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For anybody who thinks that Feminism is now an unnecessary and outdated ideal, I give you Exhibit A.
As to the debate re SAHM's as a whole being less educated, and not as good a role model for their daughters, in terms of equality - I would say that NOW, perhaps not 20/30 years ago, women tend to work in high quality positions a lot longer and right up until they have their babies, when they decide to stay home, many for the younger years - and then they go back to work, or they work from home, or they start a home based enterprise. Or they stay home until their children have left the nest, but I think it's pretty rare that you'll find a SAHM who has never had some kind of career path up to the the time they had a child.
Yes, there's actually a term for that-- sequencing-- and a parents' group created with that in mind (Mothers & More).
And what I was saying is not all women do the most good at home. I am not good at all of the SAHM stuff. I know it. I accept it. I do the most good going to work and providing for my family. If it wasn't for me going to work, we would not have money for food, shelter, or clothing. It is that simple.
I would LOVE to stay at home with my daughter. My working is not about what I want. It is about doing what is best for my family. I don't know why this is so hard for you to understand. Not all women are born with the Suzie Homemaker gene. Just like not all men were born to be a businessman or construction worker. I think the best ting for a family to do it to recognize each member's strengths and weaknesses and then work together to make the best family you can.
If it's a financial issue, I don't see a problem with women wanting to make the ends meet, that's what they are suppose to do. If my income fell short by a few thousand I would want mine to work too. but if she don't have to, I'd prefer if she stayed home. it's safer, more convienient, and not to mention she's watching our stuff aka house, money, furniture, kids, whatever it may be.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-26-2011 at 11:30 AM..
Reason: removed inflammatory comment
tons? can you post a link showing the ratio of stay-at-home-dads vs. stay-at-home-moms in your area?
In fact, in order to disprove "never" which was your claim, I need only present one. In my small rural town, I can name 10 by name. I won't. They probably would not want me to.
Quote:
obviously not if you're complaining about your role.
What part of I love my role did you fail to understand?
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-26-2011 at 11:30 AM..
Reason: fixed tag
that way all you complaining stay-at-home-moms can get out here and win that bread while us Men stay at home, rake the yard, drink beer and hang out til you get home
While I agree with your stance with your in-laws, I would love to trade with you. I personally would prefer to go back to work. You can do what I do at home and I'll go to work and "win the bread." BTW, here's the schedule:
0530: I'm up packing up my kid's lunches. My son is a celiac, which means I have to hand make most of his lunches, including the bread. I also read through my kids notebooks from school to insure that there's nothing that requires my signature.
0600: Kids are up, I make breakfast, no pop tarts in this family-- DS likes gluten free oatmeal with a little bit of dairy free butter and chocolate chips. DD likes fruit and yogurt.
0630: Kids are dressed and showered.
0700: I have to drive my son to his school, because if I didn't the bus would show up at 5:00 to pick him up (my son goes to a school for special needs children)
0720: I arrive at school drop him off, go over any important notes with the teacher
0745: Avoid cops and speed zones to get my DD on the bus
0800-1030: I go for a run. I am a certified personal trainer, in order to have any legitimacy in my business, I have to run.
1030-11:00 Lunch
11:00-1:30 clean the house, you don't think the house can get messy with the kids at school, wrong, my son is a sensory seeker and I have two high-shed dogs and put on dinner (I use the crock pot a LOT)
1:30 off to pick up my son
2:00 at the place I tutor autistic children, I tutor my son and three classmates at the therapists office until the therapists are ready for them
3:00 Drop my son off at therapy, run home, because my daughter will be home in 10 minutes (it's a 15 minute drive)
3:15 Daughter is at home, we do homework
3:45 Go pick up my son from therapy, drive 45 minutes to next therapists appointment
6:00: therapy is done, drive 45 minutes in rush hour traffic to get home serve supper, disperse meds, and do homework
7:30 kids are in bed
9:00 I'm in bed
between 9:00-1:00 AM, I'm up several times with my son, who besides having autism and ADHD, he is a severe insomniac who has a tendency to wander.
Oh and did I mention that right now my husband is deployed/TDY to Louisiana and only working 2-3 days out of the week right now, when he's home he works 12-14 hours. Just FTR, there are some days that it's so hectic that I forget to go to the bathroom. Only reason I'm online now is I worked through the weekend to get all the cleaning done, only to have two sick children home today with pink eye.
ETA: I wouldn't trade this life for the world, because my husband ultimately screw it up or do it half arsed.
1. I'm changing the title of the thread to something more neutral.
2. Play nice. Being intentionally rude and provocative is trolling and will be dealt with.
And you're complaining? Jesus Christ, I'd take your spot in a heartbeat. sounds like you got a sweetheart deal.
You've obviously never spent the day with a very active 5-year-old and 1-year-old. My DH regularly tells me he wants to go back to work after he comes home because work is easier!
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you wanna trade?? I work on a construction crane from 5am to sometimes 12 midnight MONDAY THRU FRIDAY...you wanna switch??
I'd LOVE to do what you do and you do what I do.
If you hate working construction so much, why did you go into that line of work?
For anybody who thinks that Feminism is now an unnecessary and outdated ideal, I give you Exhibit A.
As to the debate re SAHM's as a whole being less educated, and not as good a role model for their daughters, in terms of equality - I would say that NOW, perhaps not 20/30 years ago, women tend to work in high quality positions a lot longer and right up until they have their babies, when they decide to stay home, many for the younger years - and then they go back to work, or they work from home, or they start a home based enterprise. Or they stay home until their children have left the nest, but I think it's pretty rare that you'll find a SAHM who has never had some kind of career path up to the the time they had a child.
Women are having babies later, and staying at work longer. I don't think you can quantify the type of woman who is a stay at home mom any longer. The ones that have not had any kind of career prior to staying at home are probably the ones that would not have had a career regardless of whether they had children or not, and would have stayed in a subsistence job their whole lives (not making a value judgment, just stating a fact).
Luckily educated and driven women do have the choice as to when/if they wish to stay at home because they'd like to, or work because they'd like to. Because of technology, even that line is becoming more and more blurry.
Good luck trying to pigeonhole women these days - I don't think you really can, and I don't know why you'd want to.
Ugh!! There's no debate here. While there are educated and uneducated moms in both groups, a higher percentage of educated moms stay in the work force than quit to stay home. That's just the way it is. There is nothing to debate here. And no one said SAHM are bad role models. What was said, by me anyway, was that it makes sense that the daughters of working moms have higher educational and career goals because they have grown up watching their mothers have careers. THAT is what has been modeled for them so that's what they aspire to. It also makes sense that both sons and daughers of working moms view women as being more equal to men because they grow up with both parents supporting their households. They don't see the division of labor you often see in SAHP households (Dad earns a living and mom takes care of the house he pays for.).
It's up to each of us to decide what we wish to model for our daughters but like it or not, we do model for them what we do. It should not surprise us that they set their aspirations accordingly. That is not to say that stay at home moms won't have daughters with high aspirations. Dd's raised in each environment will do all sorts of things. There's just a tendency to have higher goals and greater confidence if you watched your mother show you how to balance career and family. My girls don't question they'll work when they have kids. They assume they will Just as I assumed I would. Why? Because I watched my mom do it. She was my role model. The little acorns we are raising don't fall too far from the tree.
While we're on this topic though, it should be noted that maternal education at the time of a baby's birth is one of the strongest predictors of outcomes. So, get an education before you have your kids regardless of whether or not you plan to stay home or work. It's one of the best things you can do for your kids.
(Dad earns a living and mom takes care of the house he pays for.).
We always considered that we BOTH payed for the house. He went out and got a paycheck doing what he loved. I supported him by taking care of the house and the kids and a thousand things he couldn't because of his particular job. (Which involved goofy hours and being away from home for long periods of time.)
I could also spent money as I saw fit. The whole "his" money was never part of our equation. Neither was levels of university education for that matter. I have a lot more college education but couldn't begin to do his job. Our children couldn't have cared less one way or the other.
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Jesus Christ, I'd take your spot in a heartbeat. sounds like you got a sweetheart deal.
