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I was fixing supper she mouthed off when I asked her for some help.
Normally I wont ask, as my parents never did, they did not ask me to do things, they have told me what need to be done and when is the dead line.They never punished me with not giving food. So I am not doing it for my kids either. Punishing way too much make everything worst. The anger will grow against towards the parents. I have a feeling she is going through a hard time. That is possible too. My aunt went through exactly what you are going to through. What she did she let her good trust worthy friend to talk to her daughter. They talk to strangers much calm and quiet.
My own response is similar to maciesmom. I can't remember if I did or didn't. I think not.
I am certain I never denied my children dinner because I vehemently abhor punishing or rewarding children with food. I would never even threaten such a thing because it goes against everything I believe.
As to simply sending my children to their room, I asked my son and he said he was sent to his room two or three times for back talking. He asked, "Why? Is this a parenting forum thing?" I told him a parent sent her child to her room without dinner for the night, and some parents say they can't remember if they did or didn't, and I was wondering if my memory was correct. My son validated my memory. He said, "Food was never involved in any punishments. That's horrible. It sounds like prison."
I haven't done this. I don't think that I would do it in the future either but you never know until you are faced with a certain situation so....
I think that I would send the child to the room for the night but bring them a plate. They could come out of the room to clean off their plate and or/put in the dishwasher and then back to their room immediately for the rest of the night.
I am certain I never denied my children dinner because I vehemently abhor punishing or rewarding children with food. I would never even threaten such a thing because it goes against everything I believe.
Discrimination based on skin color or sexual orientation goes against everything I believe. Treating a child to a scoop of 31 Flavors ice cream because he'd been a very good little boy all week......not so much.
I never personally knew anyone outside of black-and-white TV shows who sent their children to their room without dinner.
But this thread brought back a memory--I used to have a friend who lived her life in New York City until she was 30 and then moved to New Jersey, where I met her. Our husbands were friends. She had this annoying habit of saying, "Jersey people do this, and Jersey people do that" every time she encountered something she'd never before seen or heard in her limited world of a few blocks of northern Manhattan.
One day she called me because her neighbor had sent her daughter to her room without dinner as a punishment. She asked, "Is this something Jersey people do?" I told her she was an idiot.
Shortly after, her 14-year-old ran away from home (she went to Manhattan to her aunt). I asked the friend what happened before the girl ran away, and she said, "Oh we were having an argument and I told her I wished she were dead, and she ran out of the house.' I said, "you said WHAT?" She said, "You know how when you're growing up, your mother gets mad and says she wishes you were dead. It's just an expression." I said, "Um, no, NORMAL mothers do not ever say to their children that they wish they were dead. Is this a New York thing?"
I later found out that her mother had been an alcoholic, which explained a lot.
Discrimination based on skin color or sexual orientation goes against everything I believe. Treating a child to a scoop of 31 Flavors ice cream because he'd been a very good little boy all week......not so much.
Whatever floats your boat. I shared how I knew for certain I would have never sent my children to their rooms without food for the night in response to Katiana's post. Even when our memories aren't the greatest after a number of years, there are some things we can know for certain based on our beliefs.
Whatever floats your boat. I shared how I knew for certain I would have never sent my children to their rooms without food for the night in response to Katiana's post. Even when our memories aren't the greatest after a number of years, there are some things we can know for certain based on our beliefs.
Meh...not necessarily. A lot of my beliefs evolved over the years as my children aged. I did some things and occasionally reacted in ways that I most likely wouldn't now. And certainly there were times I reacted out of frustration, in ways that even then I wouldn't have in more a more rational moment.
Meh...not necessarily. A lot of my beliefs evolved over the years as my children aged. I did some things and occasionally reacted in ways that I most likely wouldn't now. And certainly there were times I reacted out of frustration, in ways that even then I wouldn't have in more a more rational moment.
I haven't struggled in that regard with this particular issue. Other issues, yes. Not this one. We know who we are and which beliefs evolved or were unwavering. For you, this issue isn't one of them. That's cool. I merely shared how I know for certain that I wouldn't have done this. I verified that my instincts were accurate. I'm not implying you're a lesser person for not being sure.
We all do something that's out of character when frustrated on rare occassions. Those aren't times I easily forget. I remember those instances vividly because I regretted them, like the time I lightly slapped one of my children across the face once as a preteen. It was the only time either of my children had been psychically disciplined. We didn't even lightly swat hands when they were toddlers. I remember that like it was yesterday.
For the record, I don't think No Kudzu is an abusive parent at all.
While I've seen this strategy work for extreme cases of persistent bad behavior.....it's not something to do right off the bat for a minor and correctable offense. Save it for the big things....if you did this for every minor need for an attitude check there is nothing reasonable left for the big stuff...unless you view water boarding as acceptable.
I don't think this is a case of "off the bat for a minor and correctable offense." This kid is being openly defiant and disrespectful, and disrupting the family dynamic. She is also improving her skills at pitting the parents against each other. This is not new - the parents have already tried the "talk it out" method:
She said: "We have 12 year old attitude here x 2. One daughter has been especially sarcastic and nasty with what she says and her tone of voice. We have sat her down for one on one discussions, explained hormones, tone of voice and respect. It continues. Tonight as I was fixing supper she mouthed off when I asked her for some help."
This kid has already tried and succeeded at speaking disrespectfully to her parents and defying their authority. They have tried talking it out. It's time to get this kid's attention, because it is only going to get worse. I wouldn't put up with another adult coming into my house and speaking to me in a disrespectful way...why would I tolerate it from my own child? The parents made the first mistake the first time a sarcastic tone was used. I would have spun around and immediately looked that kid straight in the eye and said "what did you just say to me?" and then take corrective action right then. Corrective action being grounding, removal of privileges, or whatever it takes. No hitting. But no tolerance for bad behavior either. NO tolerance. It is a long way from a 12 year old girl to adulthood, and if the parents don't get this under control, the next 10 years of their life are going to be hellish.
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