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This may not belong in this "category" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I together have 7 kids and he also has 2 grandkids. 3 kids are in their 20s, 2 are teenagers, 2 are under 12 and the grandkids are 3 and 1. How much money is reasonable to spend on each for birthdays and christmas? He is used to just giving money: for birthdays, under 18 gets 50 and over 18 gets 25. For christmas, under 18 gets 100 and over 18 gets 50. I think this is way too much money with all who we have to buy for and don't think that babies need that much spent on them. Any suggestions?
This may not belong in this "category" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I together have 7 kids and he also has 2 grandkids. 3 kids are in their 20s, 2 are teenagers, 2 are under 12 and the grandkids are 3 and 1. How much money is reasonable to spend on each for birthdays and christmas? He is used to just giving money: for birthdays, under 18 gets 50 and over 18 gets 25. For christmas, under 18 gets 100 and over 18 gets 50. I think this is way too much money with all who we have to buy for and don't think that babies need that much spent on them. Any suggestions?
I think that's really more of a personal decision. The amounts seem reasonable to me but given you probably have to get Christmas presents for a lot more people than the 7 kids, the money does add up!
For my toddler's birthday, she gets a $100 bond from one of her grandparents - no gifts. For Christmas, it's more of a nominal gift, something around $30. My husband (son of said grandparents) gets an equivalent of about $50 gift per occasion.
As for the other grandparents, they are not really the gift giving type, so rarely does she get anything from her other set of paternal grandparents and from my Mom. If financially he can swing it I don't see it as a huge deal. If you two are heading towards marriage, it may be something to discuss and meet in the middle if this is something that really bothers you. Hubby tends to be more generous in gift giving as I tend to be more frugal so I definitely understand where u r coming from. Your BF isn't really wrong but you're not really right either. It just really depends on how the two of you can work it out!
I would be very careful about how you approach this with his family. You don't want them to resent you if he has always given monetary gifts of precise amounts before you came onto the scene.
As far as whether or not the amounts are reasonable, that's a matter of what you can afford. I don't understand why the over 18 group gets less though. If they are out of school, and working, then it would make more sense, but most 18 yr olds don't fit into that category.
If this is the way he has always done it prior to meeting you, it should remain the same for his side of the family. Do for your family what you did prior to meeting him. There's no reason to change anything.
This may not belong in this "category" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I together have 7 kids and he also has 2 grandkids. 3 kids are in their 20s, 2 are teenagers, 2 are under 12 and the grandkids are 3 and 1. How much money is reasonable to spend on each for birthdays and christmas? He is used to just giving money: for birthdays, under 18 gets 50 and over 18 gets 25. For christmas, under 18 gets 100 and over 18 gets 50. I think this is way too much money with all who we have to buy for and don't think that babies need that much spent on them. Any suggestions?
I'm not sure I would change things at the risk of his side of the family resenting the new "girlfriend" who moved in and decided to be the grinch who stole Christmas. If you came into the picture when his family's traditions were already established, I would just roll with it. You are NOT talking about a huge amount of money here and I suspect if you reduce the amount by $50, you will get $500 worth of trouble in return for it. If you were married and your kids were toddlers, I would say try to even things out. If you are not married and these are grown children, I say you go with the way you raised them and don't rock the boat now.
This may not belong in this "category" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I together have 7 kids and he also has 2 grandkids. 3 kids are in their 20s, 2 are teenagers, 2 are under 12 and the grandkids are 3 and 1. How much money is reasonable to spend on each for birthdays and christmas? He is used to just giving money: for birthdays, under 18 gets 50 and over 18 gets 25. For christmas, under 18 gets 100 and over 18 gets 50. I think this is way too much money with all who we have to buy for and don't think that babies need that much spent on them. Any suggestions?
Do you have kids as a couple? Or are they all just his and yours?
His kids = he decides.
You are the girlfriend and should not be dictating how he spends his money on his kids and grandkids.
Do you have kids as a couple? Or are they all just his and yours?
His kids = he decides.
You are the girlfriend and should not be dictating how he spends his money on his kids and grandkids.
I agree.
The only situation where you would have a say in the matter is if he spends his entire paycheck on these gifts and he sends you out on the street to turn tricks to pay the rent and to buy food for the family.
Then I would suggest that if he wants to spend that much money HE has to turn tricks. Just kidding, but the principle is the same.
This may not belong in this "category" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I together have 7 kids and he also has 2 grandkids. 3 kids are in their 20s, 2 are teenagers, 2 are under 12 and the grandkids are 3 and 1. How much money is reasonable to spend on each for birthdays and christmas? He is used to just giving money: for birthdays, under 18 gets 50 and over 18 gets 25. For christmas, under 18 gets 100 and over 18 gets 50. I think this is way too much money with all who we have to buy for and don't think that babies need that much spent on them. Any suggestions?
I'd reverse that! When our children were very young we spent very little on them. They enjoyed the Christmas stockings and opening under ten gifts - none that expensive - was more than enough.
Christmas presents for babies under one year? WHY?
Teens and people in their early 20s actually need and appreciate more. I always give them a few surprises along with things they have hinted about. A little cash is always nice, but I'm not big on cash as a gift. So I might give a "few bucks" and a gift card to Starbucks or a gas card.
I really don't want to start teens and young adults on the "Christmas is for Children" fallacy. Keeping them involved means more to them than you might think.
And no, they do not get the joy out of watching a five year old niece or cousin open a gift as you do.
With that said, we exchange gifts with any child 16 or more.
It isn't a one way street.
If I had to cut corners, I'd do so with the youngest. In three days they won't remember the gifts.
ALSO go for quality! Books, wooden blocks, Legos, puzzles, craft sets and board games that encourage interaction between people.
It seems as though the younger kids are all "yours" and the older ones "his". If you think that will be lost on anyone, you are so wrong.
I am detecting a teensy weensy bit of resentment on your part.
Grandchildren in most families get one gift from the grandparents. Not a bunch of gifts.
Santa (ie the children's parents) give more.
The last thing I think YOU should do is interfere in his family's holiday traditions. You can add your own, but don't take away theirs. That's a sure fire way to build resentment - and frankly, I think that resentment would be a reasonable response on their part.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. From my perspective, his gift amounts don't sound particularly weird or improper or unsustainable. However, your interference in harmless family traditions may make your relationship with his relatives weird or unsustainable!
We have a large family (five kids, four elderly parents, and seven grandkids). I was about to tell you how we handle our gift giving but then I realized that you'll probably only use any suggestions as "ammo" to plead your case. Besides that, come to think of it, our style is more like your guy's style anyway...
I agree with those saying don't interfere. It is his money to spend on his kids. FWIW those amounts don't sound extravagant to me, but that depends on how much he has to spend.
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