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Just a reminder. You said you agreed to provide a roof over her head and transportation while she was in school. Her moving really shouldn't have any influence on if you provide transpiration. She's still in school. Taking transportation away is more of a punishment to make life harder.
Not to mention, making the mistake that AP classes are the equivalent of college classes is setting you up for failure. And I say that as someone who had a heavier courseload than DD2, got 4s and 5s on my exams, and took two different foreign languages at the same time. Despite that courseload, nothing a high school could offer prepares you for college. IB gets close, but no dice. In fact, in many ways, AP lulls you into a false sense of security which is NOT what DD2 needs. .
I agree. I ALWAYS advise students in general, but especially ones who are pre-med, NOT to skip over the entry level chem or bio or physics or calculus class at their college because they took AP whatever in high school. I don't care what you go on the test. It is often a recipe for disaster. At a lot of top notch schools, there is just no comparison between the two.
Sometimes if a student went to a special highly regarded math & science high school or has otherwise experienced high level sciences/math it turns out okay. But a lot of the time it doesn't.
Just a reminder. You said you agreed to provide a roof over her head and transportation while she was in school. Her moving really shouldn't have any influence on if you provide transpiration. She's still in school. Taking transportation away is more of a punishment to make life harder. It will be more difficult for her to get a job or continue going to school without transportation. I think your husband was right to give the car back to her. As long as she's still going to school, that part of the deal should remain intact. If she quits school, you can go take the car away from her.
Is the car a necessity to get to college? Is it in a different city and there is not regular bus transportation to that city?
If college is in your home town can she ride a bike or walk to classes? Just a few more things to consider.
Not everyone needs a car. My son managed to get through several college degrees on three different campuses all without having a car. Sometimes it was too snowy to ride his bike but then he walked or took a bus. He also worked from the time he was 16 years old, all without a car. BTW He is now 31 years old and still doesn't have a car (although, he shares his new wife's car).
Is the car a necessity to get to college? Is it in a different city and there is not regular bus transportation to that city?
If college is in your home town can she ride a bike or walk to classes? Just a few more things to consider.
Not everyone needs a car. My son managed to get through several college degrees on three different campuses all without having a car. Sometimes it was too snowy to ride his bike but then he walked or took a bus. He also worked from the time he was 16 years old, all without a car. BTW He is now 31 years old and still doesn't have a car (although, he shares his new wife's car).
She's not living on campus. She's living with the boyfriend's parents. It really depends on where they live and the public transportation available. Hometown? That sounds small. In my metro, you can't easily use public transportation for school AND work if you live in the suburbs. From where I live, a 15 minute car ride to any of the college campuses here takes about 45 minutes to over an hour with transfers via bus. The buses don't run with enough frequency to allow for quickly getting from classes to work. My route only has a bus every hour, which means you can be stuck somewhere for two hours if your schedule causes you to miss a bus. That's two hours she could be working. I'm not exaggerating when I say that you can waste a good 5 hours per day just trying to get around via bus where I live.
Ivory and her husband committed to providing transportation as long as she attended school. That shouldn't change simply because she isn't living with them. Taking transportation away (or not paying tuition) will seal DD1's fate. Ivory is afraid she will quit going to school. It's illogical that Ivory would purposely do something to make it more difficult for her to continue with school.
Did they really commit to buying her a car and paying her way so she could slap them in the face and mooch off a boyfriend and his parents because her parents suggested she get a job and that put her into a snit?
Remember- she wants to be an independent adult. That means you stop expecting mommy and daddy to pay your way for everything. She's so independent after all, she won't use reliable birth control. When my kids think they're too big to have to listen to me, then they know they're big enough to stop getting free money from me. I got the feeling the daughter just packed up and moved out, showed no consideration for her parents and assumes she can continue using them for her free ride, but don't they ever dare to suggest she get even a part time job.
An adult who shows you absolutely no gratitude does not deserve a penny of your money.
So many people here predicting the future with so much uncertaintly? Does anybody have the Powerball numbers?
OP are you both planning to pay D#1 tuition? It seems to me that she is not very good in school and that is one of your concerns, that she will be a perpetual student. I think you and your husband need to agree on how long you gonna pay her tuition and let her know that there is a limit.
With d#2 no one can predit her future or how ready she is for college. I had a bunch of alcoholics in my family including my father who went to AA and recovered. I got very drunk when I was 13 and suprisingly my mother who was pretty tough with us , took it as a joke and even did everything to make me feel better the day after. I am so glad she reacted that way because I felt trusted. My mother was so tough people used to say we were in the military. I just didn't become an alcoholic, I was a social drinker. One thing that concerns me though about your daughter is that bottle you found in her room(I think?). If she is drinking alone, I think that sounds dangerous but maybe she had other plans.
I don't agree with what your husband did but I think you both(you and your youngest daughter) need to let it go. Your husband probably regrets what he did. People act impulsively sometimes, we all do it. Blaming him is not gonna change anything.
I would usually agree with what Malamute wrote, however, in this case, I have a suspicion the 18 yr old was fleeing a less than happy home life.
We don't know for certain, some of us think she is a spoiled brat with unrealistic expectations. However I have seen plenty of people with mediocre grades and rough starts graduating from college and becoming professionals. We just don't know if that is her future or if her future is becoming a dependent housewife who doesn't even make enough money to buy gas for her car or to even buy new underwear.
Did they really commit to buying her a car and paying her way so she could slap them in the face and mooch off a boyfriend and his parents because her parents suggested she get a job and that put her into a snit?
They told her to get a job and cut off the spending money in June. People don't "snit" 5 months later. The job isn't the reason she left. It's obvious from the thread that the family is a disaster. Anyone in their right mind would leave what Ivory describes. They said they would provide a car as long as she is in school. She is still in school. And it's illogical to put obstacles in her way when Ivory claims she is worried she won't finish school.
...if her future is becoming a dependent housewife who doesn't even make enough money to buy gas for her car or to even buy new underwear.
There are many "dependent housewives" in this thread who are quite content and happy not making money.
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