Mom having "Me time"

[Mattie]

Originally Posted by steelstress

You've completely missed the point of the thread. Surprised at you.

No one is saying to tell your friends how to "proceed with their lives." How did you get to that place? Giving your friend a heads up that they're wandering into a less than stellar place in their kids' minds is doing them a favor. What's so hard to understand about that? I didn't say anything about telling your friends what to do. Again... how did you get to that place? Go back and read it again.

And another thing... who said anything about being parented 24/7? She drops out of sight for several days at a time and no one could find her. Come the day that something happens to one of the kids, and mom is needed for consent for anything, it may prove to be too late, even if the grandparents are there. It sounds like they can't reach her either.

And what does your parents leaving you with your gp's have to do with this? Your gp's obviously knew where your parents were and how to contact them in the event of an emergency. Apples and oranges. Try again.

I haven't missed the point at all. The OP is wondering if she should say something to her friend. It might be appropriate to let her know the kids have been calling her to find out where their mother is, but that's where it ends. The children haven't been abandoned, they are under the supervision of their grandparents, as I and my siblings were. There hasn't been any mention of those grandparents attempting to reach her, so I must assume there was no emergency.

Hardly apples and oranges. My parents traveled in and out of the country leaving my elderly grandmother in charge. I'm sure she had the name of their destination hotel, but that's it.

I personally think parents should wait until their divorce is finalized, and their kids have adjusted with the resulting upheaval in their lives, but that's just my opinion. There is no way to say that to a friend without coming across as judgmental.

[Momma_bear]

I agree with all of you who say she should let her kids know how to reach her. However, I really don't think that leaving her kids with their grandparents for three overnights in six weeks is any big deal unless the grandparents don't want to watch them.

[steelstress]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

Maybe you should reread it again.

"she leaves them Saturday afternoon and doesnt return until late Sunday night "

That's one overnight, NOT "several days at a time".

And they are with responsible adults.

I have let my daughter with her grandmother for 4 weeks once and been out of communication for almost that entire time. It wasn't irresponsible either.

I bet your kids and grandmother could find you.

Next time, make a point.

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by steelstress

I bet your kids and grandmother could find you.

Next time, make a point.

You would lose that bet.

I was aboard a research vessel in the gulf of mexico. Due to the overwhelming boat traffic at the well head ship to shore calls were not going through even in an emergency. We got emails only sporadically and I was out of contact completely for far more than the ONE NIGHT the mother in the OP was.

All of which is why I left another responsible adult in charge, my mother. EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THIS MOTHER DID. Parenting does not mean being available every moment of every day. It never has. What it does mean is making sure your children are in the care of a responsible person.

Just because you don't understand a point doesn't mean it isn't there.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

You would lose that bet.

I was aboard a research vessel in the gulf of mexico. Due to the overwhelming boat traffic at the well head ship to shore calls were not going through even in an emergency. We got emails only sporadically and I was out of contact completely for far more than the ONE NIGHT the mother in the OP was.

All of which is why I left another responsible adult in charge, my mother. EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THIS MOTHER DID. Parenting does not mean being available every moment of every day. It never has. What it does mean is making sure your children are in the care of a responsible person.

Just because you don't understand a point doesn't mean it isn't there.

I guess I agree with you. If you are going to leave your kids with someone, presumably they are capable of handling anything that comes up. Preferably they would not have to. My original opinion was based on the OP saying that she was gone for the weekend. That sounded like all weekend to me. Not Sat afternoon till Sunday.

[Flamingomo]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

Really there are lots of parents who have grandparents watch the kids overnight once a week. That's all this is. WHAT the mother is doing overnight is none of our or even the friends business. The OP probably should mention that one of the children was trying to contact mom but that's it.

These children were not abandoned, they have appropriate care, and while it is not what I would choose to do personally I and everyone else here including the OP have no right to judge a woman when she is leaving her children in appropriate care.

^^^EXACTLY. My parents went overseas at least three or four times while I was growing up and I was left with my older siblings to take care of me. Never had a problem. They certainly didn't abandon me, nor would I ever think that. The 15 year old sounds super selfish and needy if you ask me, if they have to call their mommy as soon as she leaves the house or call her friend to see if they know where she is. Leave the woman alone for god's sake. She earned some time alone.

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

So the grandparents were watching the kids three nights in six weeks? I guess I don't see that as a big deal. You might encourage her oldest to talk to her about being out of touch but being gone three out of about 40 nights doesn't seem like a big deal.

^^^EXACTLY.

Originally Posted by Jasper03

That's not mommy time that's abandoment.

^^^HARDLY. They were left with two responsible adults. End of story. My husband and I went to California for four days and left my two oldest kids with my sister. Did we abandon them? Nope. You know why? We came back.

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

She left her kids with her parents for slightly more than 24 hours, three times in six weeks. According to the OP she leaves Sat afternoon and returns Sunday night. Lots of people do this. My MIL or father have watched my kids for longer periods than overnight.

I think you might be over reacting a little bit. The kids were left with their grandparents. She should probably tell the kids she is going away instead of just doing it, but other than that she's not exactly leaving them abandoned for days on end.

^^^YEP.

Originally Posted by beachmel

Yes, I am overreacting...LOL...but it does infuriate me that the woman doesn't have the decency to let her children know what's going on. Let's face it, you can bet she'd expect the same courtesy from them, yes? Setting this type of example can only backfire. Oh well....:-)

^^^ I know I would not let my underage children know that I was out sleeping with a man other than their dad. That would be just weird. And how do we know the grandparents don't know where she is and they have just chosen not to tell the kids because it may upset them?

Yes, she should always have her phone on, or at least let her parents have the boyfriend's number as well in case of emergency, which they might have, but she certainly deserves to have some time to herself once in awhile. I have had none in over 12 years. ZERO. Unless you count driving to work or being in the shower and even then its questionable. I crave some me time, just me, no hubby, no kids, no one, just me, and truly it is good for the soul and everyone needs a break now and then. I wish I could go away overnight and not tell anyone.