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My 7 year old has been hearing about Urban Legends at school from some of her friends. It started with Bloody Mary, she was curious and so unknown to us she snuck on the computer and googled urban legends and read an article about the 10 scariest ones.
She mentioned on e called the Clown Statue legend to me at lunch the other day, and said that the clown in the story was actually a "sexual predator" and killer the police were after.. I was like Whoa- I asked her if she knew what that meant, where she had heard that term etc .
We have already had the talk about good/bad touching , who is allowed to see her naked , what to do if someone tries to get her into a car etc etc. She said she didn't know what it meant so I explained that it was someone who hurt people and when she asked like how (where) I said in their private areas/bad touching . She came clean about the google search and said she had told her friends about the clown story re the babysitter/scary statue and parents telling her to get out and call police but not the bottom part explaining what parts where true where it mentioned those words.
I immediately put on strict parental controls on the computer she had been on, leaving her 4 kid game icons but not much else and took away priviledges for now.
My husband is away on business so my daughter and I were over having easter dinner with my family (parents, sisters, Brother in law) and she was telling my sister about the scary clown story but this time she did mention he was actually a sexual predator, when asked if she knew what that meant, she said it was someone who hurts kids and does bad touching with them. My family was rather shocked to hear her say what she did to say the least. I explained what had happened and left it at that and we enjoyed a nice evening
The next day I get a phonecall from my sister saying my BIL is no longer comfortable being alone with my daughter and therefore can no longer pick her up at school or spend time with her when I am working and my husband is away,. I said I didn't understand what she meant and she it was because of what my child had said. That if she ever said those words at school and we was seen picking her up then he was worried he might would be suspected of something and this was just a precaution. I was shocked and offended.
I love my BIL , he is my childs favoriute uncle and they have spend time together alone many times , he takes her fishing and they live down the street from her school so he has always helped out when asked. My sister tried to assure me that they love me and my daughter, nothing has changed, she is still welcome to sleepover etc and spend time with them, but only when my sister is home.
I am feeling VERY hurt about this. I think its a very long stretch -the possibility of my daughter repeating 'sexual predator" at school and the fact her uncle picks her up from school now and then and him having to deal with being accused sort of a severe reaction.
My sister says they know she would never accuse him of anything, he just doesn't want to take any chances and that its unfortunate in todays society that you have to think like that and take care of yourself and do what you have to do and that i don;t have to understand it, but he shouldn't have to do anythng that doesn't make him feel comfortable, that I should just respect the way he feels and not make a big family issue of it
I was so upset I hung up on my sister, I mean we are family and we are talking about a 7 yr old who read something she didn't understand and repeated it. I have since sat her down and told her that is not something you go around sharing, that the site she was on was not for children her age to be on and that she is not to be telling those stories to her friends or anyone else becasue its not appropriate
I have known my BIL for 30 years and I love him and he has been good to my family and my parents. I had to make new arrangements for today because I work passed 3pm and BIL was no longer willing to pick up daughter so my dad is doing it and they wanted to know why. My parents don't understand it, my dad isn't worried about picking up my daughter and I think my husband is going to be very upset when he gets back and I have to tell him about it. To be honest I feel uncomfortable knowing my BIL thinks that way and it makes me sad for my daughter who will now be supervised by my sister if she wants to her Uncle.
I cannot guarantee my 7 yr old will never say "sexual predator" again . I could go to the school and speak to her teacher and show her a printout of the clown story it came from in case it ever was an issue. Maybe I am niave but I would like to think the school prinicpal would ask my daughter where she heard the words before they jumped to conclusion that any man she was in contact was a possible pedofile.
How would you feel if it was your child /family member? Would you be offended? I had a hard time sleeping the past 2 nights over it. I just feel sick whenever I think about it.
Thanks for listening
Okay - the brother in law doesn't want to pick your daughter up because she mentioned googling a sexual predator urban legend on the internet.
That is beyond odd. I would suspect there is a lot more skin on this onion. Either he has a real problem and it hit a nerve (even if he controlls it) or he really doesn't like picking your daughter up/etc.
If some young niece told me about a clown sexual predator and bad touching I would of never thought to make a connection to that story and myself. . . .
I would not be offended if this were my BIL.
How would you feel if your BIL was suspected of a crime he didn't commit because some vindictive parent, teacher, lunch lady, whatever, "thought" they heard your daughter say "something" while he was picking her up?
I agree with your sister's comment that it is indeed sad that we have to take such precautions. But "it is what it is".
I also think your BIL's situation is temporary. At some point your daughter will be old enough where the risk of her saying something that could be misinterpreted is low.
I cannot guarantee my 7 yr old will never say "sexual predator" again .
To me, this is the real problem. ^^^
Yes, your BIL's reaction is unusual, but you cannot control that. He obviously has his reasons for his decision, but right now I would leave that off my list of things to worry about.
Your daughter has NO CLUE what she is talking about because she has seen something that is not quite appropriate for her age. She doesn't know she needs a filter. That's obvious by the way she just brought it up at a family gathering. You are lucky, actually, that "urban legends" is the only thing she Googled.
But that horse is out of the barn, as they say.
So you've set parental controls, which is good. Now you need to downplay the situation with your daughter.
Your reaction to this situation is VERY important. Do not ramp up her fascination with the topic by having more serious talks with her. The more emphasis and importance you give to these "urban legends," the more power she will feel when telling the story to others. And she will continue to tell it to anyone who hasn't heard it.
Instead, make her understand the power of discretion by letting her know that this topic is NOT ok for some "little kids" (as if she is not one), and that she needs to DROP IT.
If she continues to blab, then the appropriate punishment (for disobeying) is in order.
I like to read non-fiction books and some of those have to do with how our criminal justice system works (does not work).
It is quite common for someone to be accused of something he/she did not do. When DNA testing came along, that was proven - many innocent people were in jail for something they did not do!
Furthermore, some prosecutors ONLY care about winning their cases. They may know someone is innocent, yet proceed full speed to convict the person! (Makes that prosecutor look good.)
Back to DNA testing, some prosecutors will not allow convicted people in jail (convicted years ago before DNA testing) to be DNA tested now to prove their innocence! This is incredible to say the least.
Anyway that is the way things work. Also any mention of any sort of abuse and officials will call the cops. There was a case in California many years ago where the cops hauled off EVERY teacher at a day care because of an accusation by a mentally ill mother. They even hauled off an old lady teacher who was in a wheel chair! It was a modern day witch hunt.
Anyway your BIL is making a wise decision. I think the best way to protect yourself from these sorts of accusations is to always have another adult present (a witness). Or a video camera in the car recording what is going on (what is not going on).
Also look at the reply above suggesting there may be a problem with your BIL? Well there you go! People are quick to jump to conclusions without any evidence - all to do with sensational TV news stories.
Yes, your BIL's reaction is unusual, but you cannot control that. He obviously has his reasons for his decision, but right now I would leave that off my list of things to worry about.
Your daughter has NO CLUE what she is talking about because she has seen something that is not quite appropriate for her age. She doesn't know she needs a filter. That's obvious by the way she just brought it up at a family gathering. You are lucky, actually, that "urban legends" is the only thing she Googled.
But that horse is out of the barn, as they say.
So you've set parental controls, which is good. Now you need to downplay the situation with your daughter.
Your reaction to this situation is VERY important. Do not ramp up her fascination with the topic by having more serious talks with her. The more emphasis and importance you give to these "urban legends," the more power she will feel when telling the story to others. And she will continue to tell it to anyone who hasn't heard it.
Instead, make her understand the power of discretion by letting her know that this topic is NOT ok for some "little kids" (as if she is not one), and that she needs to DROP IT.
If she continues to blab, then the appropriate punishment (for disobeying) is in order.
I cannot fathom punishing a young child for this? Don't we want out children to know about the dangers of predators and want them to talk to us? I personally never would have punished her in the first place, OP.
Seven year olds can be victims of predators. This is absolutely an appropriate topic for her. I have absolutely no idea why someone would think otherwise. Because it deals with sex? It is so important for us to protect our children as well as not making topics like this taboo for them. Punishment equals shame. Continue punishing and you risk shutting down communication between you and your child on one of the most important topics.
It sounds like your daughter is having a hard time processing what she read. While this topic in itself is important to discuss, she unfortunately read some scary stories that are too much for her. She needs to talk through this, maybe multiple times, with you and your husband. I would be open and comforting, but also be truthful. Talk again about inappropriate touching and that she can tell you anything, no matter who the adult or child is. Maybe find some books in age appropriate sex ed to read together. Ask her if she has any questions. Let her be honest and exploring with you. She googled it because she was curious; show her by your actions that when she is curious, she can come to you and you will be honest and open with her. This way, you can provide her satisfaction for her curiosity while controlling how she hears about something.
There are no off topic conversations in our house, and there never will be. I don't think it encourages communication to shut children down and tell them they are bad for talking about something.
As to your BIL, he is way overreacting. But you cannot control him. I would tell your daughter that your conversations on this topic are private and between you and her. But frankly, I wouldn't shush my child to make an adult comfortable, especially with a topic that is critical to their well being. You are all family, and I don't understand why he's being so sensitive about it unless your family is not openly communicative?
So, I would just make other arrangements for her care. There's really nothing you can do when the decision is his.
I think the BIL is being ridiculous. Yes, it does happen that people get accused of things they did not do, BUT it isn't that commonplace. To let something that MIGHT, and probably WON'T happen negatively affect your relationship with a child you care about is just stupid. I mean, even if the little girl did happen to utter the words "sexual predator" at school, then "someone" noticed the uncle picking her up, what exactly could come of that? Unless she goes around saying "my uncle is a sexual predator," what is anybody going to do? She explained very articulately to both her mother and the rest of the family exactly where and how she got that phrase...I'm pretty sure she could do the same if anyone else asked.
Has he been accused of sexually abusing children before? Most people would never think twice about such a thing. But if it were me, I would let him know how dumb he is for being willing to miss out on a relationship with his own niece because of what someone "might" say. And it would definitely change the way I felt about him and his wife as well.
I'd ask my daughter why she snuck onto the computer to look this up instead of just asking me. Because there could be two problems: 1) She feels she can't ask you about these things 2) She'd rather be sneaky than ask Mom. (Sneaky doesn't necessarily equal bad. It can also mean smart and curious.) Just think about the fact she went behind your back to get this info.
I'd also have a talk with daughter about what's appropriate conversation in different situations. A seven year old suddenly bringing up sexual predators would make me say, Whoa. It could be the most innocent thing in the world but better to let her know the limits of what is called "polite conversation" now. Because if she mentioned it at the dinner table she could mention it in the carpool lane. "There's my uncle. We were talking about sexual predators at Easter!" Kids say nutty stuff all the time and there are a lot of people out there who just love to jump to conclusions.
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Don't we want out children to know about the dangers of predators and want them to talk to us? I personally never would have punished her in the first place, OP. 
