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I don't see why it's so important that some people think that it's so important that some one have children? I'd rather have a daughter that is happy not having a kid rather than having one, and being miserable, only because mom wanted you to have one? It's like my wife and my mother-in-law, she's always asking when we'll be having kids, and then my wife gets all bummed out because she's not sure if she'll be able to have children. I'm constantly telling her It will happen when it happens.
Ok, I'm back. At the risk of offending others (I don't care), my experience with childless adults-both men and women is not positive. Having children is a huge asset in learning to be empathetic with others, learning not to be judgemental, accepting others as they are, and learning to relax about life in general- children teach you that you are not in control of the world, that the world doesn't end if you're not on schedule, that people are who they are and you can't make them be what you want them to be, and mostly, that you are not omnipotent!!! It humbles you. I really do not care what anyone else thinks--- there is no way to learns some of life's lessons in the same way as raising a child. Yes, it is your choice to have or not have children. But you will remain somewhat of a child yourself until you have a child yourself. Period. You can't learn all there is to learn by listening to what someone else says (as with many life's lessons). You have to experience it for yourself. Raising a family helps to round you as a person, making you whole and able to help the younger generation with your wisdom.
Believe me, there are PLENTY of the younger generation out there who HAVE parents who are not worth a darn, so if one wants to help young people, there will be absolutely NO shortage of needy young people in the forseeable future. So long as the governments keep paying the stupid and the lazy and the nonproductive to breed, there will be opportunities for surrogate parent(s) to step in and do all of the actual gruntwork of raising children.
I'm childfree, and I have had no shortage of completely childfree experiences that taught me I am not in control of the world.
My experience with childfree people and one-and-done parents is nothing but POSITIVE. Most of those who chose to limit family size are very interesting people who want to get something else done beside slop around with kids. They are dual-career couples, they run businesses, they are heavily invested in occupations that require travel and continual study and upgrading of skills. Their entire lives do not revolve around reproduction and the consequences of it. There is nothing "childish" about corporate directors, or engineers, or top R&D scientists, I assure you. They hit middle-age debt-free, they have a good nestegg and retirement fund, and their lives are not all about cooking dinner, scrubbing toilets, sitting through boring high school sports, scraping for money to cover the emergency du jour, replacing another vehicle that kids wrecked, and bailing their kids out of jail, or chasing all over town trying to find their kids to try to save them from from drugs and alcohol.
To me the "childish" people are the ones who are not very well educated, follow the crowd, don't question much, don't consider reality, and have too many kids that they can't afford.
I live in a very small town. People have a lot of kids, like 3-4 per couple, sometimes 5. One family has lost two of their three sons to stupid kids having auto accidents. One lost a daughter to a suicide-by-car in which she was beheaded. Two families now have paraplegic sons due to stupid drunken accidents. Numerous grandparents are stuck babysitting for free if not outright raising and paying for their grandkids, because the grandkids' parents won't do it themselves or they had too many kids that they couldn't afford.
I looked family life and slop-cleaning motherhood at age 6 and said to myself "I never want to be a mother. It's a thankless crappy job." And so far, I have no regrets. 30 years ago, I could see the changes in American industry and see that it was going to be harder to earn a living and support a large family. Whenever I look around at all the problems parents have with their kids, at the expenses they incur, at the money thrown the drain, at the lack of upward mobility and the reduced earnings of today's couples, I know that I made the right choice to stay the H out of it. You are welcome to slop with it all you like, though. Whenever people call me selfish for not producing children, I call them fools for having them and turning their lives into total chaos and financial strife.
Let me say first that I absolutely support a woman's (or a man's) decision not to have children, and I see no good reason for anyone to object. However, I have to say I don't get the issue with #4, “You’ll have a harder time finding someone who wants to be with you.” Politically correct or no... that is actually correct. And men and women alike should take a moment to absorb that point. Not so it can change their minds; just so they firmly grasp what is to be expected.
Believe me, there are PLENTY of the younger generation out there who HAVE parents who are not worth a darn, so if one wants to help young people, there will be absolutely NO shortage of needy young people in the forseeable future. So long as the governments keep paying the stupid and the lazy and the nonproductive to breed, there will be opportunities for surrogate parent(s) to step in and do all of the actual gruntwork of raising children.
I'm childfree, and I have had no shortage of completely childfree experiences that taught me I am not in control of the world.
My experience with childfree people and one-and-done parents is nothing but POSITIVE. Most of those who chose to limit family size are very interesting people who want to get something else done beside slop around with kids. They are dual-career couples, they run businesses, they are heavily invested in occupations that require travel and continual study and upgrading of skills. Their entire lives do not revolve around reproduction and the consequences of it. There is nothing "childish" about corporate directors, or engineers, or top R&D scientists, I assure you. They hit middle-age debt-free, they have a good nestegg and retirement fund, and their lives are not all about cooking dinner, scrubbing toilets, sitting through boring high school sports, scraping for money to cover the emergency du jour, replacing another vehicle that kids wrecked, and bailing their kids out of jail, or chasing all over town trying to find their kids to try to save them from from drugs and alcohol.
To me the "childish" people are the ones who are not very well educated, follow the crowd, don't question much, don't consider reality, and have too many kids that they can't afford.
I live in a very small town. People have a lot of kids, like 3-4 per couple, sometimes 5. One family has lost two of their three sons to stupid kids having auto accidents. One lost a daughter to a suicide-by-car in which she was beheaded. Two families now have paraplegic sons due to stupid drunken accidents. Numerous grandparents are stuck babysitting for free if not outright raising and paying for their grandkids, because the grandkids' parents won't do it themselves or they had too many kids that they couldn't afford.
I looked family life and slop-cleaning motherhood at age 6 and said to myself "I never want to be a mother. It's a thankless crappy job." And so far, I have no regrets. 30 years ago, I could see the changes in American industry and see that it was going to be harder to earn a living and support a large family. Whenever I look around at all the problems parents have with their kids, at the expenses they incur, at the money thrown the drain, at the lack of upward mobility and the reduced earnings of today's couples, I know that I made the right choice to stay the H out of it. You are welcome to slop with it all you like, though. Whenever people call me selfish for not producing children, I call them fools for having them and turning their lives into total chaos and financial strife.
So while I would never profess to tell someone whether or not to have kids, why is it ok for a childless person to speak about me this way? If you're not a selfish, soulless jerk, then I'm not a toilet scrubbing, uneducated, broke slob.
So while I would never profess to tell someone whether or not to have kids, why is it ok for a childless person to speak about me this way? If you're not a selfish, soulless jerk, then I'm not a toilet scrubbing, uneducated, broke slob.
Yes, there are two sides here insulting each other. My husband and I are said, educated professionals as well and we're not one and done. I thought we would be, but I want my daughter to have a sibling if possible. If I were younger I'd have a handful of kids!
This article really resonated among my facebook friends - I was surprised to see just how many of my former classmates have made the deliberate choice not to have children (versus not having found the right person or the right time).
I always knew I wanted to have children. It didn't occur to me until after high school that some people always knew they didn't want to be a parent. Growing up, the ONLY adults I knew who didn't have children were 1) a mentally disabled uncle and 2) an uncle who married a high-powered executive who travelled all the time. I assumed she didn't want kids because of her job...but the year she turned 40 she changed her mind, they had a baby, and he became a SAHD. So in my realm, if you could have a kid, you did. It was only after I left that small town that I met people who had chosen not to have kids and were totally happy about it.
I probably said some of these insensitive things when I was younger. I didn't know any differently. Now, I do, and I wouldn't dream of saying the things on the list.
So while I would never profess to tell someone whether or not to have kids, why is it ok for a childless person to speak about me this way? If you're not a selfish, soulless jerk, then I'm not a toilet scrubbing, uneducated, broke slob.
Great post!
I think it is highly offensive to tell a woman that she should have kids. It is also offensive to tell a woman she has too many kids.
I see people who often say 'I don't want kids as a choice', 'I am highly educated', I want to travel'. By the way this world is overpopulated, most parents are uneducated blah blah blah.
If one wants to criticize others then it is important to be open to criticism from all quarters!
Ok, I'm back. At the risk of offending others (I don't care), my experience with childless adults-both men and women is not positive. Having children is a huge asset in learning to be empathetic with others, learning not to be judgemental, accepting others as they are, and learning to relax about life in general- children teach you that you are not in control of the world, that the world doesn't end if you're not on schedule, that people are who they are and you can't make them be what you want them to be, and mostly, that you are not omnipotent!!! It humbles you. I really do not care what anyone else thinks--- there is no way to learns some of life's lessons in the same way as raising a child. Yes, it is your choice to have or not have children. But you will remain somewhat of a child yourself until you have a child yourself. Period. You can't learn all there is to learn by listening to what someone else says (as with many life's lessons). You have to experience it for yourself. Raising a family helps to round you as a person, making you whole and able to help the younger generation with your wisdom.
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