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I'm sixteen weeks along, and my husband and I are ecstatic about our first child. Our little one will be the first grandchild for both our parents, and everyone has shown great support, care, and encouragement. We opted not to find out the gender.
One cloud is marring our joyful experience, and that is my husband's staunch position on the baby's name. He insists a firstborn son must be called Henry Louis. He is the fifth of that name, and wants a son to be the sixth. He has never considered any other boy's name since he was young, and the decision is considered set in his mind. No ifs, ands, or buts. I appreciate the tradition in the name and having a family name, but he leaves little room for compromise. The problem is that I dislike both of these names a lot, and I have for a long time. He goes by a nickname, and time has not changed my opinion of Henry or Louis much.
I don't want to name my son Henry Louis. We discussed possible baby names and I asked whether he would consider one (Louis) for the first name and different middle names, or even Henry Louis (Other Names). He won't budge. It's Henry Louis, not Henry Louis Jacob or Louis Alexander or James Henry Louis. There is no compromising on this one, although we have had fruitful and inspired discussions for girl's names. Just the boy's we have a problem with.
What can I do? We are not anticipating having more children so I can't just wait for the next one. Maybe it's my hormones talking, but I feel like the baby already gets two guaranteed names of his (surname, Henry or Louis). Shouldn't I be allowed to contribute one? I almost dread having a boy because of the friction it's causing.
My parents say to give the issue time and see how we feel, as the baby's appearance might throw all our plans out the window and our "Henry" might turn out to be suited for a "Patrick" or "Elliott." This is just keeping me up at night now. Help!
Surely this subject came up when you were dating, or at the very least before you ever got pregnant?
Please don't tell me this is the first you've ever heard of your husbands expectation to continue his family tradition?
Or did you just do what many women foolishly do - believe that you could make him change his mind??
I have a serious objection to one person saying this is IT and there's no room for compromise. Tradition is important, sure, but when I have kids I can't wait to choose a name for them that I'm really excited about. I would be equally as upset as the OP. And I agree that it seems silly to legally name the baby one thing and then call him by something that has nothing to do with his name. Not to mention it'll be confusing for the rest of his life when he's in school, on job interviews, etc.
I think it may come up to talking to a counselor about it with him. In all other matters, we have been able to discuss and compromise, consider, and reach a solution which meets both of our needs. We've been together for seven years, and though the conversation of what we'd name a baby has come up before, this is the first time he has been quite adamant about the boy's names. His desire to call our baby Henry Louis may be a carryover from childhood, one which holds a lot of meaning to my husband, and I respect and recognize the name's importance to him.
I want to reach a compromise which satisfies us both. Calling the child by a nickname not at all related to the baby's name seems disorienting, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'd prefer a middle name which I could use, at least, but he wants Henry Louis VI. The natural nicknames from Henry and Louis are not appealing to me: Harry, Lou, Hank, Hal, Louie.
For the record? Henry Louis ____ VI makes me cringe. No, I don't think I could live with it
I say you give him a choice....he can pick one aspect of the name but not both. ie _______ louis or henry________ but not the full thing.
this is stupid. It takes 2 to make a baby, and it is just as much his as hers. Tradition is very important to some people. I don't see why this mom not liking the name is a good reason to put the kibosh on 100+ years of family tradition.
There was a similar thread a while back with a much worse (more old fashioned) name than this one. IIRC most posters said to go with tradition and come up with a good nickname.
Naming a baby something because someone else said so is STUPID.
OP...I know you are all happy and in love, but I tell every young women I meet to be prepared to be a single mother at some stage.
Most don't think it's an option but life has a funny way of turning out.
Imagine how you will feel if you have a kid to a guy you no longer even like, and have to rewrite that same name over and over on all of his school forms etc, for the rest of his childhood.
That sucks. Tradition should be broken. Asians never use the same name as they believe it will bring bad energy to name a baby after a dead person...I think they've got a point.
In all schools now kids are only called by the legal first name. My Angel is Lorenza at school. So your son will always be Henry at school. And maybe to his friends as well.
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Not true in my neck of the woods. Schools all called my son his preferred name, not his legal one.
Surely this subject came up when you were dating, or at the very least before you ever got pregnant?
Please don't tell me this is the first you've ever heard of your husbands expectation to continue his family tradition?
Youd be amazed how little sometimes people bring things up when dating sometimes. Also perhaps his father died and this might be a push to remember him which can alter someones desire for a name.
To add, it's not so much the name, but she shouldn't feel pressured into having choose a name if she doesn't like. Shame on the husband for not compromising.
I told my husband I would never have a Jr. Don't even try it. Hahaha!
Naming a baby something because someone else said so is STUPID.
OP...I know you are all happy and in love, but I tell every young women I meet to be prepared to be a single mother at some stage.
Most don't think it's an option but life has a funny way of turning out.
Imagine how you will feel if you have a kid to a guy you no longer even like, and have to rewrite that same name over and over on all of his school forms etc, for the rest of his childhood.
That sucks. Tradition should be broken. Asians never use the same name as they believe it will bring bad energy to name a baby after a dead person...I think they've got a point.
um, no. The "your body, your baby" thing is stupid. We're talking about a married couple who made a baby together. It isn't "hers" it is "theirs." Even if they split up, it is still just has much his as hers.
um, no. The "your body, your baby" thing is stupid. We're talking about a married couple who made a baby together. It isn't "hers" it is "theirs." Even if they split up, it is still just has much his as hers.
Exactly. So why does she have no say in it's name?
Youd be amazed how little sometimes people bring things up when dating sometimes. Also perhaps his father died and this might be a push to remember him which can alter someones desire for a name.
My point is, she knew this was important to him BEFORE she married him and got pregnant.
She should have considered negotiating this with him before either of those two things happened.
When you've got a family tradition that goes that many generations back it is cruel to be the one to break the tradition.
She needs to suck it up and find a good nickname she can use. Personally, I love Hank, but there are many others to choose from if she just puts her mind to it.
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