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that was her question. facebook or not. and attacking the OP is against the rules, for those of you that did that.
Let me clarify - functionally, it was about whether to sever the last form of communication she had with her daughter. Instead of doing so, she chose to address the problem and as I have mentioned several times, this seems to have yielded an increase in appropriate communication. I am familiar with the TOS and did not attack the OP at any point.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 07-28-2012 at 09:57 AM..
The daughter is 13. Whatever her difficulties or problematic behaviors are, someone needs to be the adult and it is not going to be the 13 year old. I think the OP did the right thing by explaining to her daughter why she didn't want to chat on fb rather than unfriending her. Apparently, that did get results - the OP spoke with her daughter and they are going to pursue some counseling together.
Correction. My dd will be 18 in October. She is fully aware of her actions.
Unless I missed it, still no mention of what DAD says about all this ... the daughter is living at his house after all.
Echos of Paul Harvey are ringing in my ears.
There were a few people asking about her dad and what he says about all this. Here goes...
Her father earns almost 50K a year. He has no other children to support. They are all grown and he never paid child support on any of them. BTW he only paid me child support for 2 years of the 10 that I had her in my FULL custody after the divorce. He never once chipped in a dime for anything. There was some cheating on his income during that time and Friend of the Court didn't enforce any punishment. (the cheating on income is another long story {that I don't have room or time to go into here} that I knew the details of but couldn't prove it).
When the flute was purchased in the first place, I asked him to pay for half of it then. He flat out told me no. She is living with me, so I pay for it. That was the answer I got any time I asked him for any money to pay for anything regarding my dd wants/needs. I had to take him to small claims court to make him pay for 1/2 of her braces. And then I took a garnishment of his tax refund to get that.
Before I placed the flute on Craigslist, I once again offered it to him. I was told by him that dd wasn't in band and wasn't going to be joining band again.
As for any other communication with him, I have tried in the past and all I EVER got was a grunt followed by him walking away. I've told him about our family counseling, gave him the counselors card and he never called to make an appointment or showed up for any pre-scheduled appointments. Told him about her failing grades in school and that if she doesn't pass she'll have to repeat the grade. As far as I know, nothing was done or said on his behalf. He has coached her on how to manipulate and lie to certain officials (school and family counselors) to get CPS involved and what to accuse my husband of to get him investigated by the police. (I was told all this by our family counselor). Up until the time my dd moved in with him, he pretty much had nothing to do with her. When she went to his house on the weekends, she spent her time with her step-mother and step sister. He is an over the road truck driver and is only home 2 days of the week. His ex-stepdaughter (he and his wife separated last Christmas) lives at his house and that's whose there with my dd while he is gone. The courts allow it because the stepdaughter is over 21. I went to the courts to explain all this and was told by the judge that because my dd is almost 18 and "making these kinds of accusations, whether false or not, #1 do you REALLY want her in the house with these threats around the younger children, #2 when she is 18 she can go where ever she wants. Is it really worth the fight?"
Does that answer your questions on what dad has to say about this? Am I going to get bashed some more?
[quote=jujub529;25408587]There were a few people asking about her dad and what he says about all this. Here goes...
Her father earns almost 50K a year. He has no other children to support. They are all grown and he never paid child support on any of them. BTW he only paid me child support for 2 years of the 10 that I had her in my FULL custody after the divorce. He never once chipped in a dime for anything. There was some cheating on his income during that time and Friend of the Court didn't enforce any punishment. (the cheating on income is another long story {that I don't have room or time to go into here} that I knew the details of but couldn't prove it).
When the flute was purchased in the first place, I asked him to pay for half of it then. He flat out told me no. She is living with me, so I pay for it. That was the answer I got any time I asked him for any money to pay for anything regarding my dd wants/needs. I had to take him to small claims court to make him pay for 1/2 of her braces. And then I took a garnishment of his tax refund to get that.
Before I placed the flute on Craigslist, I once again offered it to him. I was told by him that dd wasn't in band and wasn't going to be joining band again.
As for any other communication with him, I have tried in the past and all I EVER got was a grunt followed by him walking away. I've told him about our family counseling, gave him the counselors card and he never called to make an appointment or showed up for any pre-scheduled appointments. Told him about her failing grades in school and that if she doesn't pass she'll have to repeat the grade. As far as I know, nothing was done or said on his behalf. He has coached her on how to manipulate and lie to certain officials (school and family counselors) to get CPS involved and what to accuse my husband of to get him investigated by the police. (I was told all this by our family counselor). Up until the time my dd moved in with him, he pretty much had nothing to do with her. When she went to his house on the weekends, she spent her time with her step-mother and step sister. He is an over the road truck driver and is only home 2 days of the week. His ex-stepdaughter (he and his wife separated last Christmas) lives at his house and that's whose there with my dd while he is gone. The courts allow it because the stepdaughter is over 21. I went to the courts to explain all this and was told by the judge that because my dd is almost 18 and "making these kinds of accusations, whether false or not, #1 do you REALLY want her in the house with these threats around the younger children, #2 when she is 18 she can go where ever she wants. Is it really worth the fight?"
Does that answer your questions on what dad has to say about this? Am I going to get bashed some more?[/QUOTE
I feel for you. I'm fighting my ex (who has custody of my 14 yr old daughter) as well, so I can relate. You can push and push but the fact of the matter is, if they don't wanna do it, they're not gonna do it! I'm just glad my daughter and I don't have any issues between us. Funny, her dad is a former OTR trucker in Michigan too...weird coincidence...
Anyhow, I really gave you all I had with regards to your situation in my past post. I think you're doing all you can do to keep some sort of relationship with your almost 18 yr old girl. And hopefully after that day comes and she's no longer living at his home or under his influence, things between you two can get better and better.
I wish you the best. Just keep trying with your daughter, as much as you can reasonably do. I "lost" my mom for 6 yrs when I was involved with my ex (not my daughter's father) and it HURTS when you don't have your mom. My daughter tells me it hurts her sometimes that I'm not physically there. If I could move back to Michigan to be closer to her until she turns 18, I would do it in a heartbeat. But as a Michigander yourself, you know jobs there are very hard to come by!!
Please keep your chin up. Don't let anyone get you down. You know you, your daughter and your situation the best. No one else can say they know the "right" way or the "best" way. Only you know that! HUGS
Remember, your the adult. I have 2 teenagers, the kid in me, wants to literally fight them. Guess what, i cant because its a crime, i love them, i brought them into the world, and finally because i am their Dad. All parents get angry with their kids but parents must remember that when children are challenged with life, they remember how YOU the parent acted. I try hardest for my kids, not my flipping boss', because i want my children to have fond memories of me as a mentor, their guiding light and Dad!
Ok, you got it off your chest by crying complaining on city data like a spoiled girl...thats fine. Venting session is open here on city data...not to your child. Now its time to be parent!
Ok, you got it off your chest by crying complaining on city data like a spoiled girl...thats fine. Venting session is open here on city data...not to your child. Now its time to be parent![/quote]
Maybe that's exactly what it was. Getting it off my chest. Thanks.
There were a few people asking about her dad and what he says about all this. Here goes...
Her father earns almost 50K a year. He has no other children to support. They are all grown and he never paid child support on any of them. BTW he only paid me child support for 2 years of the 10 that I had her in my FULL custody after the divorce. He never once chipped in a dime for anything. There was some cheating on his income during that time and Friend of the Court didn't enforce any punishment. (the cheating on income is another long story {that I don't have room or time to go into here} that I knew the details of but couldn't prove it).
When the flute was purchased in the first place, I asked him to pay for half of it then. He flat out told me no. She is living with me, so I pay for it. That was the answer I got any time I asked him for any money to pay for anything regarding my dd wants/needs. I had to take him to small claims court to make him pay for 1/2 of her braces. And then I took a garnishment of his tax refund to get that.
Before I placed the flute on Craigslist, I once again offered it to him. I was told by him that dd wasn't in band and wasn't going to be joining band again.
As for any other communication with him, I have tried in the past and all I EVER got was a grunt followed by him walking away. I've told him about our family counseling, gave him the counselors card and he never called to make an appointment or showed up for any pre-scheduled appointments. Told him about her failing grades in school and that if she doesn't pass she'll have to repeat the grade. As far as I know, nothing was done or said on his behalf. He has coached her on how to manipulate and lie to certain officials (school and family counselors) to get CPS involved and what to accuse my husband of to get him investigated by the police. (I was told all this by our family counselor). Up until the time my dd moved in with him, he pretty much had nothing to do with her. When she went to his house on the weekends, she spent her time with her step-mother and step sister. He is an over the road truck driver and is only home 2 days of the week. His ex-stepdaughter (he and his wife separated last Christmas) lives at his house and that's whose there with my dd while he is gone. The courts allow it because the stepdaughter is over 21. I went to the courts to explain all this and was told by the judge that because my dd is almost 18 and "making these kinds of accusations, whether false or not, #1 do you REALLY want her in the house with these threats around the younger children, #2 when she is 18 she can go where ever she wants. Is it really worth the fight?"
Does that answer your questions on what dad has to say about this? Am I going to get bashed some more?
I seriously am not bashing you. But please don't confuse your anger with your ex (yes, he's a d!ck) with your daughter. Just because he hasn't paid CS or paid for half the flute is his issue. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this guy.
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