What not to say to a woman who doesn't want kids (babysitting, baby)
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@no kudzu: Of course childrearing is hard work and expensive. But it's so much more than that, too. I think your cousin got a raw deal. It's too bad it turned her off from having kids forever.
You are only focusing on flexibility. My friends wouldn't be able to afford to travel like they do if they had children. They go on elaborate trips all over the world. This isn't the main reason they chose to not have children, but it is a significant factor in their decision.
If they can afford elaborate trips, one kid won't make a dent in their budget. Ours hasn't.
My brother saw the work involved with our kid and said Hell, no! That I get.
Parenting isn't for everyone, and some people who -are- parents, aren't fit to be parents. Some people who never had children, would have made outstanding parents. I'm a non-parent. I've been a caretaker for a few children, but I've never had any of my own or raised any in my home. I've never had even the slightest inclination to do so, and rarely thought about it unless someone brought it up in conversation.
Things I've heard from people (ALL women) who are generally insensitive:
"Why don't you have kids? It's your duty as a wife." (I quit a temp job over this one)
"Are you a lesbian or something?" (My response: Why, you interested, gorgeous? Wink wink nudge nudge snicker snicker)
"God has blessed you with a womb, why are you rejecting God's commandment to be fruitful and multiply?" (My response: Because the Lord in all His wisdom inspired me to not create anything even remotely resembling you.)
I've gotten just a few very brief comments from family, mostly when I was in my 20's, about how I was the first Granddaughter (on my mom's side) and wouldn't it be nice if I some day married a nice wealthy doctor and produced the first great-grandchild. But there was never any pressure to that end, it was just a typical grandmotherly notion. I don't think anyone in the family seriously considered me "mom" material, so it was all good. I married a lovely man, who isn't wealthy, and isn't a doctor, and he didn't want kids either. Over 20 years of marriage, seems we made the right decision.
It's the strangers who are the insensitive, insulting ones. Duty as a woman, my left butt cheek. <snort>
How about not saying ANYTHING to a childfree woman? How about that?
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a civilized discussion with people about children, and child-rearing, no matter who you are or how many kids you have, including zero. We all WERE children once, and the children will be our governors, our presidents, our corporate CEOs, our financial officers, teachers, law enforcement agents, cashiers, etc. etc. It's in everyone's interest, to have an interest in children.
I don't take offense with people asking if I have them, and I don't even take offense to them asking why I don't have them. It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask. Just like if I came upon someone with 8 kids, I'd be curious to ask how they handle such a big family, and would hope they didn't take offense when I asked.
I have friends who never want to have kids, to each their own. I'd rather someone who doesn't want kids STICK to that! I'd hate for them to have kids and be neglectful/hateful parents. Not that I think my friends would, but I've heard people say their parents told them they didn't really ever want them. That's pretty crappy!
I'm 31 having my first child and I definitely knew I always wanted kids, but not right away.
My sister says she doesn't want kids (she's a teacher) and I told her she doesn't have to but GOOD LUCK WITH MOM! lol.
I do know that two of my friends who never want kids say they have a hard time finding guys on the same page as them.
Ugh. I can't even fathom opening my big mouth about somebody else's reproductive choices. Unfortunately, though, there are a LOT of people out there who think this topic is fair play.
If I ever start harping on my sons about producing grandchildren for me, I hope someone hits me with a tranquilizer dart.
I think a lot of people like the idea of them but the reality is they will take up almost all your free after work time and that is just not for me. I hear of people working 9-5pm, immediately running to pick them up, drive-thru dinner, running them to practices, watching them, running home to help do homework and/or bathing them, etc to the point where you get no relaxing time.
I like to get off work and do whatever the hell I want to do for myself for what hours of my non-working obligated schedule I get
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