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you need to find out what the laws are in Ohio. If he has no rights to her because you weren't married, does that also mean he's off the hook for child support?
And please stop using real names on the internet. It is just not safe.
Forget the courts....The father may be unsavory to you- but you mated with him...and he is the only father the child will have- Keep it simple...Tell the guy you expect only two things from him....One- to love his child...Two..that he protect the child...That's it...If you make fatherhood unpleasant..fathers go south....any woman who wants to involve strangers (courts) in the life of her child- herself - and the father is a fool...These authorities are not your friends..To bad you did not have a relationship with the father....
Love the father....be patient...as for his sex life...the guy is young...and does not know any better. Never separate a parent from a child....In the long run the bio-father is the only real father- Unless this guy is totally stupid...and a write off ..then and only them do you get rid of him- I assume that there must be something good about him or you would never have slept with him...Good luck- and please don't turn into on of those jerks who allows the courts to control you life...YOU control your life.
you need to find out what the laws are in Ohio. If he has no rights to her because you weren't married, does that also mean he's off the hook for child support?
And please stop using real names on the internet. It is just not safe.
With old tough guys like me it does not matter much....cos' I can be traced with a simple Google....What I write I am responsible for.... If there are young children involved...stay private...There are freaks out there.....
"Does not mean he's off the hook for child support".................Bad attitude...HOOK..? Nawh...You get the best results with honey and not vinegar. If you had a child together- that is marriage...What I do not understand is why it is so common these days for young people to have a child together and not be together? Why don't people work together? I - even as a younger man could never walk away and not be with my own child...People make their beds...they should sleep in them..
Having raised four children...and never formally getting married - worked out just fine...I spent 27 years with the same woman...and the kids are all now fine adults...In the early years she got this idea that I could be one of those loser weekend dads...and do the support thing....No way...I did not have a child to be some distant chump sitting in the drive way waiting to pick up the kid....She did manage to kick me out once...but I wanted and needed to be with my kids...I weaseled my way back into the house and stayed for the next two decades......The kids are grown....I have a warm and friendly relationship with the mother...but I don't have to live with her anymore.....I DID MY JOB.
One thing I note here. There is a disconnect between the title of this thread "Should I keep trying to make him be a Dad" and the content in which it seems he is interested in seeing her. Does eh WANT to be a Dad? If the answer is no, if you are pressuring him to be in her life, then leave off. If you are coercing or cajoling him, in the long run there is no benefit to your dd IMO. Let him fade away and all your issues wrt his lifestyle choices fade away.
If he WANTS to be in her life, then it is in HER best interest that you facilitate that. It will be royally difficult to determine when to interject and when to leave him alone. He sounds, frankly, like a disgusting pig of a human being. But alas he is her father. It is what it is. Your guiding principle should be does this decision impact the safety of my child. If the answer is no, you Leave It Alone. If you attempt to micromanage or place a wedge, it will server your daughter no good purpose. In the end, years from now, it will bite YOU in the butt. I am a good deal older than you. I have seen it a thousand times.
Wow. There are so many things wrong with this post that I don't know where to begin. But here we go.
1) He's the father of the child and has rights, regardless of who he's dating. Unless he is endangering the life of the child you really don't get to tell him where he takes his daughter or who's with him.
2) If he goes to court, especially if he's paying child support, you'll lose every time. Instead of paying out thousands in legal fees and generating a bunch of ill-will because you're wanting to be spiteful, be the bigger person and let the father of your child see his daughter?
I agree with this. Especially point number 1.
I have a friend who's ex wife won't allow their daighter around his girlfriend or at her house (great woman and a very nice house) out of spite and immaturity.
He and the girlfriend live together.
Without getting long winded this is doing a lot of damage to the little girl.
The best thing to do if you really want to deal with all this is to go to court and establish legal paternity, child support payments through the courts and legal visitation at an approved location. Otherwise leave it alone and hope he goes away when he tires of the new game. You cannot force someone to be a dad even if they are the donor.
One thing I note here. There is a disconnect between the title of this thread "Should I keep trying to make him be a Dad" and the content in which it seems he is interested in seeing her. Does eh WANT to be a Dad? If the answer is no, if you are pressuring him to be in her life, then leave off. If you are coercing or cajoling him, in the long run there is no benefit to your dd IMO. Let him fade away and all your issues wrt his lifestyle choices fade away.
If he WANTS to be in her life, then it is in HER best interest that you facilitate that. It will be royally difficult to determine when to interject and when to leave him alone. He sounds, frankly, like a disgusting pig of a human being. But alas he is her father. It is what it is. Your guiding principle should be does this decision impact the safety of my child. If the answer is no, you Leave It Alone. If you attempt to micromanage or place a wedge, it will server your daughter no good purpose. In the end, years from now, it will bite YOU in the butt. I am a good deal older than you. I have seen it a thousand times.
This was my question as well.
If he WANTS to be a dad and be part of his daughters life then you need to facilitate that properly and help him do it while preserving your daughters safety and interests. Somebodynew gave good advice on how to pick your battles in that situation.
If you are FORCING/CAJOLING him into being a part of her life then stop and let him fade away. The only parent worse then an absent parent is one who is forced to be a parent. That never ends well, mainly for the child.
Sorry, but I'd want to know who was around my child, and that it was safe conditions for him to be around as well, and I would expect any responsible parent to do the same.
I agree texantodd, but at the same time you gotta remember this man (the father of the child) was good enough for her/and baby before they split up wasn't he?..Sounds more like a control issue to me.
I looked through your public album and your daughter is a cutie. My son is literally 7 days older than her. It's kind of funny.
Second:
You can't "make" him do anything. You can attempt to make him pay child support(although there are ways for him to get around it), you can give him access to his daughter as much as possible(though he can say "no" and not step up). That's the extent of what you can do. And I think you need to do both(file child support and allow him to see his daughter).
1. He helped you make this baby, and at one point you two were in a relationship together. If he is man enough to put his seed in you, and stick with you the entire pregnancy, then I see no reason as to why he can't be a man and take care of his responsibilities. He OWES his daughter that money. Even if you don't need it, your daughter deserves it. If he goes to jail because he chooses not to pay it, so be it.
2. Your daughter will get older. And she will want to know who her father is(even if you are still with Jabari and he raises her as his own). What you DON'T want, is for your daughter to find out that her father tried to be in her life but you denied it. What you don't want is to be a part of NOT giving your daughter every advantage she could possibly have(which includes knowing her father and having him in her life). So YES you should let him see his daughter, in a safe, clean, place. If he chooses not to, and decides not to be in her life, that is another story and that is beyond your control. But I agree with the others: file child support, let her see her dad.
Is your ex-boyfriend's name on the birth certificate? As the father of this baby he has rights. He should be paying child support. You probably need to take him to court (you don't have to have a lawyer, you can represent yourself) and get child support set and get a parenting plan in place. Tha will lay out his visitation. It sounds like his mother's home is unfit. Winter is coming and they need to go somewhere to be warm and out of the elements. I don't think you have a right to go to her home and inspect it. I do understand you maybe wanting to meet his girlfriend, although that will be awkward. How many times can you go to the playground in McDonalds or to the mall with a 13 mo. old. I think the girlfriends house makes sense.
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