I think my wife babies the boys too much

[Kalisiin]

Originally Posted by bg7

Make sure you dont confuse fear with respect. They are not the same thing at all.

This. Right here. Bingo!

We...my brother and I...we feared our father.
We did not respect him. We feared him.

We did not love him. We feared him.

I was actually amazed when I cried at his deathbed when I was 27. I had never thought I would do that.

I realized later that what I was crying for was all that had been lost...and now would never be.

It really IS too late...when we die.

[beachmel]

Originally Posted by Kalisiin

This. Right here. Bingo!

We...my brother and I...we feared our father.
We did not respect him. We feared him.

We did not love him. We feared him.

I was actually amazed when I cried at his deathbed when I was 27. I had never thought I would do that.

I realized later that what I was crying for was all that had been lost...and now would never be.

It really IS too late...when we die.

This is so sad. Why can't some parents get this? There is a HUGE difference between fear and respect. People should have a healthy fear of "consequences" for inappropriate behavior, but some parents are hideous, in their expectations. I mean, kids are kids and they're gonna BE kids. Our job is to raise them to become responsible, good citizens. Reigning over anyone with an iron fist, only destroys a person's spirit.

[Azile]

Actually, boys that grow up with a mother like that tend to grow up with a higher sense of confidence. They know they are loved and feel secure that they don't have to prove themselves to anyone. You are their male role model. No one is telling you you have to be the same way as long as you are available for them to break down in front of you and know you'll support them. Don't tell a 6 year old to buck up, but you can start reminding them of when crying is more acceptable. Crying over disappointment is not always appropriate. "Tommy took my pencil WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" That is less needed at this age. That's when even mother's should step in and remind them of how talking it out can be way more effective. Kids at that age will cry when they are scared, sad, or hurt and that is appropriate. Adults (yes, even men too) cry over that stuff, so you can't expect kids to suck it up when they feel the same way. But, for any kids younger, expect tears over disappointment. Mothers nurture. As long as she doesn't solve every problem for her kids, she's doing what she naturally is built to do. Hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" are things YOU should be doing too. Try it. I think you'll find it very rewarding. In the long run, you're boys will look up to you as someone who can be both a strong man and a loving father. Don't ask too much out of your boys or expect your wife to be anything but who she is, or you'll be the one disappointed in all this.

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by Xusein

We have 3 boys aged 6, 4 and 2. I believe my wife babies them too much. There's too much kissing, hugging and "I love you" for my taste to be honest. I'm afraid they will turn out girly and won't be able to deal with difficulties as the hard world hits them.

I like to keep a fine line of respect and make them understand I'm not their "buddy".

Besides, I suggested we get a nanny to take care of the hard work (bathing, dressing, feeding, etc) and she says there's no way she'll let someone else do that job for her. I mean, she works and takes care of them at the same time, I thought she would appreciate the idea.

I'm afraid one day they won't respect her over excessive attention.

the flipside is to raise em with an iron-rod, and then they rebel, being something you fear..when older..
its like a teenage girl bringing home a loser as a date,,knowing it will pyss off her dad..


be careful, wanting respect and earning respect as a dad is two different worlds,,
if you play with your kids, give them your TIME, they will give you all the respect you earn,,if youDEMAND respect because you are the Father,,, this will boomerang around to bite you in the ass

Im no parental authority, but i played with my son, gave him lots of TIME when younger, aloud myself to be silly,,and yes i was a buddy, however i was also a parent when need be,,,i had to get on him when he was in jr high school, because of a pyssy or disrespectful attitude to older family members, he corrected it,,and thru high school, i didnt have to raise my voice at all,,he's a great kid,,
what i did do,,was to be a close dad, to set the example, to show him how special he was, no matter if he won or lost in sports..

the best gift a parent can give to a child is confidence in themselves, then they can take on the world, and not be a shrinking violetter, they need to know they are loved and have support of the parents..

mothers often smother their kids when younger because they know....boys will often take mothers for granted when older..but also boys will treat other girls with more respect/manners with loving mothers-
here's the flipside , if boys grow up in a home that the father is beating on his wife,their mother,,,,then that sets a norm, and they can easily cycle this crap when they get older,,, and the beat goes on

i think a close/loving relationship with the mother strengthens what it is to be a "man"

as parents you are role models- and based on your post, you , have to be careful, not to set norms that are unhealthy, you need to show emotion for your kids, and also for your wife in front of the kids,,
if you grew up in a cold home,,,that doesnt mean your kids need to..



again, if you think your boys are getting smothered by motherly estrogen- you are wrong..

[TheMoonandStars]

Originally Posted by Xusein

We have 3 boys aged 6, 4 and 2. I believe my wife babies them too much. There's too much kissing, hugging and "I love you" for my taste to be honest. I'm afraid they will turn out girly and won't be able to deal with difficulties as the hard world hits them.

I like to keep a fine line of respect and make them understand I'm not their "buddy".

Besides, I suggested we get a nanny to take care of the hard work (bathing, dressing, feeding, etc) and she says there's no way she'll let someone else do that job for her. I mean, she works and takes care of them at the same time, I thought she would appreciate the idea.

I'm afraid one day they won't respect her over excessive attention.

Are you serious or just want to start an interesting thread. The type of nurturing the wife give those 3 boys is crucial and a necessity to rear them into an upright man with an upright personality and attitude. Those boys will grow up to be manly men and gentlemen and have a healthy opinion of women. Kudos to the Wife. Boys need A LOT of attention and adoration, on average, more than girls.

Children need an adequate amount of love, attention, and adoration to help shape attitudes, personality, and even intelligence.

Good for you dad for letting kids know you are not their "buddy". Children need to know their boundaries and no one does it better than Pops.

I'm not against help. When a Mommy needs a break and extra hands don't have too much pride to not ask for it, but I couldn't in my wildest dreams consider a nanny. Kudos to Mom. She has 2 points and you have 1.