19 yo told me that she is sexually active (infants, smart, 14 year old)
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Thing is, it doesn't matter what any of OUR morals or values are, only what the OP's daughter's are. We can say it is right, wrong, normal, whatever... it doesn't matter. I think, no matter what the age, it is hard to find out your kids are sexually active. It means your baby is grown up. That's an emotional response, and that's understandable. I think even the OP realizes in the big scheme, the situation is what it is, and could be much worse.
1) Low cost, even free, condoms are available at clinics almost everywhere, especially college campuses.
2) I JUST SAID I did not think it was practical for adults (read, past 22) to wait until marriage. Please read.
3)So what you are saying is that self-control is not possible. We cannot expect our teenagers to actually control themselves, so we've got to give them condoms.
This is copied:
In a television advertisement emphasizing the importance of condoms, the Surgeon General C. Everett Koop said that the best way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases "barring abstinence is the use of a condom." Notice, condoms are SECOND best!
It’s interesting that educators place a different emphasis on sex education than on many other areas of academia. Teachers have decided to teach the "second-rate" way of doing things rather than the best way. The reason they often give is "kids are going to have sex anyway."
When nutrition is taught, teachers still focus their attention on the four basic food groups. They do not let the fact that kids like and eat junk food dissuade them from teaching the importance of a balanced diet.
Kids are still taught how to read, even though many rarely do at home. Teachers do not give up on reading and teach the kids how to turn on a television set or introduce them to books on tape.
In algebra, kids are still taught the most effective way to solve equations. We do not teach them shortcuts that work on some problems, but not on all.
That’s what condom-based education is. Condoms are not 100 percent effective. Abstinence is. The fact that some kids will have sex anyway should not affect the curriculum.
4) Young people who are not sexually active overwhelmingly cite the #1 reason as their religious beliefs.
5) Young people who are raised in 2 parent households are overwhelmingly less likely to engage in teenage sex.
1. Most teenagers start having sex before college, so that really does not help them. Most teens are also unaware of the options they have.
2.That's nice.
3. Kids should be primarily taught to protect themselves and not some model of beliefs that runs aganist the grain of human nature. Yes you are correct abstinence is always going to be the safest option. However teaching a child that abstinence is the only way to be safe is not going to prepare them when they do decide to have sex.
Thing is, it doesn't matter what any of OUR morals or values are, only what the OP's daughter's are. We can say it is right, wrong, normal, whatever... it doesn't matter. I think, no matter what the age, it is hard to find out your kids are sexually active. It means your baby is grown up. That's an emotional response, and that's understandable. I think even the OP realizes in the big scheme, the situation is what it is, and could be much worse.
Bear in mind that I have no opinion on the rest... But...
I want to speak to this. It seems to me that, though you are correct that nothing is 100% risk free except abstinence, 100% is not needed. That if one were to say double up the pill and condoms, the risk would be so vanishingly small to be an acceptable risk to take. One can manage the risk of STIs by wise partner choice, like choosing a partner who has no other or few other partners. This does not seem all that unlikely at the age of 19.
It sounds like you are worried for your daughter, and who wouldn't. But it seems to me that she is the one who makes the risk assessment.
I think this is true. Many of the young men and women that I knew in college (and later on) had sex but were very careful with their bc - doubling, even tripling up on methods to make sure that a pregnancy did not occur.
I JUST SAID I did not think it was practical for adults (read, past 22) to wait until marriage. Please read.
I don't know if it's practical but it's a personal decision that some people do make. The thing is that there isn't an age or number (ie "past 22") that you can point to and say "this is when it changes". Some people are ready for big things in live and totally responsible by 18 or younger. Others never get there.
Re several responses above...Somebody who waits until marriage can still get an STD. I waited until marriage and my former husband gave me HIV. HIV doesn't care if you have a marriage license or not, neither do any other STD's.
So teach your child to marry if you wish,but on top of that teach them what safe sex is
I stand by my statement: If said 19 year old is not equipped to raise a child, then said 19 year old should not be having sex.
This may interest you:
--34% of women in the U.S. become pregnant before the age of 20. 80% of those pregnancies are unplanned.
--80% of those teenage mothers end up on welfare.
--That welfare costs U.S. taxpayers up to $7 billion annually.
--Only 1.5% of teenage mothers earn a college degree by the time they are age 30.
--Sons of teenage mothers are 13% more likely to end up in prision.
--Daughters of teenage mothers are 22% more likely to be teenage mothers themselves, thereby perpetuating the cycle.
Here's a few more statements for ya:
If a 30-year-old married couple are not equipped to raise a child, then said 50-year-old married couple should not be having sex.
If a 19-year-old is proven to be infertile, then said 19-year-old shouldn't be discouraged from having sex.
If a 15-year-old is equipped to raise a child, then said 15-year-old should not be discouraged from having sex.
These statements are the conclusions of what your statement supports. By you making this "absolute" statement about 19 year olds who are not "equipped" (and wth does that mean anyway) to raise a child, you infer the other statements.
I included the statistics of your post, because I want to know the source.
Re several responses above...Somebody who waits until marriage can still get an STD. I waited until marriage and my former husband gave me HIV. HIV doesn't care if you have a marriage license or not, neither do any other STD's.
So teach your child to marry if you wish,but on top of that teach them what safe sex is
It's OK. 21 years going strong this month. I just wince when I hear people talking about marriage "protecting" you from std's
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