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After the fourth is when I should have got snipped. Life. Two jobs, 4 kids, and a stay at home wife. If the miscarriage didn't happen or the pragnancy at all we wouldn't be here. It's messed up and I just want my family together, happy. My oldest is watching his cousin go through a divorce, so he's all freaked out. Heartbreaking!!
Actually, the miscarriage was just a couple months ago if that's the pragnancy you're referring to. Can you have post-partum after a couple months pragnant and losing the baby? I didn't think that was possible.
It's not uncommon to experience intense grief symptoms in the months after a miscarriage. It sounds like her behavior towards you is a recent change? Sometimes people lash out when they are grieving, especially if for some reason her way of coping with the miscarriage is wanting another baby and she sees you as "standing in the way?" Is there any chance she'd be willing to go talk to a counselor? Some hospitals and OB practices have referrals to therapists who specialize in the issues surrounding a lost pregnancy.
I agree with everyone else that your wife needs to seek out a counselor, and you should also go. She sounds very emotional to me. Some people can calmly but emphatically state that children are a deal breaker. You already have four, and it doesn't sound like you are in a good financial place for more.
My vote is counseling and no more children. I hope you two can work this out. I'm sure you are a wreck over this. Based on the information you've provided, though, you don't sound unreasonable. She sounds emotionally unstable. Good luck to you.
It sounds to me like you're looking for excuses to leave your wife. You would really despise another child so much that you would walk out on the whole family?
It sounds to me like you're looking for excuses to leave your wife. You would really despise another child so much that you would walk out on the whole family?
You have him confused with his wife. She's the one willing to walk out on the family for a non-existent child.
It's not uncommon to experience intense grief symptoms in the months after a miscarriage. It sounds like her behavior towards you is a recent change? Sometimes people lash out when they are grieving, especially if for some reason her way of coping with the miscarriage is wanting another baby and she sees you as "standing in the way?" Is there any chance she'd be willing to go talk to a counselor? Some hospitals and OB practices have referrals to therapists who specialize in the issues surrounding a lost pregnancy.
I think this is great advice. There are also support groups that your wife and yourself may find very beneficial. I'd say first off your wife should make an appointment with her physician and take it from there.
I don't want another child, BUT I DO want my wife and family. She wants another child and if she can't convince me, then she DOESN'T want me or our family as it is today.
Not that I can speak for my wife, but she would claim it's not just the miscarriage why she wants to do this. Claiming as she started to feel happy about having another baby that her body is just telling her she's not done. She's also attempted to flip it at me and state that by me not wanting a 5th child that I'm deciding I don't want this marriage anymore. This is far from the truth. Our marriage isn't perfect and she is consumed by taking care of the kids and the house, but to look at it all and say 'yeah you should be divorced' just doesn't add up.
Not that I can speak for my wife, but she would claim it's not just the miscarriage why she wants to do this. Claiming as she started to feel happy about having another baby that her body is just telling her she's not done. She's also attempted to flip it at me and state that by me not wanting a 5th child that I'm deciding I don't want this marriage anymore. This is far from the truth. Our marriage isn't perfect and she is consumed by taking care of the kids and the house, but to look at it all and say 'yeah you should be divorced' just doesn't add up.
She's trying to manipulate/guilt you into having her way. Of course, her hormones may be causing all this. I don't think you can make her see what she would be doing to the kids you have now if she were to initiate a divorce. Perhaps the both of you can speak to her doctor to see how the miscarriage/hormones/grief are affecting her emotional health.
Other than that, perhaps a marriage counselor would help to "mediate" this problem.
Just don't give in. But if does threaten you with the divorce card, then tell her if that's what she wants, then she can be the one to leave... without the kids. But don't do that until you've exhausted all your options.
You absolutely need to get her to a professional - a psychiatrist who can order the tests and prescribe. I believe your wife is going through either post-partum depression or grief from the loss of the last baby - or even both together. It's also possible she is having other health issues - you mentioned fertility drugs to have the first child and there may be other issues. Please have her evaluated by a medical professional (psychiatrists are MDs).
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