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She was drunk, of course she got an MIP. A minor can get an MIP even if they only blow a .02, so if she was drunk enough to start mouthing off to the police she was above the legal limit for minors.
And, if the purpose was taking her there to learn a lesson, once she started mouthing off to the cops, they are going to nail her with everything they can. She is not going to get off easy. She needs to learn to show some respect. At some point she needs to learn that she is not special and has to follow the same rules as everyone else.
If the girl has already been caught drinking, and grounded as a result, and yet did it again and again, it was indeed time to up the consequences. I can't fathom how you don't realize you have a serious problem on your hands, and a slap on the wrist is not going to change her behavior.
Every time the OP comes abck with more information, it blows me away. She should be thanking her husband for doing what he did at this point. Instead, she evidently wants to ground Princess for two weeks before letting her go to another party. The 15 year old has some serious problems. One of them is that her parents ALLOW her this much freedom to keep going to parties where alcohol is served.
The next step should be that thefather goes back to the police and demands something be done aboutwho was serviving the alcohol. Good Lord, I feel so much pity for the 15 year old just based on the confessions of her mother. I hope the 18 year old can move past this part of her life and make something of herself.
She was drunk, of course she got an MIP. A minor can get an MIP even if they only blow a .02, so if she was drunk enough to start mouthing off to the police she was above the legal limit for minors.
Most likely, yes. But I have heard of police being more lenient when parents are involved so I am trying not to assume anything.
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Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
I doubt she was drunk and mouthing off to the police and they let her go with just a disorderly conduct. If that is the case, then OP better be thanking her lucky stars that the police went so easy on her daughter.
Absolutely 100% agreed. It is troubling that the daughter is this out of control entitled. Even the next day, sober.
Damn, I have to admit I haven't read this whole thread in its entirety, just several pages, but the idea of turning a close relative in to police for such a thing as *coming home after consuming alcohol* just makes me really sick...
When I was 16-17-18 I also used to come home after having a drink or two time after time (but of course not to the point when I couldn't have stood straight and not every other day obviously) and nobody EVER had a single thought of turning me in to POLICE and thus potentially causing troubles years later... I'm 27 now, I have a family, I'm a father myself and I'm definitely not an alcoholic (I actually barely drink at all as I don't see much pleasure in it) and the fact that I sometimes used to drink with friends when I was 16 probably had no impact AT ALL on my future life.
Just as an example, go to Global Entry Program thread on one of many travel discussion boards. Do you know how many people out there can't get their Global Entry card or enroll in other Government run program in their 30s-40s just because of some stupid criminal record back from the time they were teens!? I suspect no Government jobs either, possible issues with NICS checks and much-much more...
It also reminded me of Brian Aitken story here in NJ. Obviously different reasons and different circumstances, but the initial idea was exactly the same - not willing to deal with a family member's issue on her own a person made a conscious decision to call the police that eventually resulted in VERY serious penalties (jail time + other severe restrictions) for her son.
I really hate to be judgmental (especially given my post count here), but if I were in OP dd#2's shoes the day I turned 18 I would've kissed her bye-bye and escaped to whatever boyfriend I could find just not to see her anymore.
I'm really sorry if that hurts - just want OP to know that there are people out there who strongly disagree with such a course of action and who strongly believe that YOUR dirty linen should not be washed in public.
Had it been left up to me, she simply would never be allowed to go to a party again that I didn't attend. The matter, however, is out of my hands.
Left up to you? It was previously, and all she got was a tiny slap on the wrist. How did that work out?
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
She has been grounded in the past for drinking. She has lost privileges and had to earn them back (this is the second time she came home under the influence but we also found a bottle at one point too that she claimed belonged to a friend. Didn't buy it. Grounded her for two weeks. Grounded her from going to parties after she came home under the influence. This was the third party she had attended after earning back the right to go. She seemed fine after the other two.). I never said there have been no consequences up until now. However, I'll agree with you that this is the most extreme thing that could have been done and there were lesser things that could have been and should have been done first.
Because that worked so well before?
She's 15, how long has she been drinking for? I really don't think you understand that your daughter already has a problem, she doesn't care about consequences, and she is very reckless. It could be alcohol, sex, thrill-seeking, it doesn't really matter what, but she is headed down a very slippery slope. It's time to wise up, and quit minimizing and making excuses.
What does her driver's license have to do with drinking at a party? She didn't drink and drive. The two are unrelated. My concern is taking away things that are not related to the offense will only make her bitter. There are things she should lose, like the right to go to parties and she should be in counseling about her attitude about drinking but cheer, getting a job, getting a driver's license...those things are not related to her crime and should have no part of her punishment.
I'm just not getting why drinking at a party means she can never drive. She didn't drink and drive. She drank at a party where she had a designated driver to drive her home. I'm not excusing the drinking. I'm just stating is has nothing to do with getting her license. At least it shouldn't. I'm afraid it will. I'm afraid she's about to lose everything she enjoys sober and then some and then what? People who have nothing left to lose tend not to care because they have nothing left to lose. That doesn't sound like a punishment that fits this crime.
Underage drinking is illegal (I'm pretty sure) in every state in the USA.
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Originally Posted by Hopes
I do. You can't drive until you're 18 if you get charged with under aged drinking. That's the law. You can't belong to a cheerleading squad if you get charged with under aged drinking. That's a school rule. Those are the consequences everyone gets, not just your daughter.
She should have known the consequences before she even started drinking. Didn't you teach her the consequences so she knew what she had to lose? Your feeling it's unfair for her to lose everything she loves indicates that you didn't even know the consequences yourself. Well, these are the consequences.
It seems you and your daughter need to learn how to deal with it. You can prevent her from turning to a life of partying by not letting her go to parties.
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Originally Posted by strawflower
So let me get this straight: children who try to bargain their grades with you or who miss a test in your class are entitled, special snowflakes, or enabled. Possibly all three. They deserve to be punished. Yet, your daughter, who committed a CRIME and put her life at risk feels as if she should not face consequences is not?! I do not comprehend. At all. For all the ranting you do about these entitled kids, your daughter seems be a pretty big culprit here.
Plus, if your FIFTEEN year old is complaining she can no longer go out and get smashed on the weekends, I'd say she's already got some alcohol dependency issues. I get that underage drinking happens, and while I don't condone it and would deal with it swiftly and matter-of-factly, I don't think experimentation is the end of the world. With that being said, what your daughter is doing is beyond experimentation, and that's a major cause for concern. She's already predisposed to be an alcoholic, and you take a "kids will be kids" attitude towards her drinking and heightening her chances of having issues with alcohol in the future (though she seemingly has them already). Holy cow.
I agree that you frequently complain about parents that do things for their kids/enable their kids that are much, much less serious issues than a 15 year who appears to be an alcoholic or well on her way to be an alcoholic.
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has offered support. This week has been one thing after another. Apparently, dd#1 is picking up the car today after dh and I agreed that if she left it stayed here. GGRRRRRRR....
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Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
Whose name is the car in?
Unless the car is registered in her name and the insurance is also in her name how in the world can she just come and "get the car"? She doesn't have a job to make the car payments or to buy the car and she certainly can't make the insurance payments. So why the GGRRRRR!!!
If she has a set of car keys and you think that she will just "steal" the car (drive it without permission of Mom & Dad---ie. STEAL the car from her parent's house), drive the car a friend's house or a parking lot and park it there until she realizes that it is NOT her car.
Please post back and say that you did this and DD#1 didn't just take/steal the car (unless it really is titled in her name and she does pay the car insurance on it).
If somehow DD#1 already has the car, just drive over in the middle of the night and take it back. Problem solved.
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear
She's 15 and drinking and you grounded her from parties for TWO WEEKS? She should not be permitted to go to parties for a REALLY LONG TIME and she should not be permitted to earn back that privilege.
I don't let my kids go to parties in high school unless they are supervised by people I know well. I also do not let my kids get rides from other teens until they are a bit older. If they want to go somewhere at when they do not have a license they need a ride from my husband or I, or another parent that we know. We make contact with the other parent to make sure we know the plan.
My kids are popular and are invited to many social events despite the fact that we do not allow them to run from party to party. Your daughter needs to spend time around a more wholesome bunch of friends.
Two weeks? When our son, an honor student and a high school senior, broke a rule far, far less serious than underage drinking he was totally grounded for two months and even then he was thankful as he had expected to be grounded for much longer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
Every time the OP comes back with more information, it blows me away. She should be thanking her husband for doing what he did at this point. Instead, she evidently wants to ground Princess for two weeks before letting her go to another party. The 15 year old has some serious problems. One of them is that her parents ALLOW her this much freedom to keep going to parties where alcohol is served.
The next step should be that thefather goes back to the police and demands something be done aboutwho was serviving the alcohol. Good Lord, I feel so much pity for the 15 year old just based on the confessions of her mother. I hope the 18 year old can move past this part of her life and make something of herself.
I'm sorry but I have to agree with Joe.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-06-2013 at 03:40 PM..
Given what the OP posted about her daughter in this thread last year, I'd probably be driven to drink too under all the pressure! The OP ranted and raved about how she had to tell DD#2 that medical school was "off the table" because of one C. It disturbed me so much then that I remembered it all this time later.
In the other thread (and it might be mentioned here), she noted that DD#2 was a sophomore and had skipped a grade. That means we're talking about a 15 year old junior in high school. That immaturity compared to her peers, plus extreme pressure at home, is a recipe for disaster.
I hope the whole family can get themselves into therapy.
Given what the OP posted about her daughter in this thread last year, I'd probably be driven to drink too under all the pressure! The OP ranted and raved about how she had to tell DD#2 that medical school was "off the table" because of one C. It disturbed me so much then that I remembered it all this time later.
In the other thread (and it might be mentioned here), she noted that DD#2 was a sophomore and had skipped a grade. That means we're talking about a 15 year old junior in high school. That immaturity compared to her peers, plus extreme pressure at home, is a recipe for disaster.
I hope the whole family can get themselves into therapy.
"She should be a 9th grader but she's a 10th grader taking 11th and 12th grade classes"
No pressure there And now she will be getting a criminal record on top of it
The more you post about your husband and his alcoholism, the more it seems that he is extremely worried about your daughter and wants to protect her from going down that same road. Again, JMHO.
You claim it's because he doesn't like her, but it appears more likely that it's because he's been there.
I don't know about the other stuff, but the NHS has a specific code of conduct. If she ends up with a criminal record, she may be ineligible for NHS.
No. Not the issue at all. Dh does not believe he has a drinking problem. He doesn't think he's ever had a drinking problem. He just parents dd#2 with a baseball bat. He always has. She's not allowed to step out of line.
No. Not the issue at all. Dh does not believe he has a drinking problem. He doesn't think he's ever had a drinking problem. He just parents dd#2 with a baseball bat. He always has. She's not allowed to step out of line.
Not true at all. She already drinks and goes to parties. Not allowed to step out of line? She doesn't stay in line. And in a previous thread, you told her yourself that a C she got in 10th grade was going to keep her out of med school. You want to sit her and blame your husband, but you apparently don't see anything you yourself do wrong.
Your daughter has some serious issues that if they are not corrected could kill her. Time to stop the wacky obsession with her cheerleading.
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And now she will be getting a criminal record on top of it 
