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I never did it because my kid was always on his best behavior when dinner was near.
HOWEVER your punishment was directly LINKED to the fact that you were preparing DINNER and asked for HELP.
So to everyone who thinks it's unrelated I disagree.
It's COMPLETELY related.
In this life we have to WORK FOR FOOD. She's TWELVE FFS, not 4.
Next time she'll remember.
And just for reinforcement, I'd have her do the cleanup all week at least. She should be doing so anyway, regardless of her behavior. Families are cooperative UNITS. Everyone needs a job.
Alternatively teach HER to prepare dinner. Then badger her with talking hahahaha.
I grew up on a farm, where, as you may know, everyone needs to pitch in and help with family & farm chores. The summer that I was 12 my mother gave me the choice of handling all of the cooking (yes, all three meals, everyday for the entire family) or spending those hours driving the tractor in the fields, helping with milking the cows, doing various outdoor chores. I gladly selected the cooking.
Twelve is certainly not too young for your daughter to prepare either some of the evening meal every night or the entire meal once, or twice (or more) times per week. She may learn how to appreciate how hard your job is to cook all the meals for your family. Plus, she will learn some valuable life skills for the future.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-31-2014 at 09:55 AM..
Yeah. I strongly feel that punishments of minors that withhold basic needs - sustaining food, shelter, medical care, love, etc. - are inappropriate. Withholding these things creates an unsettling subtext about the parent-child relationship. One forgets as one ages that children are acutely aware of how little recourse they have when it comes to their parents' actions.
No one is talking about withholding any basic needs, not even food beyond the one meal, which the child ended up getting anyway.
No one is talking about withholding any basic needs, not even food beyond the one meal, which the child ended up getting anyway.
Doesn't matter if it's 'just' one meal....basic needs and certainly food should not be used as a punishment. ..and she got dinner because her father had some common sense about how to handle the problem.
One question....why does it matter so much for a child to miss a meal due to this situation but it's excused as 'they won't starve for missing one meal' when a child tantrums and refuses to eat dinner?
One question....why does it matter so much for a child to miss a meal due to this situation but it's excused as 'they won't starve for missing one meal' when a child tantrums and refuses to eat dinner?
There is a difference between a parent withholding food as punishment and a child having the CHOICE to eat the food, but refusing on their own choosing. It's not so much the food itself, but the power-play dynamics...
There is a difference between a parent withholding food as punishment and a child having the CHOICE to eat the food, but refusing on their own choosing. It's not so much the food itself, but the power-play dynamics...
Just wondering why so many posters are making it all about the food when it so obviously isn't.
One question....why does it matter so much for a child to miss a meal due to this situation but it's excused as 'they won't starve for missing one meal' when a child tantrums and refuses to eat dinner?
Because one is the child's choice and one isn't. If a meal is provided and someone doesn't want to eat it...that is up to them.
However, when a basic need, such as food is withheld, even if missing one meal won't harm them, it because a power play of an ineffective parent. That is not discipline. It's just showing that kid that a parent can deny them even basic needs on their whim. That is not going to lead to long term corrections to behavior....but lots of resentment towards the parent, loss of trust and other behaviors such as lying and sneaking to avoid such arbitrary treatment.
I am sure a parent that denys food feels all big and powerful....but it doesn't teach the child a darn thing about what they did wrong.
Just wondering why so many posters are making it all about the food when it so obviously isn't.
It is about the food. It's about a parent using food for punishment rather than actually addressing the behavior that needs corrected.
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