What not to say to a woman who doesn't want kids (method, babies)
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I just don't get the "selfish" aspect. To me when people say it's selfish they are either jealous or trying to guilt you (if it comes from your parent) into having kids. I mean what is it to ANYONE ELSE if you have kids or not? As a PP said, it's not as if the earth is under-populated!
I had a ridiculous round robin conversation with my dad that got nowhere about why it's silly to call someone who does not want kids "selfish." (He obviously thinks it is selfish, and this is the norm I have seen from his generation - 60s/70s year olds.)
[Btw, I do have one kid and a second one en route. But I, too, don't understand the "Why don't you have kids question?" outside of the context of polite interest.
I could never pin him down on it but it seemed to come down to if you don't want to do it because you don't want the work or responsibility involved, then those reasons boil down to being selfish.
Ok, maybe that is just semantics or whatever, but how would that not apply to everything I don't feel like doing? Am I selfish for not wanting to grow food in my yard bc I don't want the hassle/responsibility?
Am I selfish because I don't want to adopt a highway?
Am I selfish because I don't want to build a car from the ground up?
I can list a million things that I don't want to do because of inclination and lack of desire to have my time/money/resources infringed upon.
I find it odd that kids are in their own league.
Wow... I don't even know what to say to that, except it's ridiculous.
I meant - whether or not she wants children EVER. Obviously, she might not want them right at any given moment. But that still leaves over 10 years to change her mind, and since I did (after so many years of swearing I would never want them), I know it's a clear case of "never say never."
I meant - whether or not she wants children EVER. Obviously, she might not want them right at any given moment. But that still leaves over 10 years to change her mind, and since I did (after so many years of swearing I would never want them), I know it's a clear case of "never say never."
I assure you, as an almost 40 year old childless-by-choice woman, I am SO sick of hearing "you'll change your mind". If anything, my desire gets less and less every year. And, any woman who changes their mind has options to have children regardless of age (adoption, fostering, etc). So, don't assume they will change their mind, like you did; but if they do, they can still have children.
Speaking of selfish, I do feel that that those people who insist on having "one of my own" and would not consider adoption are the truly selfish ones.
I meant - whether or not she wants children EVER. Obviously, she might not want them right at any given moment. But that still leaves over 10 years to change her mind, and since I did (after so many years of swearing I would never want them), I know it's a clear case of "never say never."
Because you are the standard that everyone should follow? Well,you obviously didn't know yourself by 30. What took so long?
I had a ridiculous round robin conversation with my dad that got nowhere about why it's silly to call someone who does not want kids "selfish." (He obviously thinks it is selfish, and this is the norm I have seen from his generation - 60s/70s year olds.)
[Btw, I do have one kid and a second one en route. But I, too, don't understand the "Why don't you have kids question?" outside of the context of polite interest.
I could never pin him down on it but it seemed to come down to if you don't want to do it because you don't want the work or responsibility involved, then those reasons boil down to being selfish.
Ok, maybe that is just semantics or whatever, but how would that not apply to everything I don't feel like doing? Am I selfish for not wanting to grow food in my yard bc I don't want the hassle/responsibility?
Am I selfish because I don't want to adopt a highway?
Am I selfish because I don't want to build a car from the ground up?
I can list a million things that I don't want to do because of inclination and lack of desire to have my time/money/resources infringed upon.
I find it odd that kids are in their own league.
yes, I don't understand the selfish thing either. Kind of like we walked 10 miles to school through snow and floods uphill both ways and so should you!
Some lady asked me "who is going to take care of you when you get old". I kind of let her have it. She is an older lady from the neighborhood and none of her girls went to uni and maybe some didn't finish high school. Getting married and spawning was the goal, I guess.
I told her my mother said to go out and make sure you can take care of YOURSELF first, have your own money and not depend on a man! And my mother is a good 20 years older than this woman, but ahead of her time when it came to women being independent. I think she was surprised that my mother held these views.
Don't tell a woman who doesn't want children that she should have children. Children is an option not an obligation. It's also an attack on a female's womanhood. Women are much more than an object that can bore children, and you're still a woman if you choose not to.
yes, I don't understand the selfish thing either. Kind of like we walked 10 miles to school through snow and floods uphill both ways and so should you!
Some lady asked me "who is going to take care of you when you get old". I kind of let her have it. She is an older lady from the neighborhood and none of her girls went to uni and maybe some didn't finish high school. Getting married and spawning was the goal, I guess.
I told her my mother said to go out and make sure you can take care of YOURSELF first, have your own money and not depend on a man! And my mother is a good 20 years older than this woman, but ahead of her time when it came to women being independent. I think she was surprised that my mother held these views.
Oh yeah I get tons of the "you don't know how easy you have it" talks from the older generations. I'm like yeah so easy that's why I HAVE to go back to work when my baby is born rather than get to be a SAHM because my husband can't find a job better than what he has now. I'm the breadwinner but he has amazing insurance so he stays... At least my mom didn't have to work outside the home because my dad made enough. ...
Oh yeah I get tons of the "you don't know how easy you have it" talks from the older generations. I'm like yeah so easy that's why I HAVE to go back to work when my baby is born rather than get to be a SAHM because my husband can't find a job better than what he has now. I'm the breadwinner but he has amazing insurance so he stays... At least my mom didn't have to work outside the home because my dad made enough. ...
Don't tell a woman who doesn't want children that she should have children. Children is an option not an obligation. It's also an attack on a female's womanhood. Women are much more than an object that can bore children, and you're still a woman if you choose not to.
Lol. Reminds of when I had my dog spayed and my mom was like, "Tsk, tsk...now she will never be fulfilled as a woman."
I think it runs both ways, but at least family (my mom) will be taking care of the baby and not strangers.
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