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I feel that any parents, sibling, or close family member would have had a hard time acting any differently if they were in the same situation. I can't even imagine the rage.
I knew of a couple who found out their next door neighbor was molesting their daughter for years.
What happened was, the couple would send their daughter next door for sleepovers because the girl next door was her friend and they were around the same age. The thing was, the father would molest their daughter whenever they had a sleepover.
These were Caucasian families in the well to do suburbs of California.
I knew of a couple who found out their next door neighbor was molesting their daughter for years.
What happened was, the couple would send their daughter next door for sleepovers because the girl next door was her friend and they were around the same age. The thing was, the father would molest their daughter whenever they had a sleepover.
These were Caucasian families in the well to do suburbs of California.
What I don't get is why the kids, especially as they get older, don't TELL someone.
What I don't get is why the kids, especially as they get older, don't TELL someone.
Well there's all sorts of reasons, but I think the one at the core of that issue is that kids know that if their parents find out, their parents will be absolutely crushed.
Kids don't want to inflict that kind of pain on their mothers or fathers.
What I don't get is why the kids, especially as they get older, don't TELL someone.
Shame probably plays a huge part. Fear that everyone is going to blame them, or think that they're the bad ones. Maybe even a false belief that THEY must have done something to cause this. Kids tend to blame themselves for any bad situation, this would be no exception. Also, it could be intimidation. Pedophiles are known to tell kids that "if you tell, everyone will hate YOU. If you tell, I'll kill your family. If you tell, you'll have to go to foster care and you'll never see your mom and dad again." Even an older child that's heard this drummed into their heads for years is going to believe it. It takes a great deal of strength and courage for any child to speak up and tell, no matter what age they are. There are adults that still don't like to talk about childhood abuse.
I don't know if I agree that the daughter will regard her father as a hero and cherish what he did. Watching your father beat someone to death has got to be a traumatic event.
I'm not so sure, from all the violence seen on TV and video games I'm sure kids today are acclimated to it.
If anything, her father saved her from a REAL traumatic experience which was molestation/rape.
Shame probably plays a huge part. Fear that everyone is going to blame them, or think that they're the bad ones. Maybe even a false belief that THEY must have done something to cause this. Kids tend to blame themselves for any bad situation, this would be no exception. Also, it could be intimidation. Pedophiles are known to tell kids that "if you tell, everyone will hate YOU. If you tell, I'll kill your family. If you tell, you'll have to go to foster care and you'll never see your mom and dad again." Even an older child that's heard this drummed into their heads for years is going to believe it. It takes a great deal of strength and courage for any child to speak up and tell, no matter what age they are. There are adults that still don't like to talk about childhood abuse.
Yep- a very common thing for pedophiles/abusers to do is to instill fear into their victims. They brainwash them into believing it's THEIR fault, and scare the kid into believing something very bad will happen if they tell, such as their families will be killed, they will be killed, etc. Stockholm Syndrome, I believe it's called.
Heck, look at Elizabeth Smart, the kidnapping victim. Her captors took her out in public, brought her to restaurants, etc. and she was far too scared to just say "I'm Elizabeth Smart. The missing girl from Utah." Why? Because they had instilled into her that her family would be killed and she would be raped more if she told anyone.
It really makes me sad we still have the "why the heck didn't they just tell someone? mentality. It's not easy for abuse victims to "just tell someone".
What I don't get is why the kids, especially as they get older, don't TELL someone.
There are a multitude of reasons why children don't tell. One is that we train our kids to be *obedient.* Often the abuser is someone they love. They are afraid if they tell that they will lose that person and that they will not be believed and thus they may lose the rest of their family as well.
Abusers know how to sense when a child is vulnerable to abuse. Children who are abused once become walking targets for other abusers, too. Children think that they permitted the abuse and that they should have been able to stop it. The abuser may threaten them with a loss of love or even the killing of their parents. In sexual abuse, the child's body may experience pleasure and this is very confusing. They know what happened is wrong, but their bodies still can be aroused.
Too many stories lately about sexual abuse; how many times does it go untold and unpunished?
I can understand the extreme anger that this father must have felt. Who knows? I might be capable of the same thing.
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