19 yo told me that she is sexually active (attorney, legal, support)
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I'm thinking that, at nineteen, I wasn't dominated so much by nature's need to perpetuate the species as nature's largesse in allowing women to be able to achieve multiple Os.
There is something to be said for having been a young adult at a time post-birth control, but pre-AIDS.
LOL! Very true. I also came of age in the post birth control/pre AIDS era.
Actually, Christians value abstinence in males as well as females.
And by "traditional values" I mean the idea--however not a part of reality in any social era--that sex should be reserved for marriage.
I am sure you a nice person and make lovely cookies but that is not the question at hand.
My concern for my children is raising them in a society that promotes the idea that sex without marriage is not a big deal; that sex is just natural urges, so go on ahead. My concern is the general attitude that as long as you are physically taking care of preventing pregnancy and diseases, go ahead....without regard to the emotional impact, especially on young women.
At the same time, I do think it is unlikely now, with women waiting so long to get married, for women to wait to have sex until they are married. I don't think it is natural for someone to wait until they are 30 or 35 to have sex. But again, IME, there is a difference between a 19 year old and a 24 year old.
And believe it or not, I am not a prude.
My initial response was just really astonishment that in 3 pages of responses, everyone was just like "Oh, cool, good for her, no big deal".
I do think it is a big deal and I can understand if the OP is a little sad to learn about this.
If I had married the person that I was in love with at 24 my life would have been a complete hell. He wasn't a horrible person, just not the type I would want to spend a lifetime with. Plus, I plain flat wasn't ready to get married/have kids when I was only 24.
It's wonderful if you can find "the one" early in life but there is no guarantee that will happen. You may not find that special person until you're 25 or 30 or even 40 years old and it would be unnatural (even a torture) for most people to wait that long...
So if there is a limit on how long a person should have to wait before they have unmarried sex, what is that limit and who should be the one to determine it? Rather than setting artificial limits, I think we (I'm talking adults, not kids) have to listen to our own hearts and do what is right for ourselves.
Last edited by springfieldva; 10-05-2011 at 02:49 PM..
You may not want it but when she is 18 she will be old enough to make her own decisions. How old do you think is old enough?
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
Yeah, see, nobody's saying anything of the sort. But like it or not, 19 is well past the age where one sexually matures, biologically speaking.
Nobody said don't teach your kids because they "won't be able to control their urges". Having sex does not equate to being wild and animalistic. It is a deeply personal thing whether somebody wants to act on said urges, and it's nobody else's business if they do, even their mother's.
Morality is a complex personal issue, and not everybody equates sex with immorality. Stealing another person's spouse, having sex with somebody under false pretenses, cheating on your SO - immoral, imo - having sex with somebody who's free and clear to do so, because you want to - not so much. Not in my world. Maybe not in your child's world either. But it's not really up to you. At 19, they're well old enough to make that decision for themselves.
That was definitely the implication.
And at 19, a girl may be biologically ready, but she may or may not be emotionally ready.
You are kinda talking down to me here, Fin.
Not to mention, clearly we have no conservative Christians other than myself responding to this thread.
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
I think it is important to instill your values in your kids, but I also think it is important to balance that with realistic expectations. Would you rather your daughter get married at 19 to the wrong guy just to avoid having sex before marriage, then end up unhappily married or divorced, or would you rather her go ahead and have sex with him, unmarried, realize he was the wrong person, and end up with the right person, happy? I see the value of doing it "your way" if you happen to find your soul mate at a young age, but that doesn't often happen.
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
That's understandable, absolutely. I don't disagree with you. But the OP posted about something that already happened--her daughter is already having sex. The OP is a little dismayed. I think that's normal!
You're talking about what you want for your daughter someday. The OP is talking about something that already happened, now. What can she do? Tell her daughter how disappointed she is? Ground her? This young woman is an adult in college. I know we disagreed in the other thread, so please don't think I am picking on you. I'm not, really. But what can the OP do, really?
So all of you parents will be jumping up and down with joy if your 19 year old daughter is regularly having sex with her boyfriend?
This fills you with pride? This was your dream for her when she was 4 years old?
Yeah, right.
I know that if/when the time comes and she is not living under my roof, it will not be my business. I know that, people; you don't need to treat me like I'm stupid.
My hope is, that my daughter will be more occupied with her college studies, with her athletics or hobbies which I want her persue with a passion, with her friends--both male and female, and with her faith.
You have been instilling your core values into your daughter since she was a little girl. Her views have no doubt been shaped by those values and if she feels that it is important to wait for marriage (and I'm sure she does!) she might decide to do just that. Her faith, friends and interests will help to keep her strong.
At the same time, love and attraction are mighty powerful feelings. Not all young adults are able to wait until they are married to have sex, even though they might wish that they had waited.
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