19 yo told me that she is sexually active (14 yr old, learn, boyfriend)
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Well, you can say "neither" to rkb0305's question, but for some girls, it's one or the other. I can say, I'd rather she have the sex than get married to the wrong guy. I think that's a no-brainer. Divorce is far worse, emotionally and in other ways, than pre-marital sex.
People who acted so shocked that human being teenagers (i.e., sexual beings) actually have sex and then talk about the bible are equating sex with evil, otherwise, why bother quoting the bible on the issue.
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
All of your moralizing and proselytizing is gratuitous. The OP's daughter has already done the deed. The water is over the dam and it's going to keep flowing over the dam. So do you have any useful advice under the circumstances? If not, may I suggest hanging out at the Christianity forum?
So am I expected to believe there is a huge difference between a 18 year old HS senior and a 19 y.o. college freshman?
I don't believe it.
You will when your own kids get that age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
I think many parents would be less than thrilled about their 19 yr old having sex with a boyfriend. I don't get your sarcasm about "this fills you with pride" and "this was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?" I don't know how old your kids are. Certainly, when mine were four, I wasn't even thinking about them finding a partner and having sex. We were more concerned with pre-school, getting potty training down pat, things like that. As they get older, your dreams for them change. I think most parents who are happily partnered themselves hope for their kids to find a mate at some point in young adulthood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
That was definitely the implication.
And at 19, a girl may be biologically ready, but she may or may not be emotionally ready.
You are kinda talking down to me here, Fin.
Not to mention, clearly we have no conservative Christians other than myself responding to this thread.
By 19, most of them think they're emotionally ready. Doesn't mean they are, of course, but when you think about women of a few generations back getting married at 19 or younger, it's not unrealistic to be emotionally ready by 19.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1
Well, exactly how would you have had us respond to the OP's post? Apparently, we have not shown enough angst for you.
Should we have wrung our hands and said what a terrible thing it is? How she is ruining her life and the world might as well just stop right now?
That ship has sailed; there is no taking it back and negativity about the situation will not improve it. SO - we focus on the positive. Yes, it is good that this girl has an open and honest relationship with her mother. Yes, she could certainly be doing a LOT worse. Maybe our kids will be doing worse. We don't know.
I think we supported the OP, as is appropriate in this situation.
Would you have us condemn her?
I learned long ago to 'never say never'. We don't know yet how OUR kids will turn out so I try not to criticize children of others.
How about showing a little compassion for a Mother who was upset?
I learned that too. In fact, some friends and I have a little secret club for mothers whose kids have done. . . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
I don't know what the average age of losing one's virginity is, but I would venture 16 or younger . . .obviously, by the time an "adult" is off to college, they will be exercising their freedoms. Sex is natural, by-the-way, in case you have not heard.
As a parent I never expect my child to be average in anything! Sex is natural but it has consequences that one should be ready for before engaging in!
No one expects their kid to be average. But kids have a way of putting us in our place regarding expectations. (See my response to Ringo1, essentially agreeing with her.) The OP's daughter seems to be ready for the consequences. She's on birth control.
What I will tell my daughter when the time is right is that I have no regrets (at least when it comes to my sex life), and I want the same for her.
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! Sex is natural but it has consequences that one should be ready for before engaging in!
