled for them so that's what they aspire to. It also makes sense that both sons and daughers of working moms view women as being more equal to men because they grow up with both parents supporting their households. They don't see the division of labor you often see in SAHP households (Dad earns a living and mom takes care of the house he pays for.).
It's up to each of us to decide what we wish to model for our daughters but like it or not, we do model for them what we do. It should not surprise us that they set their aspirations accordingly. That is not to say that stay at home moms won't have daughters with high aspirations. Dd's raised in each environment will do all sorts of things. There's just a tendency to have higher goals and greater confidence if you watched your mother show you how to balance career and family. My girls don't question they'll work when they have kids. They assume they will Just as I assumed I would. Why? Because I watched my mom do it. She was my role model. The little acorns we are raising don't fall too far from the tree.
While we're on this topic though, it should be noted that maternal education at the time of a baby's birth is one of the strongest predictors of outcomes. So, get an education before you have your kids regardless of whether or not you plan to stay home or work. It's one of the best things you can do for your kids.
I understand exactly what you said. Just because somebody disagrees with you, that doesn't mean they don't get your point.
And actually, you have NO IDEA whether or not your girls will work when they have kids. Or if they'll stay home until the kids are in school, or if they'll finish their educations, or what.
You can stop lecturing me on working mothers. My mother worked as a single parent from the minute I was born, in the 60's, when it was a lot harder to do than it is to do now. I've worked my entire life in a male dominated industry with a great level of success, and my husband and I made the decision that one of us will stay home - until my daughter is in school full time - and we've both been the stay at home parent.
I didn't have a child until I was 42, so you CANNOT define me as a SAHM just because I like to take my kid to preschool and pick her up MYSELF, at this current point in time. You could not have told me 10 years ago that this would be the case. So your assumptions are moot, at best.
You are pidgeonholing women into either one or the other which, given the myriad of different roles women can take on in a lifetime, is IMO a ridiculous and futile exercise.
Oh hooray, the bonbon and soap opera stereotype. Does your wife stay home with your children? Does she sit on her butt all day? That is unfortunate. There are lots of stay-at-home parents around here (mostly moms but some dads too), and they seem pretty busy to me.
Unfortunately, there is so little work left at home that it can be hard to imagine what SAHM's do all day. I had trouble filling the time when I worked part time. I ended up joining a mom's group just to have something to do. My kids and the house just didn't take up all of my time but the kids required constant supervision so I couldn't just go do something else. I was constantly on duty but didn't have enough to do. What most people do in that situation is turn on the TV... Hence the stereo type. Plus just look at what's on TV during the day. TV execs aren't dumb. They air what will get them the most viewers.
All of us know what it's like to be home all day because we do it about 1/3 of the time. Depending on your job, being home may be a cake walk or more work. We all know which applies to us. When I was an engineer, I was busier at home than I was a work. Now, as a teacher, I'm much busier in both places. My job as an engineer was a cake walk compared to my days off at home but my days off, when I was an engineer, were a cake walk compared to my days teaching. It's all relative.
I was a stay at home Mom, until the boredom drove me crazy. My house was immaculate, everything was perfect, I was bored. I was much happier when I went back to work, and in the end, it worked out better for my career. My kids survived, and actually had to step up, as far as housecleaning, laundry, and cooking goes.
I understand exactly what you said. Just because somebody disagrees with you, that doesn't mean they don't get your point.
And actually, you have NO IDEA whether or not your girls will work when they have kids. Or if they'll stay home until the kids are in school, or if they'll finish their educations, or what.
You can stop lecturing me on working mothers. My mother worked as a single parent from the minute I was born, in the 60's, when it was a lot harder to do than it is to do now. I've worked my entire life in a male dominated industry with a great level of success, and my husband and I made the decision that one of us will stay home - until my daughter is in school full time - and we've both been the stay at home parent.
I didn't have a child until I was 42, so you CANNOT define me as a SAHM just because I like to take my kid to preschool and pick her up MYSELF, at this current point in time. You could not have told me 10 years ago that this would be the case. So your assumptions are moot, at best.
You are pidgeonholing women into either one or the other which, given the myriad of different roles women can take on in a lifetime, is IMO a ridiculous and futile exercise.
We do what we do when we are raising our kids. The definition of a stay at home mom is a mom who stays home with her kids. What she did before or will do in the future is irrelevent. What we're talking about here is what she models for her kids while she is raising them. THAT is what they see and take to heart.
If you sequence, then you model sequencing for your dd's but what your dd's will see during their formative years is you at home. What I"m not sure of is why you seem to have a problem with this being pointed out. You are modeling for your kids what you chose. I would assume you think it is a good role to model since you chose it.
I model that there is no issue with having both a career and children. What my dd's see is their mom and dad (dads play into this too) working as a team so both can have careers and raise healthy and well adjusted kids. I have no doubt they see us as more equal than they would if I had sequenced no matter what I did before or did after they were grown. I'm also sure they'd be questioning their ability to have both career and family. They know it's not a problem because they've seen their mother model having both. Which is why they both assume they will always work. Acorns do not fall far from the tree.
I'm sorry but the research says the dd's of WMs' have higher goals and attainment and the children of WM's view women as more equal to men. It is what it is. And if you think about it, it makes logical sense because of what our children see while they are growing up. They take to heart more what they see us do than what they hear us talk about. Apparently, there is a difference between talking about what you used to do before children and showing your daughter what you DO on take your daughter to work day... If there weren't, we wouldn't see the difference we're seeing in our daughters goals, self confidence and sense of equality.
That said, THE most important thing is modeling having gotten an education before having kids for our daughters. Talking about the importance of education does little good if we didn't think highly enough of education to get one ourselves before having kids. Unfortunately, the gains in this department aren't seen in kids whose mothers go to school later.
We do what we do when we are raising our kids. The definition of a stay at home mom is a mom who stays home with her kids. What she did before or will do in the future is irrelevent. What we're talking about here is what she models for her kids while she is raising them. THAT is what they see and take to heart.
If you sequence, then you model sequencing for your dd's but what your dd's will see during their formative years is you at home. What I"m not sure of is why you seem to have a problem with this being pointed out. You are modeling for your kids what you chose. I would assume you think it is a good role to model.
I model that there is no issue with having both a career and children. What my dd's see is their mom and dad (dads play into this too) working as a team so both can have careers and raise healthy and well adjusted kids. I have no doubt they see us as more equal than they would if I had sequenced no matter what I did before or did after they were grown. I'm also sure they'd be questioning their ability to have both career and family. They know it's not a problem because they've seen their mother model having both. Which is why they both assume they will always work.Acorns do not fall far from the tree.
Again, you miss my point. My point is - I grew up with a mother that always worked, I always worked, I assumed I would always work, but when I had a child I decided I would rather have someone at home while the child is younger. Therefore, I was not some neat little acorn.
Don't now tell me that my daughter is going to do exactly what I am doing - that's ridiculous. I don't know what she's going to do. You don't know what your daughters are going to do, and they don't know either.
My husband and I have both stayed home. There's no hard and fast rule about this. If you think just because I am currently a SAHM that she is not going to get a balanced view of life between the sexes, or that she's going think that she can't work when she has kids, if she chooses, just because I am currently at home - then that is patently absurd. Just as absurd as you assuming your daughters are going to do exactly as you did just because you did it.
And - a lot of daughters who have a working parent don't see equality - they see their mother working outside the home and then coming home and doing the majority of the work inside the home as well. It's nice that your household doesn't work that way, but I can bet a lot do. And what you have at the end of the day is just an exhausted woman, with no time or patience left for anybody - so don't give me that every mother who works is somebody for their daughters to model, just as everybody who stays home is not necessarily good for their daughters to model.
It depends on the individual. That's what I don't think you grasp.
It's up to each of us to decide what we wish to model for our daughters but like it or not, we do model for them what we do. It should not surprise us that they set their aspirations accordingly. That is not to say that stay at home moms won't have daughters with high aspirations. Dd's raised in each environment will do all sorts of things. There's just a tendency to have higher goals and greater confidence if you watched your mother show you how to balance career and family. My girls don't question they'll work when they have kids. They assume they will Just as I assumed I would. Why? Because I watched my mom do it. She was my role model. The little acorns we are raising don't fall too far from the tree.
Higher goals and greater confidence, huh? I think that you are inferring things from the study that just aren't there.
Ugh!! There's no debate here. While there are educated and uneducated moms in both groups, a higher percentage of educated moms stay in the work force than quit to stay home. That's just the way it is. There is nothing to debate here. And no one said SAHM are bad role models. What was said, by me anyway, was that it makes sense that the daughters of working moms have higher educational and career goals because they have grown up watching their mothers have careers. THAT is what has been modeled for them so that's what they aspire to. It also makes sense that both sons and daughers of working moms view women as being more equal to men because they grow up with both parents supporting their households. They don't see the division of labor you often see in SAHP households (Dad earns a living and mom takes care of the house he pays for.).
Even though DH is the one bringing home the paycheck at the moment, I certainly do contribute and the money is treated as both of ours. If I was not staying home, we would need to pay someone else to do what I do. My kids are little - 5 and 1. I don't have parents or in-laws who would watch our kids for free so I can work, our only option would be day care. Day care is EXPENSIVE where I live. I just looked up rates at a local daycare, my 1-year-old would be $210/week and my 5-year-old $165/week. That adds up to a whopping $1500/month. Also, if I worked, I would not be making home cooked meals every night like I do now, I suspect we would be eating out much more often which equals = more $$, not to mention, homecooked meals are healthier. If I worked, I would most likely hire someone to clean my house once a week as I wouldn't want to spend all my time off cleaning which = more money. Not to mention the commuting costs and clothes I would need to work. So thank you very much, but I DO support my household, even though I'm not bringing home a pay check as we would be paying someone else to do the things I do if I worked outside the home. I stay home now because DH and I both agree its best for our kids, and its best for our family financially at this time.
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It's up to each of us to decide what we wish to model for our daughters but like it or not, we do model for them what we do. It should not surprise us that they set their aspirations accordingly. That is not to say that stay at home moms won't have daughters with high aspirations. Dd's raised in each environment will do all sorts of things. There's just a tendency to have higher goals and greater confidence if you watched your mother show you how to balance career and family. My girls don't question they'll work when they have kids. They assume they will Just as I assumed I would. Why? Because I watched my mom do it. She was my role model. The little acorns we are raising don't fall too far from the tree.
For what its worth, even though I am a stay-at-home Mom now, I DO have an education and I did have a career prior to having kids, and I will most likely be going back to my career once both my kids are in school full time. As I mentioned before, they are little. Since DH and I are both college graduates, we will encourage our kids to go to college and I really don't think the fact that I stayed home while they were little will deter them in any way from going, and I don't think the fact that you worked while yours were little will make yours any more likely to go.
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While we're on this topic though, it should be noted that maternal education at the time of a baby's birth is one of the strongest predictors of outcomes. So, get an education before you have your kids regardless of whether or not you plan to stay home or work. It's one of the best things you can do for your kids.
This I agree with you on. Its always best for Mom to have an education, even if she plans to be a SAHM. When I was 6-years-old, my best friend's Mom found herself suddenly widowed with a 6-year-old, 3-year-old, and 1-year-old. Even though she was a SAHM at the time, she had a bachelors in education and a masters in counseling and was able to get a job as a high school guidence counselor to support her 3 kids. Its always best to have an education, and a back-up plan IMO.
I was a stay at home Mom, until the boredom drove me crazy. My house was immaculate, everything was perfect, I was bored. I was much happier when I went back to work, and in the end, it worked out better for my career. My kids survived, and actually had to step up, as far as housecleaning, laundry, and cooking goes.
I agree. I didn't stay home but I worked part time and that was bad enough. There just wasn't enough to do to fill the days. While kids do need constant supervision, they stop you from doing things you would do if you had that kind of time and they weren't around. Forget hobbies. You get 5 minutes into something and the kids need something. So you sit there for those 5 minutes waiting for the next thing they need.
My kids and I were much happier when they went to day care to play with their friends and mommy went back to work. Dh tells me he doesn't care what I do as long as I don't stay home.... I have to agree with him. I'd need to live on a farm or something to be a SAHM. I need to be busy.
It must be nice to have a job that allows you to post on the internet all day. The only reason I'm on here at this hour was because my children are sick, normally not on the computer during the day.
Higher goals and greater confidence, huh? I think that you are inferring things from the study that just aren't there.
No, I'm talking about other studies but, it really makes sense given that we behave more as equals to men, our dd's grow up watching us use our educations (demonstrating the importance of education for girls vs. just talking about the importance of education for girls.) and we model how to manage both home and career (giving our dd's the confidence to think they can do the same).
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Hence the stereo type. Plus just look at what's on TV during the day. TV execs aren't dumb. They air what will get them the most viewers. 
You are modeling for your kids what you chose. I would assume you think it is a good role to model since you chose it.
