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When I have observed 4K and 5K (and older children) doing this on the playground the first child will usually verbalize "Let's pretend that we are kitty cats" or " I want to pretend that there is a volcano with hot lava". I never really thought about it until now, but even the four year olds will make it clear to the others that they know it is only make-believe. (I used to team teach 4K and 5K & had recess duty every day with them).
Perhaps just suggesting that he use those words "Let's pretend that there are elves in the tree" may make a difference.
That is great advice. I should try modeling that at home, too.
In some cases I'm not sure if it will work or how to frame it - in some cases he really does think there are elves in the tree. How should I approach situations like that?
I think it is wonderful he has a great imagination. I remember when I was a kid I played "make believe" games through third grade, but then my two closest friends moved. A new friend I made at that point didn't like such games most likely because she thought they were childish, and that was the end of my make believe era. I am still friends with her to this day, but she went into a medical field, and I went into a creative field.
Now I have kids who play make believe games. I have a daughter who just finished second grade, and she plays make believe games all the time. She hasn't had problems finding friends either who will go along with the games. She has never indicated that any kids have made fun of her for playing the games either. Therefore, I am surprised your son is encountering this. Maybe some boys aren't as accepting of this as girls. I don't know, but I think it is a great thing for a child to display such creativity and imagination. One thing that has worked for my daughter and her friends is incorporating traditional play elements like tag with their make believe games (i.e. I am chasing you because you are the king and I have to get your crown or something like that). The boys in her class played games like this as well, so they seemed to be crowd pleasers at my daughter's school.
That is great advice. I should try modeling that at home, too.
In some cases I'm not sure if it will work or how to frame it - in some cases he really does think there are elves in the tree. How should I approach situations like that?
That is a tough one to answer. You don't want to stifle his creativity but you need to be realistic as well.
I suppose that you could go with what you believe. Just like when he asks about heaven and angels and life after death. If you believe that there could be elves in the tree it would be fine for him to believe it as well, but if you don't believe that you can say "I would be great to pretend that there are actually elves in that tree but I don't think that there really are any there. But, we can play a game and pretend that elves are real". Or you can say "A few people believe in elves but your dad/mom and I don't think that they are real. But we can always play make-believe."
Do you think that he really thinks that there are elves or just wishes that there were elves?
Our 1st grader has an active imagination, reads a lot, draws a lot, loves stories, and has a lot of different interests - space, ancient Egypt, dinosaurs, knights and dragons, pirates, etc., whatever happens to be interesting at the time. I didn't really think any of this was unusual, I was the same at his age and thought most kids were.
Any thoughts?
Yeah. You have a smart, creative kid. (They're the ones who say, "We're going to go back in time..." as opposed to "I'll be the knight and you be the dragon.")
He's what, 6 or 7? How big is his school? Usually the kids who think like that find each other. If he's being laughed at and no one is playing with him... that's a problem. But this is a kid who is creative and that needs to be channeled: drawing, acting, writing stories.
Personally I'd put a GoPro on his head until he's old enough to know how to use it. (Which will be in about a month if he's as smart as he sounds.) Kids like your son are the ones who become Stephen Spielberg.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 07-07-2014 at 07:52 PM..
How sad it is that 6 and 7 year olds are making fun of another kid for playing pretend games like that. Maybe they just have no imagination or have had their imagination burned out by media feeding them stories and images already.
The "let's pretend" suggestion is a good one. Also realize that while the majority may think he's weird, there are usually other weird kids around.. especially in older grades.
I think it is wonderful he has a great imagination. I remember when I was a kid I played "make believe" games through third grade, but then my two closest friends moved. A new friend I made at that point didn't like such games most likely because she thought they were childish, and that was the end of my make believe era. I am still friends with her to this day, but she went into a medical field, and I went into a creative field.
Now I have kids who play make believe games. I have a daughter who just finished second grade, and she plays make believe games all the time. She hasn't had problems finding friends either who will go along with the games. She has never indicated that any kids have made fun of her for playing the games either. Therefore, I am surprised your son is encountering this. Maybe some boys aren't as accepting of this as girls. I don't know, but I think it is a great thing for a child to display such creativity and imagination. One thing that has worked for my daughter and her friends is incorporating traditional play elements like tag with their make believe games (i.e. I am chasing you because you are the king and I have to get your crown or something like that). The boys in her class played games like this as well, so they seemed to be crowd pleasers at my daughter's school.
This is part of it I think - it's easier for girls to play games like this to an older boys, I think boys are expected to outgrow certain things more quickly. Or maybe as you say some boys aren't that much into make believe to begin with. From classroom volunteering through the years I can think of two boys I know who had a hard time with open-ended tasks that required them to use imagination. Then again I can think of at least one girl I know who had trouble with an art project for similar reasons. Some people, while smart in other ways, aren't really into imagining things, they like working with things that follow a certain order.
It sounds like your imagination has served you well!
I suppose that you could go with what you believe. Just like when he asks about heaven and angels and life after death. If you believe that there could be elves in the tree it would be fine for him to believe it as well, but if you don't believe that you can say "I would be great to pretend that there are actually elves in that tree but I don't think that there really are any there. But, we can play a game and pretend that elves are real". Or you can say "A few people believe in elves but your dad/mom and I don't think that they are real. But we can always play make-believe."
Do you think that he really thinks that there are elves or just wishes that there were elves?
I wish I could answer that, I really do.
This would all be easier if we didn't also have traditions like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, etc. We adults have to foster these beliefs on one hand and stifle them on another. His classroom had an Elf on the Shelf, it seems weird to say that the elf in the classroom is real but there aren't any elves in that tree outside the classroom window.
You need to be sure that at home you are very clear about distinguishing between reality and fantasy play. You won't quash his imagination. Definitely make sure he knows he doesn't have a pet whatever and should not be telling classmates that he does. Go over with him the consequences that come with continual lying (mistrust, danger to himself and others, etc.) Give him understandable guidelines about what is pretend and what is real.
The bolded is not good advice and will squash his imagination. Having an imagination isn't lying. Playing make believe isn't lying. He is on the playground playing the only way he knows how to play.
Instead of telling him he's lying, teach him how to play other ways too. It sounds like he didn't have much social interaction with other children until he went to school, and he spent a significant amount of time with self play.
I'd make more time to play with the child. Play board games. Play catch and kick ball outside in the yard. Let him have his imagination and make believe but expose him to other ways to play so he learns to enjoy the types of things other kids like to do on the playground.
When he comes home and says he's upset because of how the children treated him when he said he had a dinosaur at home, that's when to talk about fantasy and reality. Not when he's playing make believe at home, but when he comes to talk about his distress at other people's reaction to make believe. Tell him the other children don't have his active imagination and don't understand.
I'm not really sure if I captured this right in the brief subject line, but the situation is this:
Our 1st grader has an active imagination, reads a lot, draws a lot, loves stories, and has a lot of different interests - space, ancient Egypt, dinosaurs, knights and dragons, pirates, etc., whatever happens to be interesting at the time. I didn't really think any of this was unusual, I was the same at his age and thought most kids were.
However one wrinkle is that he does get very involved with whatever his interest du jour is, talks about it a lot, and will do a lot of make believe types of games. I'm never totally sure if he believes it when he says, "We're going to go back in time" or "I've got a pet dragon at home". I usually just think of it as pretend play, I think on some level he knows it's not made up, that his toy isn't real or that we might pretend to something as a game, but I guess I can't be sure about that. He doesn't have an imaginary friend or anything, he just plays like this in the backyard or with his toys.
But when he says things like these on the playground or at school the kids make fun of him, tell him he's wrong, laugh, etc. I feel so badly because it makes him really upset (understandably) but don't know what to do. Tell him he shouldn't play make believe games on the playground? Tell him, like the kids at school do, that he doesn't really have a pet dinosaur or that we can't fly into space tomorrow? I just thought this was part of playing like a kid.
Any thoughts?
*detail: as far as everyone knows he's not on the autism spectrum or anything, although his teachers do want him to work more on social skills, which we're doing. I just never know how to address this particular "make-believe" issue.
Two things come to mind. High IQ and Aspergers. Both not such terrible things to have. He needs intensive training in social skills, the same as if he were rehearsing lines for a play. Make friends with the other parents in his class, and have frequent play dates, and family get togethers with them. When you see him going off into his make believe world and being off-putting to other kids, talk to him about, "What do you think Billy would like to play? Can you play that with him?" Talk to him about being a good host, being a good playmate, a good friend. All these things mean showing interest in the OTHER person, what they want, how they feel. Practice these skills with him. Have him say, "What's YOUR favorite game? What do YOU want to do? How about YOU choose first? What do YOU like to play best?" Have him model the behavior with you, frequently. Then challenge him to try it out on the playground, or on a playdate.
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(They're the ones who say, "We're going to go back in time..." as opposed to "I'll be the knight and you be the dragon.")
