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Looking for advice on how to deal with the three kids as far as discipline or yelling at them. They are not my kids and all from same father who is a loser. Anyway I love them and the mother and at first it didn't affect me but they've grown on me and I care more and now I find myself getting upset and yelling not like crazy but enough so they know.
I'm a sensitive guy and my gf said that it gets to her when I yell at them and I haven't done it a lot. I tried to talk to her but she gets upset and just says she doesn't like it. I want to marry her. What can I do or what should I do to try and deal with this? She disciplines them but they don't listen a lot of the time they are 3 6 and 9 sibling rivalry is rediculoua and the jealously omg
Discuss discipline with your girlfriend and quit yelling, that accomplishes nothing.
You had both better get on the same page with this now before you ever get married and/or live in the same home because it will not get better.
Don't be surprised when the kids are quick to remind you that you are not their father either.
Maybe talk to other couples who are in the same situation and ask how they handled it or take parenting classes.
The whole yelling thing is not going to work long term.
I think this should be in the parenting forum. Kids always run over mothers more than fathers. I know you're not the father but you're a male figure of authority in the kids eyes. There's always a "good" parent and a "bad" parent and this is a dynamic that WORKS as long as the patents both embrace it and use it to their collective advantage as a couple.
I'd be stern,but yeah yelling is ineffective. Time out and loss of items and toys can help. They'll never be quiet little angels though, kids will be kids.
If her oldest is 9 and she hasn't fostered an environment that doesn't include sibling rivalry, there are bigger problems. Sounds like she punishes them, not discipline. Discipline is a lifelong process in which you model proper behavior and discourage jealousy etc.
You can learn about parenting styles, but first you both have to agree that you are going to co-parent, and then you have to agree about HOW you are going to do that.
Until you are married, it'll be difficult.
I agree that you should post this in the Parenting forum for advice.
How long have you been in this relationship, and are you living together? If not I don't think you should have anything to do with disciplining her children, and most especially not in a style she's not on board with.
Personally, I wouldn't even date this woman or any other divorced woman with children at home. Here's what your looking at with marriage. You marry her and now you get to support her and her three kids. YOu get assigned major child raising responsibilities, yet you will not be allowed to discipline them, and they will never consider you dad, and will likely mock you because "your not my dad". You'll also get no credit or love as they get older as you're just the "step dad." Bottom line is, you'll spend a major part of the best part of your life helping raise someone elses kids and get little in terms of thanks, praise, respect etc.
If her oldest is 9 and she hasn't fostered an environment that doesn't include sibling rivalry, there are bigger problems. Sounds like she punishes them, not discipline. Discipline is a lifelong process in which you model proper behavior and discourage jealousy etc.
You can learn about parenting styles, but first you both have to agree that you are going to co-parent, and then you have to agree about HOW you are going to do that.
Until you are married, it'll be difficult.
I agree that you should post this in the Parenting forum for advice.
How long have you been dating?
^^^This.
Does she discipline at all, or do you find yourself stepping up in place of her?
If she disciplines, do you not agree with how she handles it?
I spent 13 years married to a man with 3 kids. It wasn't so much about discipline but we had very different parenting styles and I had to tolerate things I didn't agree with because they ultimately weren't my kids. Nothing will erode a relationship faster than not being on the same page with regard to any topic, but especially in dealing with your partner's children.
IMO, a good parent effectively disciplines and raises their child and you are there in a supporting role to what your partner is doing. I see that with a friend of mine. She is what I consider a "super-mom" and the way their family works, it's like the stepdad isn't one. There is no disparity in their views on child-rearing, discipline, etc. I've never seen a stepfamily relationship work so well but since they do it, it is proof it can be done.
If she's going to stand between you and the kids now, and during any marriage, you're in for a long hard life. People need to "parent" together. If she doesnt want you involved with raising the kids, better you know now than after you get married.
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