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Old 05-21-2013, 06:04 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 857,552 times
Reputation: 343

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I didn't think she'd be that enthusiastic and the flowers were an attempt to be romantic

 
Old 05-21-2013, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,955,675 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I didn't think she'd be that enthusiastic and the flowers were an attempt to brown-nose my wife so she would not freak out on me and I would not have to deal with her anger and disrespect.
There, I fixed it for you.
 
Old 05-21-2013, 06:48 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,176,449 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
We just got back from a session (he and I. I took the day off) and he got really active in the conversation. Firstly though, the counselor suggested taking her out to dinner seeing as how it works for my son. My son begged her to go but she declined, saying that it is a scam. He’s sick of us fighting (as am I). He misses the way things used to be when he was younger. He started talking about divorce and spoke of his worries. I would tell her what he said but she wouldn’t believe. I wouldn’t feel right having the whole “ tell your mom what you said” talk, I feel that he needs to decide if he wants to tell her. He absolutely hates the way she acts around me and wished she were there to hear it and wishes he could do something.
I told him I realize I wasn’t the best role model (having a kid at 18 married at 19) or father (being gone at ND and not being 100% until he was around 6.) I notice that when she gets mad at me, he pulls away from her. The last thing he said was possibly just having the 3 of us sit down and talk it out or locking her and I in a room and make us talk. I doubt she would go for that.
We went to breakfast/early lunch afterwards. I asked him how he felt about living on his own away from all of this turmoil. He said he’d get there eventually but he still enjoys living at home. I told him I was behind him 100 percent as far as jobs and education goes and I’m proud of him for having goals. His mom is getting jealous; she barrages him with questions when we come home“ How was the session? How was dinner? Where’d you go? What’d you talk about?” He doesn’t like that and pretends to be tired and starts yawning. I know it’s fake because he gets jacked up on soda and blares the Eminem Show on the way home and somehow magically gets tired within 30 seconds of his mom talking to him. She falls for it and tells him “ You need to rest, you look tired. She started lecturing me about traumatizing him and asked if I was mean to him during sessions . I told her he was ok and she rolled her eyes and proceeded to tell me how delicate he is.
She barrages him with questions because she thinks you two are talking about her. My MIL does that, but the difference here is, your wife is invited to come and be a part of the conversation. She chose not to. at the flowers.
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:05 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 857,552 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
There, I fixed it for you.
Even if I didn't get the flowers, how could she react to an invite to dinner in an angry or disrespectful way?
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:26 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 857,552 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
She barrages him with questions because she thinks you two are talking about her. My MIL does that, but the difference here is, your wife is invited to come and be a part of the conversation. She chose not to. at the flowers.
The thing is that we don't talk about her
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:28 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,176,449 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
The thing is that we don't talk about her
She'd know that if she went.
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,955,675 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
Even if I didn't get the flowers, how could she react to an invite to dinner in an angry or disrespectful way?
How could she do any of the stuff she does?
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:35 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 857,552 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
She'd know that if she went.
I don't she'll ever go. If she won't go, even after the kid( who she adores) begs her, than she'll never go
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:38 PM
 
7,743 posts, read 15,874,077 times
Reputation: 10457
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I don't she'll ever go. If she won't go, even after the kid( who she adores) begs her, than she'll never go
And here you are, trying to rekindle the "romance" in your relationship... with a woman who won't even work on fixing the severe communication problem you guys have. As long you have that refusal to fix the problem, you'll never get the romance rekindled.
 
Old 05-21-2013, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,955,675 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I don't she'll ever go. If she won't go, even after the kid( who she adores) begs her, than she'll never go
It makes sense that she doesn't want to go because she will only hear about things she has to change, and she does not want to change because she (thinks she) benefits greatly from the set-up you have now.

Her going to therapy will mean she also thinks something is wrong, she wants to change it, and she is willing to make the necessary behavioral and attitude adjustments to improve your relationship.

She is not willing to admit any of those.
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