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I understand your want to know who is around your child and you imo have that right, you don't however, have the right to "inspect" her home. The more difficult you are regarding his visitation the more animosity there is between the two of you and that is not fair to your child.
As an FYI:
The idea that single mothers in Ohio always KEEP sole custody is FICTION. Once a father goes to court, if he wants shared parenting (sometimes referred to as joint custody or shared custody), except in extraordinary circumstances, he can usually get it. If the mother is unable to properly parent or unwilling to share the child, the father may end up being the sole residential parent and legal custodian of the child and the mother may end up with visitation. It is a myth that unmarried fathers can only get visitation.
You might want the think about the above and try and work things out and not be so demanding because if he decides to take you to court you will both be on equal in the courts eyes and no preferance will be given to you as the mother.
Does the Court favor mothers over fathers when making a custody determination?
Under Ohio law, in cases of unmarried parents, once a father has establish paternity and files a complaint to allocate parental rights and responsibilities, a mother and father stand on equal footing. This means that the Court cannot give preference to the mother when determining who will be the residential parent and legal custodian of the child.
I can understand your frustration and concern for your daughter and I don't blame you.
I do disagree with your not demanding child support from your childs father. Every child DESERVES to be taken care of and EVERY parent should be required to support their child. If you don't need the child support you could put the money in a college fund, etc.
I think any man who doesn't support his child financially isn't a real father, so I side with the OP in that I wouldn't really be giving him a lot of leeway in dictating how his visitations happen.
The obligation to pay child support has nothing to do legally with the right to visitation. However, it sounds like in OH, one of the parents would have to go to court, have paternity established, and get a court order delineating custody and visitation, and unless that happens, the OP gets to call the shots.
Ohio, are you receiving any public assistance/Medicaid?food stamps? If so, the state of OH may file for CS from the father to recoup some of what they have paid to you/your daughter. I also agree with the poster who said that you should file for CS. It is his legal obligation to support his child. Every state has the public policy that a child needs two parents supporting her when possible -- this is your daughter's right.
It seems likely that part of the reason the OP is willing to let child support slide is that it would motivate him to seek visitation. That would expose her child to overnights in filthy places with sketchy people. I doubt this guy will go to court unless the OP initiates it.
I'd be inclined to continue to meet up in public places on his terms, so there's contact with the father, but it's controlled and as safe as possible. I know it's not fair for him to get to play at parenting, but the alternative is to expose the daughter to risk and possible harm. The daughter does have the moral right to paternal support, but she also has a right to be safe.
Given that the dad is already living in a home with dog feces on the floor, I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to see if the GF's house is sanitary before allowing her daughter to visit. Especially if she has asthma! In fact if there are any pets at all she probably shouldn't be visiting there. And the fact that dad says "no" makes me think there probably is something wrong with GF's place of residence.
He needs to step up to the plate here, if he really wanted to see his child he would have already filed for visitation etc.. Sometimes it's better to leave sleeping dogs lie.
OhioChic - If you don't need the child support you could put the money in a college fund, etc.
That's what my sister did for her daughter. When daughter didn't want to go to college, then sister held on to it until an opportunity presented itself. When daughter got married and was ready to buy a house, my sister gave her the money.
Sounds like a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I agree that you can't demand to meet and interview his girlfriend, see her home, and give your approval, yet have a boyfriend yourself that you allow around HIS daughter and he has no say so. On the other hand, I understand wanting to feel comfortable that your baby is safe and cared for when she is away from you. If I were in your shoes, if I seriously felt he wasn't taking care of my baby properly, if he was around anything illegal or anybody "sketchy," and if his home was a true health hazard, I would file for child support and court ordered visitation. All those things would be taken into consideration by the courts, and a judgment based on that. If it was just a case of being a little possessive, or resentful, or whatever the case may be, then it wouldn't be worth going to court for. It would be easier just to try to compromise as best as you can. From what you describe, I would take him to court. It doesn't sound like he cares enough to really put up a fight.
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