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They broke up, father intends to be in the picture (OP,correct me if I'm wrong).
Family found a way to make it work for daughter not to move out.
No. You're correct
Daughter went to speak with her employer yesterday. She told her that it's her fault that she had to cut her hours because she "ran" out for a week!!! My father in law died and they live quite far. Gee, I'm so sorry it couldn't be more convenient for her boss.
There are times that I lose faith in humanity. This is one of them.
She will find a new and better job after the baby is born, I'm sure.
But this doesn't help her with money right now. At least she's not moved out and worrying about how to pay rent.
Daughter went to speak with her employer yesterday. She told her that it's her fault that she had to cut her hours because she "ran" out for a week!!! My father in law died and they live quite far. Gee, I'm so sorry it couldn't be more convenient for her boss.
There are times that I lose faith in humanity. This is one of them.
She will find a new and better job after the baby is born, I'm sure.
But this doesn't help her with money right now. At least she's not moved out and worrying about how to pay rent.
Thanks to you and steel for the info. This thread is so long and I posted in here many moons ago but have thought a lot of this situation.
Geez, even when I worked at McDonald's they allowed for bereavement leave. What an arse.
I'm sorry about the death in your family, but I feel this needs to be said since you feel indignant about what happened.
Since your daughter is supposed to grow up and be responsible for raising her child on her own, this was a lesson that needed to be learned. She can no longer view her jobs as unimportant part time jobs like most students do. Every company has different rules for bereavement leave. Some only extend it to immediate family members. Some only allow a day or two. Part time employees' days are often prorated, meaning they get half the time off full time employees get.
Since your daughter is an adult who needs to financially support herself, she didn't need to go on the week long trip, even for a funeral, because she doesn't have a job with vacation that allows for her to take off extra days. If she was living on her own, missing a week's pay would have been financially devastating. It's a sad truth that she will need to make these types of sacrifices in her life now. Her living at home shouldn't change the decisions she would make if she was living on her own.
Chances are this boss is only using this as an excuse and it was really discrimination, but it's not uncommon for young adults to be fired via reduction of hours (that's how they run people they don't want out without outright firing them) for missing even one day's work.
While it's awful she lost her job, it's a good thing it happened now than later when she's a single parent living on her own. You're not helping her learn that lesson by acting like she was ill treated. Your saying "Gee, I'm so sorry it couldn't be more convenient for her boss" indicates that you're not treating your daughter was an independent adult with serious responsibilities. You're still viewing her as an extension of your family with the luxuries that go along with that.
Honestly I would say the same thing if it were my boss or anyone else's.
We've gotten so far away from the importance of family since the recession. I think people need to take a step back and realize that at the end of the day, your family is what you really have in life. Nothing else has that kind of stability.
He was sick and we chose to go see him. Dd stayed behind to not miss work which was the responsible thing to do. The death was not something to be helped at all. There wasn't a choice of timing there.
I understand what you're saying though. Yes, I'm feeling like a protective mom right now. She's a nanny for a stay at home mom and she went and spoke with her again. The woman put her up to 20 hours a week now which is better but not what it was. I am proud of her for standing up for herself and going and talking to her.
Half of the stuff I post in here I don't say to her. I'm trying to remain calm and see how she takes responsibility for things and simply guide when she asks questions, but hey, I need to vent sometimes too!
This thread has been perfect for that.
Honestly I would say the same thing if it were my boss or anyone else's.
We've gotten so far away from the importance of family since the recession. I think people need to take a step back and realize that at the end of the day, your family is what you really have in life. Nothing else has that kind of stability.
He was sick and we chose to go see him. Dd stayed behind to not miss work which was the responsible thing to do. The death was not something to be helped at all. There wasn't a choice of timing there.
I understand how you feel; however, as a single mother with limited income, her importance of family standards need to be different from yours. With one income, especially a limited income, her priority needs to be her employment---even for funerals if she can't afford the time off to attend. That's the life she has now. You want her to be fully responsible for raising this child without your financial help. You can't have it both ways by having family expectations that interfere with her ability to support herself. See how that "importance of family" doesn't jive here? Your daughter should take a financial hit for the grandfather's unexpected funeral, but you shouldn't take a financial hit for the unplanned grandchild.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719
I understand what you're saying though. Yes, I'm feeling like a protective mom right now. She's a nanny for a stay at home mom and she went and spoke with her again. The woman put her up to 20 hours a week now which is better but not what it was. I am proud of her for standing up for herself and going and talking to her.
She's not getting all of the hours back because her boss is hiring and training another nanny to take over full time when your daughter has her baby. This isn't a job she will be going back to afterwards until she finds a new one unless the boss ends up not liking the new nanny. She may continue to work two nannies at once after the baby is born to ensure she has coverage but it all depends on how things work out with the new nanny. Your daughter missing a week for the funeral made her feel your daughter won't likely be reliable after the baby is born.
I agree that in her situation, she probably should not have taken a week off from work without it being approved first - and if she chose to do so, then she chose that because she knew she could fall back on family and the time with her dying relative was more important to her than her job (not saying that's even a bad thing or that her priorities were wrong - just saying that apparently she weighed the consequences of her choices and felt that she would be OK so she took the week off). She felt that she could take this chance because the odds were in her favor that she'd be OK in the long run. If she were truly living on her own, I really wouldn't have recommended or supported that decision!
When I was 19, my grandmother died. Unfortunately she lived several states away and my parents had to go and STAY for a couple of weeks to not only attend to the funeral but to take care of some estate issues. At the time, my dad had just started his own (eventually very successful) business and our family was on a very tight budget. I was attending school full time and working 30 hours a week, and I could not take the time off to go to the funeral without losing my job. So...I didn't go to the funeral. It was a tough choice to make, but my parents never shielded me from such tough decisions once I reached adulthood, and I'm glad for it because that tough love instilled a resiliency and determination in me that has come in mighty handy over my lifetime - and that I was able to pass on to my own daughters.
All that being said, the fact that the boss TEXTED her rather than discussing this face to face tells me a lot about the maturity and management skills - or lack thereof - of this boss - and the company he/she works for. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
One more thing - she'd be quitting work or taking significant time off in the near future anyway. She DOES live at home and ISN'T poverty stricken. As long as the OP isn't making excuses for her or encouraging an overly casual attitude toward her fast approaching self supporting future, I don't think this is the end of the world in and of itself.
OP, I am sorry for your family's loss. I would bet that the new baby is going to be the catalyst that really jolts him out of his emotional distress. He will not be able to resist this little munchkin!
I agree that in her situation, she probably should not have taken a week off from work without it being approved first - and if she chose to do so, then she chose that because she knew she could fall back on family and the time with her dying relative was more important to her than her job (not saying that's even a bad thing or that her priorities were wrong - just saying that apparently she weighed the consequences of her choices and felt that she would be OK so she took the week off). She felt that she could take this chance because the odds were in her favor that she'd be OK in the long run. If she were truly living on her own, I really wouldn't have recommended or supported that decision!
I doubt they even considered it a possibility she could lose her job since Jersey is flabbergasted happened and going on about how important it is for her to earn money. Even though Jersey says she'd say the same thing if it was her employer, she has that luxury because she has a two income household.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
One more thing - she'd be quitting work or taking significant time off in the near future anyway. She DOES live at home and ISN'T poverty stricken. As long as the OP isn't making excuses for her or encouraging an overly casual attitude toward her fast approaching self supporting future, I don't think this is the end of the world in and of itself.
I don't think it's the end of the world either. Her living at home is the perfect time for her to learn this lesson. Even though she isn't poverty stricken, I'm sure she was still saving up to cover her expenses for medical care, maternity leave, etc. Now Jersey will be picking up some of those expenses. If Jersey isn't expressing distain for the daughter's employer to her daughter, then her daughter will learn the lesson. Life isn't fair. This stuff happens. The employer isn't an anomaly.
She's learned an important lesson - one that her father, as the main breadwinner, already knew - showing up, on time and consistently, is the first step in keeping a job. Hopefully she now understands that when an employer is depending upon you, nothing excuses absence.
But as I said, it's probably all for the better. She can get a better job when she recovers from the delivery. She should know that it's illegal for anyone to ask about children, that she can sidestep any questions about that by saying, "I have no responsibilities that would interfere with my ability to come to work on time and get the job done." Isn't she studying to be a teacher? For the sake of the long term goal, that she finish her degree and get a stable, well-paying job, I assume she's going to be concentrating on school for the next couple of years, anyway. I'm assuming that she will only have afterschool/weekend work for the next few years. It should be easy for her to find that.
I understand how you feel; however, as a single mother with limited income, her importance of family standards need to be different from yours. With one income, especially a limited income, her priority needs to be her employment---even for funerals if she can't afford the time off to attend. That's the life she has now. You want her to be fully responsible for raising this child without your financial help. You can't have it both ways by having family expectations that interfere with her ability to support herself. See how that "importance of family" doesn't jive here? Your daughter should take a financial hit for the grandfather's unexpected funeral, but you shouldn't take a financial hit for the unplanned grandchild.
Good posts. While I feel sorry for the timing with the death of her grandfather, part of what she has to understand as a mother-to-be is that once you become someone's mother, NOTHING comes before your responsibility to provide a stable situation for your child, and that includes employment since she is a single parent. Her responsibility as someone else's child or grandchild will forever more be superseded by her responsibility to the child she brought into the world. That's just how it is when you choose to become a parent.
I don't agree with some of the opinions but that's ok. We all have some opinions others don't agree with.
Yes, main concentration is on school. She does most classes late afternoon and evening. It's helped her to be able to hold her full time job.
We are a very close family. No matter what, we will make the best of anything that comes our way. The reduction of hours is unfortunate but looking on the bright side, it avails her to studying and helping me out some more. My other girls are starting their spring sports and she can help with rides and stuff.
I really think everything will work out.
I'm thinking we may need to relocate this year anyway. My husband and his family are trying to figure things out for his mom right now.
One thing I've learned is that you simply never know what twists and turns your life will take. You think you have everything figured out and then you're sent back to the drawing board.
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