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Personally, I do not think the OP should be surprised about, or even dismayed about, her daughter.
But what surprises me, reading this thread,....
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Does no one believe in waiting for marriage any more?
I don't know about no one, but I never believed in waiting for marriage.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Are traditional values completely out the window?
No, not for everybody. But traditional values are meaningful to some people and not others, obviously.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Are women waiting so long to get married now that no one thinks twice about it?
Yes, some. There's no way I was going to wait until I was 41. But being married or not has never had any impact on my decision to have sex.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
To act like, well, everyone at 19 is doing it so it's no big deal....
A lot of 19 year olds are, not all. But really, to some, it isn't a big deal. As long as there is respect and self worth, then it's up to the individual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
IDK, it makes me worry for my kids as they get older.
Coming into a life-long commitment with no sexual baggage is really an extraordinary gift to yourself and your partner. That said, I don't think it's a moral issue.
When you look at it that way, having a monogamous relationship for 2.5 years, and being 19 years old, and being sexually active with that one partner all that time, isn't really a big deal at all.
Please go back and read my first sentence.
This is not about the OP's situation.
It is about morality in general, and the attitude as expressed in 30 some posts that it is no big deal.
It is about the attitude that it is perfectly acceptable for teenagers to be having sex (did she start at 17? Is that still OK?) but it is not acceptable to be married at that age.
I am not saying we should go back to Just Julia's grandmother's days and getting married at 18 and popping out babies.
But there is nothing wrong with encouraing teenage girls to wait, to wait, to wait.
I don't think traditional values are completely out the window, but young people are waiting to get married, yes. The average age of a woman to get married now is something like 27, while the average age of a woman losing her virginity is something like 16. I understand the OP's shock, and I will probably go through it too one of these years (hopefully later than sooner ), other posters are right. It's pretty normal and natural, and thank goodness she is protecting herself and being with one long-term boyfriend. 50 years ago they'd be married and doing the same thing, but probably without the birth control. This girl wants to go to med school and wait to have children. It's not the path that most women used to take.
The average age that kids lose their virginity hasn't budged in a long time, but they are waiting to marry and have children. Given that people who marry young have a higher rate of divorce, I think that is OK. But one of the consequences of waiting to marry is that most of them aren't going to wait to have sex. Social values are evolving. We can't go back to the way it was, and even if we could I'm not sure we would want to. All my grandmothers were married by 17 or 18 and had babies shortly thereafter, and none of them went to college.
I agree with this. People are waiting to marry and have children. I do not see the problem with someone at the age of 18 losing their virginity and continuing to have healthy sexual relationships before marriage.
What I do have a problem with is when they are in middle school and in high school having sex before they can even understand the concept of meaningful sexual relationships, protected sex, the economics of having a child and in general lustful hormones and teen angst doesnot equal love from boyfriend/girlfriend.
The women that I know who waited till marriage to lose their virginity and have sex are now divorced. Sex did play a role in why they are divorced. So I am all for having sex before marriage.
As for morality, my moral views when it comes to sex is respect yourself first, respect others and wait to have children when you are older in a meaningful longterm relationship and/or married.
The women that I know who waited till marriage to lose their virginity and have sex are now divorced. Sex did play a role in why they are divorced. So I am all for having sex before marriage.
Can I play my "not me" card here? Still going strong and having plenty of good sex after 22 years.
BTW, I have no problem with a 19-year-old having a sexual relationship.
ok, but what is she getting out of it. she is giving her youth and beauty non refundable. french girls have a very different take on this stuff.
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), other posters are right. It's pretty normal and natural, and thank goodness she is protecting herself and being with one long-term boyfriend. 50 years ago they'd be married and doing the same thing, but probably without the birth control. This girl wants to go to med school and wait to have children. It's not the path that most women used to take.
