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I guess biological urges are completely overwhelming to everyone.
Why should I even bother teaching my children morality, since they won't be able to control their urges?
What in heaven's name is wrong teaching my children to wait?
I know I can't put an exact number on it, but there is a big difference in the emotional maturity of a 23 year old vs. a 19 year old.
What I'm hearing from a lot of you is, well high school is not OK, but college is.
So am I expected to believe there is a huge difference between a 18 year old HS senior and a 19 y.o. college freshman?
I don't believe it.
I get what you are saying and no there isn't. Heck even from 23-27 I know a few ladies out there who need to grow up.
The point is this person is considered an adult by law and they will most likely be out of your home and supervision. They will be interacting with people who will be older than them with life experiences. The temptation to have sex will be greater than it was in high school. As a parent I can only hope and pray I have taught my children right and to be as responsible as the OP's child in using birth control and putting life experience/education/career first before having children.
By life experience I mean travel, see the world, take opportunities such as interning at Vogue or going off to Cambodia to help build an orphanage.
Having been 19 once myself, it is such a crying shame that so much time, effort and energy is taken out of person's life, for something so incredibly unimportant. How sad that we are so dominated by natures need to perpetuate the species.
20yrsinBranson
I'm thinking that, at nineteen, I wasn't dominated so much by nature's need to perpetuate the species as nature's largesse in allowing women to be able to achieve multiple Os.
There is something to be said for having been a young adult at a time post-birth control, but pre-AIDS.
Does no one believe in waiting for marriage any more?
Are traditional values completely out the window?
Are women waiting so long to get married now that no one thinks twice about it?
To act like, well, everyone at 19 is doing it so it's no big deal....
IDK, it makes me worry for my kids as they get older.
Define traditional values. I pay my bills, keep my house passing clean, raise my children to be well-behaved and respectful, and value service to my fellow human. I vote. I don't kick puppies. I bake cookies and have lovely kids and grandkids. If the fact that I'm not a member of a monotheistic belief system which values virginity in its females and screwed my brains out when I was nineteen is important...yeah...probably I'm off the "traditional values" list, unkicked puppies notwithstanding.
Why do you worry for your kids because other people are having sex as young adults? Serious question, not meant snarkily.
So am I expected to believe there is a huge difference between a 18 year old HS senior and a 19 y.o. college freshman?
I don't believe it.
Parenthetical to the discussion-- yes, there is a huge difference. Even aside from the issue of sex (but including it if you like), there is an immense difference between the girl you throw a graduation party for in June, and the woman who gets off the plane when she comes home from school at Thanksgiving. I've been there twice with my children, and have seen it with nieces and nephews. It never ceases to amaze me.
I wished i could of talked to my mother that way, she was very religious and she didn't belive in talking about anything like that, that was her and dad's mistake. I learned about sex from school and friends. I was pregant by age 14 and married my son's father and we have been together for 26 yrs and we had three other children. I lost my childhood because my parents choose to be closed minded and thought i was a perfect child, I was never asked about anything, I was never given a chance to talk. I tried to talk to my mother about my monthly and she said i will take you to your doctor and you ask her, what you need to know. My mother thought that talking about something like that was perverted. You are so luckly that your daughter can love and trust you enough to be open and honest and i wish i would of had something close to that . I am so glad , i have raised two childern that are grown and gone on there own and doing great and i have two sons left and they are teenagers and there very open with me. I tried to be very open with them and we are very close but i am still there mother not there friend.
Define traditional values. I pay my bills, keep my house passing clean, raise my children to be well-behaved and respectful, and value service to my fellow human. I vote. I don't kick puppies. I bake cookies and have lovely kids and grandkids. If the fact that I'm not a member of a monotheistic belief system which values virginity in its females and screwed my brains out when I was nineteen is important...yeah...probably I'm off the "traditional values" list, unkicked puppies notwithstanding.
Why do you worry for your kids because other people are having sex as young adults? Serious question.
Actually, Christians value abstinence in males as well as females.
And by "traditional values" I mean the idea--however not a part of reality in any social era--that sex should be reserved for marriage.
I am sure you a nice person and make lovely cookies but that is not the question at hand.
My concern for my children is raising them in a society that promotes the idea that sex without marriage is not a big deal; that sex is just natural urges, so go on ahead. My concern is the general attitude that as long as you are physically taking care of preventing pregnancy and diseases, go ahead....without regard to the emotional impact, especially on young women.
At the same time, I do think it is unlikely now, with women waiting so long to get married, for women to wait to have sex until they are married. I don't think it is natural for someone to wait until they are 30 or 35 to have sex. But again, IME, there is a difference between a 19 year old and a 24 year old.
And believe it or not, I am not a prude.
My initial response was just really astonishment that in 3 pages of responses, everyone was just like "Oh, cool, good for her, no big deal".
I do think it is a big deal and I can understand if the OP is a little sad to learn about this.
My concern for my children is raising them in a society that promotes the idea that sex without marriage is not a big deal; that sex is just natural urges, so go on ahead. My concern is the general attitude that as long as you are physically taking care of preventing pregnancy and diseases, go ahead....without regard to the emotional impact, especially on young women.
We all raise our children surrounded by outside influences.
It's best to focus on your children, not society, because you have absolutely no control whatsoever on society.
I think we all acknowledged understanding a little sadness.
But, in reality, it is not THAT surprising.
Like it or not; preach abstaining all you want; and young people are still going to have sex before marriage.
Once they are out of YOUR house; you have no control; and really ~ not that much while in your house. Unless you follow them eveywhere they go.
Girls in college can be much more reckless than what the OP described. Multiple partners; hooking up; one night stands; non-existant birth control . . . .
I don't want to think about my son having sex either. But I'm not going to kid myself that, at age 19, it hasn't or won't happen.
Odds are ~ it will.
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